


come here, dressed in black now

by javajoy



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo has a Ph.D in braiding hair, Bisexual Ben Solo, Dark Rey (Star Wars), Dark Side Rey, Dirty Talk, Empress Rey, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Masturbation, Possessive Rey (Star Wars), Rough Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Soulmates, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:29:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 67,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23195551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/javajoy/pseuds/javajoy
Summary: Rey shakes her head, dark brown hair obstructing her face in light waves. "There's no breaking it, Ben. I will still be tethered to your soul even if you killed me." Through clenched teeth, she tells him. "You're mine."His heart seizes at that, something coils inside him against his will. The loneliness embedded in his skeleton begging her closer, failing rationality squeezing his throat. He was running in circles, chasing after and running away. "You think I belong to you?" Ben questions.Rey smiles, or rather a shadow of a smile plays at her lips. She takes a final step forward, pressing the palm of his hand flat against her throat, Ben's fingers wrap around her neck in some sick instinct. She leans into his fragile hold, choking herself against it."Yes, I do."
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 105
Kudos: 160





	1. so it goes

**Author's Note:**

> tw // lone reference to selfharm

_She doesn't love you, that's why she's sending you away._

Ben longs to reach out and hold onto his mother's arm. To anchor himself to her so that the fear burning inside of him might leave him unharmed. He wants to reach out, but his father thinks he's too old to cling, so Ben keeps his gaze locked on the dying grass they stand on. 

Early spring is greeting Chandrila with dead grass and half naked trees. Ben hates the spring, he hates the transition from the ugly death of winter to the cruel heat of summer. Ben mourns the loss of peace that snow brings every year. He dreads the hope of spring, the promise of new life and changes. 

Everything is changing. She had asked him to be brave, to hold his chin up, and leave without fear. Panic boils inside his body, shaking his breathing, his hands. 

_You already know that. Your own father doesn't love you. That's why he didn't come. She can't wait to get rid of you._

A choked sob escapes him. Ben can feel his mother's eyes where they burn into the base of his neck. The sun is far too warm, the combination of new heat and watchful eyes suffocate him. The pale blue sky brings sounds of ships flying overhead which roar in his ear. Fearful that any of them could be his Uncle, Ben can only drown out their noise with the cruel whispering voice.

_She's going to forget about you. You won't ever see her again. You're Uncle will make her so happy, taking you away._

Leia brushes her hand through his hair, Ben bites down on his lower lip to keep another sob from escaping. His eyes burn, he wants to cry. His father thinks he's too old to cry as often as he does.

_He knows you're evil. He knows your tears are only for show. Han Solo can see the evil resting inside of you. That's why he doesn't love you._

Leia moves to stand in front of him, bending her knees slightly so they could be eye level. Ben fails to still his trembling chin, he can feel his face turn red as she strokes her hand down his cheek.

_She knows you're evil too._

Her eyes are the same shade of brown, she holds him in their soft gaze. "I know this is hard, Ben." Her voice contains more kindness than it had that morning. "Leaving home is never easy." Leia smooths back his hair. "The first time I ever left Al..." She stops her words and looks to the ground.

She doesn't talk about Alderaan. His father told him never to ask.

_She can't wait for you to leave. The moment you're gone she's going to celebrate._

She moves along, as though she weren't about to talk about her home planet. His mother tucks some of her hair behind her ear, then places her hand on the other side of his face. "Ben, I need you to be strong." She brushes her thumb along his cheekbone. "You can have one tear, okay?" She smiles.

Ben can feel the cold band of her wedding ring on her left hand. The metal offers a cool touch against his burning face. She hadn't been wearing her ring for the past few days. She takes it off whenever they fight.

_Han Solo will only return once you're gone. They don't want you. You're evil. How could they want you._

"One tear. So make it a good one." She moves her finger closer to his eye, waiting to catch the single tear she had allowed him to shed.

But he fails her. He always fails her. A flood of tears pours out of him, followed by hysterical sobs as Ben reaches up to rip at his hair. His mother stalls his movements as she immediately pulls him into an embrace. Cradling his head under her chin. She whispers his name, rubbing soft circles into his back as she attempts to calm him.

She kisses the top of his head. "It's alright, Ben." Her voice sounds different. "Don't cry," Choked. "baby."

_She's worried you'll cry your way into staying. She doesn't want you to. You're too much effort. She doesn't want you to be happy._

She kisses his head again, her hold on him tightens. All Ben can do is hold onto the sleeves of her jacket as he sobs into her shoulder. "I don't want to be a Jedi." He doesn't. He's told her many times. Ben wants to be like his father. He just wants to be like his father.

_Han Solo doesn't want you to be happy either, but I do. I want you to be happy._

"Ben." Her voice has raised in pitch. She swallows before continuing her thoughts. "With your Force abilities, you..." She trails off, Ben can feel tears falling into his hair. "Uncle Luke loves you. He's going to take care of you, he'll make you happy." She tries.

_He won't. I can make you happy. Let's think of something happy together._

The wind around them picks up, a growing roar from a ship draws near. His mother's hair swirls in the air around them, she holds onto him as though they could both fly away. Ben tells her that he doesn't want to go, but the sound from his uncle's ship muffles his cry.

_Think about your mother bleeding._

She pulls slightly away, still keeping him in her arms. Ben pulls on her sleeves, silently begging. Tears continue to pour down his cheeks, his breathing coming out in gasps.

_Think about how warm her blood would feel in your hands._

His mother returns her hand to cup his face.

_Think about it._

Agonizing sorrow sliced open his veins. Ben continues sobbing in front of Leia as the nameless voice continues thundering in his head. 

_You know my name. I'm the only one in the galaxy who cares about you._

She pulls him back into a tight embrace, each desperately holding onto the other. The sounds of his uncle's ship die down, followed by the hiss of a ramp being lowered to the ground. Leia presses a series of messy kisses into his hair. "It's alright, baby." She repeats, over and over.

In the distance, Ben hears his uncle call out. "Leia?" His mother doesn't acknowledge him, her sole attention is on Ben. Ben stops holding onto his mother's sleeves and wraps his arms around her. Crying again about how he doesn't want to leave.

He can hear his uncle's footsteps approaching, not stopping until he stood right next to him. Ben feels his uncle's metallic hand press into his shoulder. "I know, Ben." He says. "It hurts to say goodbye, but it will hurt less after we leave." Ben can't tell if his uncle was offering kind words or pathetic Jedi wisdom.

"No," Leia says. Her voice is firm, hard. There's a skip in Ben's heartbeat as a small bud of hope builds. Uncle Luke doesn't share his sentiments.

"What?" His question was coated in dread.

"He's not going anywhere." She reaffirms. Ben's sobs choke on his gratitude. The hold his uncle has on his shoulder tightens.

He whispers. "Leia, we _talked_ about this." His mother pulls herself and Ben away.

"I know what we talked about. He's not going." She doesn't hide the venom in her voice. Uncle Luke keeps his distance, Ben doesn't risk looking at him, doesn't risk moving. Least he changes his mother's mind.

Luke keeps his voice reasonable, low. "From what you and Han said about his Force abilities, he needs me to help him." Ben can feel his mother shake her head.

"I can handle it!" Leia spits. Ben clings now more than ever to his mother, his lifeline.

"Leia," She doesn't give Luke a chance.

"Give me a lightsaber, give me two!" She tells him. "We know damn well I can handle this on my own." Leia pauses to breathe. "My _son_ isn't leaving my sight." There's a hitch in her voice in the final sentence.

_She'll change her mind._

Ben ignores the voice.

Uncle Luke doesn't fight her any further. "Alright." His voice is gentle. "Let's get back to the house, we can figure out a..." Luke searches for a word. "...plan for lessons." Leia loosens her hold on Ben, his uncle steps in line beside him. Placing his flesh hand on his shoulder. The three of them begin their silent walk back home.

\--

Leia gives Ben a glass of water before walking him to his room. She wraps her arms around him, Ben holds her as well. No longer sobbing, but stray tears still manage to escape him. His mother reaches up to hold his face, Ben can see the reflection of water in her eyes.

She brushes her across his cheek. "I should have listened to you." Her words float around him in a cold joy. "You're not going anywhere." Leia reminds him again. "I need you to rest in here for a bit, Luke and I have much we need to discuss." She kisses his forehead before she turns and closes his door.

_She has to figure out a new way to get rid of you._

Ben ignores the voice. Quickly turning on the lamp beside his bed, reaching for the book he had left under his pillow. Ben swallows the lingering sorrow, narrowing his attention to the story the book contained. Ignoring the drops of tears that fall and wrinkle the pages.

_That's what they're talking about. They both think you're a problem. I don't agree. I think you're special._

Ben ignores the voice.

\--

His father does return that night. Like the voice suggested.

_I would never lie to you. Unlike them._

Ben knows his father returned when he wakes to him yelling. A familiar dread coursing through his body as though he had been shot. Ben quickly removes himself from his bed, almost dropping the book he had fallen asleep to while reading. 

Ben had been woken up by hearing his father yell countless times. He's spent many nights hearing his parents' arguments muffled by the thick walls separating them. Not thick enough to mask their words. They were always fighting.

"Do you have any idea what's going on!" Han yells in the other room, Ben can hear his father pacing around the room.

His mother scoffs. "I'm with him more than you!" Leia shoots at him.

"Oh!" His father exclaimed. "I was talking to the Jedi, but thanks for throwing that in my face!"

There's a shuffling sound made by his uncle. "He's young, Ben about to reach puberty, we shouldn't attribute any aggression in him to something worse." Luke reasons.

Han's voice is more distant but just as loud. "You don't see him-"

"You don't see him!" Leia argues.

He repeats himself, speaking over her. "You don't see him, Luke. All he does is cry and the, the _anger_ that's just there, I'm telling you it's-"

His mother cuts him off. "No. He's angry because he's here alone. All the time."

"You're here with him!" His father yells. "I'm working!"

"I'm working! Do you have any idea what responsibility I have on my shoulders!" 

"No!" Han fights. "We aren't making this about you princess, this is about _him_."

Again, Luke attempts to reason. "Ben's here, alone. That would make any kid angry, upset." His parents allow him a moment before he tells them. "I agree with Han. He should come with me."

"Why." His mother's voice is cold, threatening.

His uncle doesn't answer right away, clearly searching for the best way to present his reasoning. "This," Luke pauses. "This isn't the healthiest environment for him to be in."

A dead silence falls over the room.

"Fuck you." Leia spits.

"You just said that neither of you were here for him." Luke reasons.

His father speaks up. "He's going." Ben can hear him walk towards his bedroom, his mother following him.

"No, fuck you both! He's not going!" Their voices are just outside of his door.

Han has a hold on the door handle but waits to enter. Clearer than before, his father shouts. "I'm not going to risk _my_ son becoming like _your_ father!"

The unmistakable sound of a slap follows. Ben can hear his father's grip on his door handle tighten, before he drops it from his grasp. Han's footsteps carry him away, growing quiet until a slamming door announces his exit.

His mother walks away from his door next, her footsteps carry her in a separate direction. A slamming door follows her exit as well. His uncle's footsteps are too quiet to make out. No other sound finds his ears. No one else speaks. No one except.

_Do you see the problems you cause?_

Ben ignores the voice.

\--

Ben only finds his uncle in the morning when he leaves his bedroom. Offering him a polite breakfast, a peaceful conversation. Not allowing any of yesterday's tensions to weigh down the atmosphere of the room.

"You're mother sends photos all the time, but I never get to see you like this." Luke smiles at him. "I remember when you were just a baby," Ben returns his uncle's smile as he eats. "and look at you! Twelve years old."

Ben's smile falters slightly. "I'm almost ten." He corrects, he understands.

Luke turns his attention to his own food. Changing the conversation. "You have a holopad, I can give you an access code so you can call me whenever you need." He pauses, "Top, Jedi secret of course. Don't tell your friends."

Ben doesn't have any friends to tell, his parents don't like it when he reminds them, he suspects his uncle won't as well. "Thank you." Ben responds.

"If you ever have questions about the Force, or if you ever _want_ to join me in the school I'm creating. I'll be there, night or day. Whenever you call." Luke tells him, then adds. "Or," A regretful look crosses his face. "I know, your dad isn't always around. If you have any, _other_ questions that you want to ask..."

His uncle's voice trails off, Luke closes his eyes. Ben does have questions he knows he can't ask his parents. If his uncle was being genuine, Ben would place a small sliver of hope in his hands. Ben looks over his shoulder before asking.

"What was Bail Organa like?" He keeps his voice low, just in case.

Luke seems pleasantly surprised by his question, but his confusion keeps him from answering right away. "Well, I have never met him, but I've heard wonderful things. Good man. Does Leia not talk about him?" He asks in turn.

Again Ben looks over his shoulder. "She doesn't talk about _Alderaan_." He whispers the planet's name. Waiting a moment before adding. "But, you and mom are twins. Why don't you know him?"

At that question, Luke turns his head to look for wandering ears. His uncle thinks over his response. "It shouldn't be a secret that," He pauses. "that Leia was adopted by the Organas. I was adopted by my uncle. So I know how annoying we can be!" Luke's voice is rushed, attempting to change the subject.

Ben thinks about how to ask what he needs to know. "So, if I'm like..." He keeps his voice as innocent as possible. "If I'm like, mom's dad...is that a good thing?"

His uncle stills his movements, holding him with questioning eyes. Panic begins rising in Ben, until compassion and sympathy quickly flood those blue eyes. "Your grandfather was named Anakin Skywalker. He was a Jedi Knight, and he died in the light. That's all you need to know." 

Relief soars through Ben, flooding out in tears. "He was good." He doesn't phrase his words as a question and Luke doesn't answer. "I'm good too." He cries. "I'm good too." Ben repeats.

Luke places his hand on Ben's shoulder, Ben wipes feverishly at his wet cheeks. His uncle again looks around the room, leans close and whispers. "I'll tell you all the good things as long as you promise you won't say a word to your mother."

Ben nods, holding out his little finger in a swear. Luke smiles at him as he wraps his own around it. 

\--

The story was rushed, details were missing, but Ben cherished every moment. His mother enters the scene as the story dies. A long braid draped over her shoulder, a warm gray cardigan worn over a white dress. She places a kiss on both of their hairlines before stealing food off of Ben's plate.

Leia places her hand on the side of her brother's face. "I promise I'll be nicer today." She says with a smirk, moving her hand to ruffle his blonde hair.

Luke looks up and smiles at her, "I'll be less infuriating." He teases back.

His mother turns to look at him, "We just need to talk for a bit, then we can go out and do something nice before your uncle leaves." Her face was illuminated by the late morning sun pouring in from the kitchenette window.

Ben smiles, nodding his head excitedly. Watching as they lock arms, quickly leaving the room, slowly leaving him alone. Ben looks down at his food as the voice whispers to him once again.

_Luke Skywalker is hiding the truth from you. Just like your mother is. I can tell you the truth, if only you just ask._

Ben scrapes his silverware on his plate, ignoring the voice and focusing on the little scraps of food left.

\--

Han Solo returns the next day, walking in one of the side doors, peeking around the room before he approaches his son. Ben had been sitting in the corner, hunched over a thick book. Leia was in her office taking a conference call, Luke had flown back to where he was needed only this morning. 

Han heads straight towards Ben, Chewbacca entering the room behind him. His father drops to one knee before him, producing a small wrapped package from his back pocket. Only after he nods does Ben reach for it. Delicately opening the present, careful not to rip the paper. Inside he discovers a book on piloting. 

"If you _are_ going to be staying home, you should learn about something more fun than Jedi rules and regulations." Han says. Ben clutches the book to his chest, his smile painfully wide. His father returns his smile, truly. "Don't tell your mother, and I'll let you fly the Falcon soon." Han promises, Ben almost drops the book from his hands.

"You mean it?" His heart pounding in his chest, a mixture of fear and hope causing palpitations.

At that, his father smirks. "No more sitting in your old mans lap. You'll start flying the Solo style." Ben wants to wrap his arms around his father, to jump off where he was sat and hold his dad. He wants to cry for joy, to race off to the Falcon immediately.

But his father doesn't like it when he clings or when he cries, so Ben repeatedly whispers his thanks while hoping that his watery eyes don't spill over.

\--

_She won't like how you're doing this_

Ben could hear his mother's sigh, peaking open one of his eyes to watch her press her forehead into her palm. "No, Ben." Leia starts. "You need to, loosen up." She drops her hand and shakes her arms. "Mastering the Force comes from inner peace, or whatever Luke said." Ben opens both eyes to observe her.

Her brown hair was braided in thick robes wrapped over the crown of her head. She had dressed in dark brown trousers paired with a deep burgundy top. Ben wore almost the exact same outfit which he would have found embarrassing if he hadn't loved his mother so. Leia then moves to sit in front of Ben, crossing her legs and pressing her hands onto her knees. 

"Alright, shake your shoulders and pull them back." Ben does as his mother instructs. "Hold up your head, keep your chin down." He holds his mother's matching gaze, her voice pausing for a moment before giving a knowing smile. "Close your eyes, Ben."

The sun still shines an orange afterglow into the darkness. "Breath in through your nose, out through your mouth." Leia continues. "Feel the Force as it surrounds you, how it reacts to your presence." 

He's only ever sensed two emotions lingering within the Force. Excitement, about his newfound abilities, singing his soft praise as he reaches out. As he uses his ability, a quiet emotion flows behind the Force. An impending sense of dread, worry, and fear. Only flickering whenever he used greater measures of his powers. 

Ben didn't think the Force would react any differently to him now, but Ben isn't sure what he feels when he does reach out. He thinks the air moves around him with an attachment of mourning towards him. As he inhales, the oxygen that enters his lungs tastes apologetic.

Leia's voice enters his conscience as an angelic echo. "What do you feel?" She inquires, the orange glow from the sun turning golden at her presence.

Ben holds on to the knowledge he has learned only for a moment, confusion but assurance in his answer. "The Force feels sorry for me."

_Why?_

"Why?" Leia's voice echos.

The Force swirls around Ben, pulling at his soul, but there's something wrong. As the Force enters his blood steam and rests inside his bones, Ben notices something he hadn't realized before. There's something missing, an emptiness inside him that he had always attributed to sorrow.

Ben only possesses half a soul.

He shields the knowledge immediately, locks it behind iron gates and thorns. How could he exist if he were fundamentally lesser than everyone else who had ever lived? Was this the reason he struggled so? Was this the reason his parents struggled with him?

The Force reacts strongly to his self doubt. Massaging itself into his limbs, his rips. Singing a reassurance, a promise. A distant voice whispering _It corrects tonight._ The voice didn't belong to the sinister one that had plagued Ben since before he could remember. This voice carried with it a golden light, an overwhelming sensation of hope. Tonight will heal you. _It promises._ A new light comes tonight.

"Ben?" His mother's voice draws him home. Ben opens his eyes to her worried expression. He doesn't stop the joy as it pours down his cheeks in tears.

He smiles. "The Force says a new light is coming tonight! We won't have to worry anymore." Ben clings to this hope, he's so good at clinging.

_Is that right?_

\--

He expects the universe to explode in light. For every single creature in existence to go blind by its radiance. When the moment comes, it exists as a fond embrace. Washing over Ben in warmth, slowly healing him as it caresses all of his scars.

The light building in his soul shines through his skin, as though his entire being were made of a billion stars. The Force helps Ben correct his soul in the most beautiful of ways, until he's finally whole again.

Ben writes the star date on his arm, by the crook of his elbow, next to scars he'd given himself in moments of pure despair. Scars he hoped that would never multiply after tonight. 

_Well, that was interesting._

Ben ignores the voice, writing over the star date again. Promising himself he will never forget.

\--

His father teaches him about flying only a month later, after a few sessions spaced out over a few weeks, Ben manages to fly the Falcon from their home to the closest moon on Coruscant. When he lands on the moon, the view of the planet shines loud and clear before them. 

Ben can't keep himself from crying, though he accomplished the landing, he had made a few mistakes while flying. Ben waits for his father's scolding voice to come.

But it never does. Instead, Han reaches out to his shoulder, Ben looks to his father only to find a proud smile and tears trapped in his own eyes. "I'm so proud of you." The words explode inside of his chest, more tears fall from Ben.

He jumps from his seat and into his father's arms, Han wraps a loan arm around Ben, laughter rolling off him. "Chewie we are going to have to call everyone in the galaxy! My son is a pilot!" He cheers. "Call up Lando! No, we're flying to that son of a bitch and Ben's gonna get us there!"

Ben holds onto his father tighter as Chewie sings him praise as well.

_Tell me, does this one moment make up for all the sad memories?_

A slight chill lingers in the background. Stealing the moment from him, Ben ignores the voice, but it doesn't.

it doesn't.

\--

"Reach out to the light, Ben." Leia guides. "Find peace, find balance. Look inside."

A vision builds before him. A young mother, with disheveled blonde hair tied in three buns. A baby is crying in her lap, and though the woman continuously strokes the child's cheek, she does nothing else to calm it. Deep purple bags hang under her hazel eyes, she looks to the side where a man approaches her.

He hands her a silver flask, the woman peers inside the canister before taking a small swig. Handing the flask back to the man, the mother then reaches down and picks up her baby, clutching it to her chest. _Please stop crying._ The mother begs. _Please stop crying._

Ben opens his eyes, his own mother looking at him with concern. "Sorry," He says. "I'll try again."

\--

Luke doesn't approve of how Leia is teaching Ben, but Luke knows better than to argue with his sister. After a year and a half of meditation and honing a relationship with the Force, Leia was ready to start practicing with lightsabers.

His uncle arrives with one lightsaber designed like the ones that he provides to all of his students and the bare elements of another one.

"You've enough Force connection yourself for your own saber." Luke tells Leia. 

Ben's mother lets out a small laugh. "Do the Jedi even allow this kind of rule breaking?" She questions as she starts observing the pieces.

Luke laughs. "Considering I am the Jedi?" 

Ben laughs along with his uncle, holding his lightsaber in his hands as though it were the most precious item in the galaxy. He longs to ignite it, to see the blinding blue light.

_Think about how easy it would be to drive the beam through your uncles chest. Light your weapon. Give it a taste._

Ben ignores the voice, and continues studying his training weapon.

\--

He wakes to his father yelling that night. He'd come home late, as he often did. Ben moves to cover his ears with his hands, but does little to drown out the noise.

"A lightsaber, you gave our thirteen year old son a fucking _lightsaber_!" Han's voice boomed through the walls.

Leia's voice rang just as loud as his. "Don't even try to make this a fight! You know how much better he's been since his training!"

His father makes a crude sound. "His training! Exactly! This is about mastering the Force, not using a lightsaber!"

"It's a Jedi weapon!" Leia fights

"Exactly! A weapon!" Han exclaims

Leia scoffs at her husband. "Are you really protesting our son having a weapon when you let him shoot with your blaster!" Han throws something in response.

"One time!" Han yells. "I let Ben use my blaster one _fucking_ time and you've never forgotten." His father pauses for a moment. "Besides there's a _huge_ difference between my blaster and a lightsaber!"

His mother is quick to respond. "Give me a fucking break. Luke learned to use a lightsaber under more pressing circumstances, Ben will have years to perfect sparring with me and Luke at his side."

"You know what I don't understand? You were the one who wanted to send him away in the first place! Now all of a sudden you think you can protect him, when all you've really done is give an angry teenager a weapon so he can kill anyone he wants!"

_You could kill your father with your lightsaber._

Leia doesn't defend Ben. "I. Am. Watching. Him."

_Think about how it would feel. Slicing him open._

Sounds of slamming cupboards follow. "Look, I know he's gotten better, but ever since you pointed out the dark energy wafting off of him, it's all I can notice. And yes sometimes it goes away but," Han pauses. "It's always there!"

"Always there." Leia echos. "Unlike you."

"That's a cheap shot-"

"Look, maybe sending him away would have been for the best, but I can't shake this feeling that keeping him here will save him! If we send him away we'll only be isolating him further into the dark side." Leia's screaming at this point. "He's our only child, and you can't even be home longer than a fucking week!"

Han's ready with his response, his voice loud enough to shake the walls. "He's our only child because after you sensed the darkness in him you didn't want to risk having another child like him!"

The fighting continues, the pounding in Ben's ear thankfully drowning most of it out. Still, he lifts his pillow over his head and curls under his blanket. He channels his breathing, in through his nose, out through his mouth.

_Still pretending that they want you around? That they love you? They're afraid of you, but I'm not afraid._

Ben ignores the voice, he reaches out with the Force and embraces his own soul. Feeling the light, feeling the warmth.

\--

His parents come out of the same bedroom in the morning, Ben even sees them share a chaste kiss. They seldom show affection in front of him, after last night's argument Ben can't understand how they have any kindness between them.

\--

Leia unknowingly reveals her distrust of Ben in her teaching, but Ben's always been aware of it. Pushing the message of the light, teaching it to him as though he didn't understand it.

_You're meant for the dark._

Ben ignores the voice, but knows his mother might agree with it.

"Close your eyes, reach out and find warmth like the sun. Hold that light and let it flow through you." She advises.

Ben does as she asks. Allowing the golden warmth of the universe to wash over him. An image pushes through. A toddler walking barefoot on the grass. She trips over her own feet, and falls to the ground. Her mother is next to her, a look on her face that suggests she doesn't know if she should help her child or not.

The little girl does not cry at her fall, instead content to sit down next to her mother, playing with the twigs within her reach. After a few minutes, the mother does reach out, tucking some of her daughters hair behind her ear. The mother's hazel eyes are glossed over, more clouded than the hazel eyes on her daughter.

The toddler starts laughing, Ben watches as the small twigs she had gathered in her hands begin to float into the air. Her mother watches with confusion before dawning horror approaches. She slaps the twigs back onto the ground and slaps her daughters hands. The little girl starts crying as her mother takes a hard hold of her shoulders. _Don't you ever do that again!_

She then picks up her daughter and exits the scene. Ben's doesn't open his eyes when the vision fades.

\--

Han has Ben fly the Falcon off to visit Lando, Leia and Chewie sitting behind them, forbidden by Han to backseat drive. His father does his best at keeping his temper at bay, keeping his words to kind suggestions rather than harsh critique.

Ben makes mistakes, but they arrive at Cloud City alive and unharmed which is more than Ben could have hoped for. Lando, wearing a bold green shirt and a long white cape, greets them at the landing bay, pulling his parents into individual hugs before pulling Ben into his arms. Han might discourage clinging, but Lando embraced it.

"Look at him!" Lando exclaims. "I do not see my favorite family enough. Is Ben Solo taller than me?" He looks to Han, who is wearing a haughty smirk.

Han jokes with his friend. "My boy's only taller than us by a half inch. A very tall half inch." Lando laughs, turning his attention back to Ben.

"Just turned fifteen, and he's not done growing!" Lando holds onto Ben's shoulders. "Did you miss me, Ben?"

Ben smiles. "Of course, Uncle Lando." At that Lando burst out in joyous laughter, pulling Ben into another hug.

\--

At dinner, Lando informs them about a small rising faction. Harmless at the moment, but worth keeping an eye on. Leia takes the situation very seriously, stating that she'll get a hold of the Dameron family to form a subcommittee with her.

_The First Order won't truly rise until you are here with us. You belong with us._

Ben ignores the voice, ignores the conversation for the rest of dinner.  
\--

He practices meditation in a small studio. Lando had promised Ben privacy even when he did not request it. Ben follows the method his mother teaches. Follow the light, and only the light.

As his Force signature flows with the warmth of the Force, a vision plays before him. A young couple sleeping side by side on a cramped cot. A little girl sits on her knees next to the woman, slightly shaking her shoulders. Mumbling comes from what must be the girl's mother. Ben's struck by the _smell_ that pairs itself with the vision. A mixture of liquor and sweat. When the little girl continues to shake her mother's shoulders, her mother whispers _Oh for fucks sake, sweetheart._

She aggressively reaches for her daughter, pulling her onto the little space left on the mattress. Wrapping her arm around her child, holding her to her chest. _We'll eat soon_ The little girl's response is muffled in her mother's robes, _Go. To. Sleep._ Her mother's voice is cruel. 

The little girl keeps talking, the father on the other side speaks. _If she doesn't shut up I swear I will take Urkar up on his offer._ The little girl whines and the mother protests. _No, we're not-_ The father continues. _Twenty thousand credits, we'd be stupid not to do it._ At that, the mother roughly turns her daughter over, clasping her hand over her daughters mouth.

Muffled cries could still be heard. _Please, sweetheart. Even if we did we'd come back for you._

Ben wills the vision away. Buries it, along with the emotions that follow it. His own demon mocks:

_Darkness follows you everywhere._

Ben ignores the voice. Ben ignores the dark.

\--

After two days, Han lets Ben fly them all home. When they land, his father pulls him aside, promising that they'll start flying more often.

\--

Ben's used to nightmares. Used to that voice following him everywhere, tainting everything. Showing him grotesque images of his parents dead, their blood coating his hands. Even at his age, the dreams cause him to weep.

However, the nightmare that guides him tonight is different. A memory of a face he buries into forgetfulness. A young girl, with her hair tied up into three buns. Her mother, whose blonde hair is worn just the same, is holding her. Both are crying. _Oh, sweetheart, my love._ The mother says. _We'll be back, this is only temporary._

Her daughter can't stop crying, the mother whispers in her ear. _Keep your mouth shut. We just need to wait until the credits are transferred. We will get you in a week, just shut up._ The woman looks around the room as she sways her embrace with her daughter. _We went over this_ She whispers again. _One week. Keep your fucking mouth shut._

She kisses the side of her hair, strokes her hand along her daughter's cheek. _I love you._ She says. _I love you so much, I promise we'll be back._ She holds her a final time, before all but shoving her away. The woman stands, nods to a large figure Ben can't make out. The man from before moves next to her, both looking at the child one last time before walking away.

The little girl is screaming now.

She's being dragged away, still screaming, still crying. _Come back!_ She shrieks. Ben can't handle the vision, he tries to open his eyes but the nightmare does not fade. She's reaching out now at a ship flying away. _Come back!_ She calls. _Come back!_

Her fingers curl as she calls out a final time. A desperate energy shoots through the Force, and Ben feels the ship containing the little girl's parents explode. A lifeless cold shatters all light in the Force. Bitter, like a thousand cuts shredding open his flesh.

Ben wakes in his bedroom. But he can still hear the little girl screaming.

\--

It haunts him. Ben represses it.

\--

Like it never happened

\--

It was just a vision.

\--

_You should follow her example._

\--

His mother is occupied with the Damerons, the family has started visiting them, joining them for uncomfortable dinners. During said dinners, they talk strategies, bases, and potential recruits.

"What, are we building another resistance? What's wrong with the Republic?" Han asks with a mouth full.

Leia shakes her head. "I'm telling you, this First Order is bad news. The things I've been hearing about this Snoke, I don't trust it."

_I don't trust her._

Poe speaks up, the youngest Dameron, Ben's age. "Kids like me and Ben are ready to gain our own glory in life. We have to work hard given our parents accomplishments." Poe earns chuckles from everyone but Ben.

\--

Ben wakes to his father yelling that night.

"No! No! I'm saying that you _did_ do that on purpose!" He yells at Leia.

Ben sinks further into his bed. 

"Doing what! Doing what on purpose!" There's no inflection in her voice.

Ben considers turning on his lamp, finding a book to read.

Han's voice is pitched and mocking. " 'Oh, you're so lucky, Poe is such a good son', 'Oh wow, Poe is such a good pilot', 'Oh wow, Poe is so smart', 'Oh, I wish Poe was MY son'." Something hard pounds against the wall at the end.

"I did not say any of that! I was only complimenting their son!" Leia retorts.

His father laughs. "No, you went overboard with it. You went on and on and on and on and on and on-"

Something else is thrown. "You are exaggerating, and annoying, and-" Han cuts her off.

"Did you think I didn't see the look you gave Ben! Did you think I didn't notice how you ignored him all dinner, how you didn't say anything about him!" Another thud against the wall.

Her voice brings no warmth to Ben, he hears the defensiveness lingering in her words. "I love my son!"

His father hears it too. "But?"

"There is no 'but'!" His mother defends.

"But?" He repeats.

A horrifying silence follows. "But..." Leia's voice is quiet, so much left unsaid.

Han finishes her thoughts. "But, you wish you had a son like Poe." His voice was hard to make out, but the sentence was clear.

"I didn't say that!" Her voice is higher in pitch.

"You didn't have to."

Something else is thrown.

\--

_You're parents still don't love you, after all of these years._

\--

The First Order has been steadily gaining power, Leia is preparing a bill that can stop their growth. So far everything that the First Order has been conducting themselves in a legal manner, just toeing the line of questionable. 

Full blown fascism is illegal, but a collection of fascist ideas? Snoke has claimed he's willing to reason with the Republic.

_I am. I'll do whatever it takes to get you on my side._

\--

His parents do love him. Ben knows this, he's never truly been given reason to doubt the fact.

His parents love him,

But they do not like him.

\--

He flies the Falcon with his father on a regular basis. He's far more skilled than his mother when it comes to dueling with their lightsabers. As Twenty waits for just around the corner, Ben makes a list of everything he cherishes. Burning the list once he's finished.

Good things do come to him, so that's what Ben looks for. He accompanies his father on a smugglers run. He flies to Luke's training ground to spar with his students, which he excels at. Luke tells Ben with a smile that he's ready to start building his own lightsaber.

Ben also joins his mother on her senate meetings, which are held with far more dread and suspicion than ever before. Waiting with anticipation as the Senate begins a discussion of his mother's bill to stop the First Order.

He also turns to meditation as often as he can, blinding himself by the light in Force. Listening to every voice that doesn't belong to the monster lingering in his thoughts.

But as he meditates, images flash before him. He doesn't remember her until they appear, afterwards he suppresses it. Images of a starving child. Skin and bones. The feeling of an unforgiving sun and an empty stomach.

\--

He's not as happy as he wants to be.

Ben's a terrible smuggler, and he's too aggressive when he fights. Some of Luke's students regarded him with fear. Ben despised the feeling.

He builds his lightsaber, pours his heart and soul into the process. When he's done, a cold purple beam shines before him. Tearing at the edges of his existence.

_Even your saber knows you feel a pull to the dark._

Ben doesn't think it's a pull he feels, but rather a shadow lingering over him. Following around, never free of its presence.

_The dark side is your home, you'll understand why soon enough._

Ben ignores the voice. He has too.

\--

_I can't wait to see you today._

Leia fastens a Chandrila pin to his black blazer. Ben had requested to be present when the Senate finally decided to vote on her bill, and after a lifetime of waiting, the day had finally come.

His mother reached up, smoothing down Ben's hair. "It's so long," She comments. "I've never met a boy with hair this long." Ben avoids her eyes.

"You sound like dad." He tells her, but his father had much harsher comments on the subject.

Leia sighs. "It's just," She tugs at a lock. "Ben, you could braid this!" Her mouth tightens in a thin line. Ben reminds himself that she's stressed over the meeting today. "You knew this was coming up. This isn't some last minute notice, I can't believe I am about to go in front of the Senate with my son looking like this."

Ben attempts to keep his voice soft, unwavering. "I'll be in the back, they won't notice me." He reasons, knowing that Leia would be well aware of the lack of truth in his logic.

His mother scoffs. "They'll notice, you know how these things go Ben." Leia looks to the floor, then back to her son. "Do you like your hair looking like that?"

"Yes." The length hides his ears, and he _does_ enjoy braiding it on occasion, Ben thinks that if his mother were so opposed to that hobby she shouldn't have taught him how to braid hair, to begin with, but Ben also knows that the subject of hair isn't what troubles her at this moment. Just a manifestation of her anxiety.

A chill takes over his neck as the voice whispers _You'll forgive me, if I feel inclined to compliment your hair today._ Ben's mouth tightens as his mother looks past him. 

Leia lightly shakes her head. "Well, I don't." She turns to look at a mirror nearby. "I swear, you're too much like your father sometimes."

She smooths down stray hairs, blends her eye shadow with her fingers. Her hands trail down her own blazer, resting at the two pins residing there. One for Chandrila, one for Alderaan. After a moment, she silently removes her Alderaan pin. Gently placing it in her pocket.

Leia's still never talked about Alderaan, Ben's never asked. If there's anything his family is good at, it's avoiding that which needs to be addressed.

\--

_Look at me._

His mother is standing, addressing her final thoughts on the bill she drafted as well as bringing to light the questionable things the First Order has done since the bill has been brought to the Senate's attention.

_Look at me._

"The actions that the First Order has been following is entirely inspired by that of the Empire, they have already grown a dangerous amount, should they turn against the Republic, it would be another intergalactic war." 

_Look at me._

"From their ideals, to their method of recruiting their soldiers, the First Order is a Neo-Empire."

_Look at me._

Ben keeps his attention on his mother, joining in the applause that follows her speech. His eyes never leave his mother, even as Snoke stands and Leia turns her attention towards him.

"Senator Organa, your _opinion_ is heard. However I assure you, my First Order holds little connection to the Empire of old. I also feel compelled to address a blanket lie you have fed to the Senate today. My army is made not of clones, but of human soldiers. A simple DNA test can attest to my claim."

Leia is quick with her rebuttal. "Would you mind enlightening us about your method of recruitment." Ben keeps his eyes on her.

"Certainly. My First Order has looked to the Jedi Order for inspiration, with your own brother being a member, I'm sure you're familiar. The Jedi Order has been reborn, the next generation of it's knights will be recruited the very same as I have recruited my men."

Ben can see the slight narrow of his mother's eyebrow. "I admire your attempt to shield yourself from the spotlight, Snoke. The Senate did not gather here today to discuss the Jedi Order, new or old."

A voice behind them speaks. "Correct Senator. That was an off topic intention, another offense will result in a strike."

A chuckle can be heard from Snoke. "Forgive me, but I fail to see how I have gone off topic when Leia _Organa_ is accusing my faction of following the example of the Empire. The Senate must have the knowledge that she is no true Organa."

Leia keeps her voice strong. "Another subject change. My adoption status was well understood even when Alderaan still lived. Snoke is attempting to state common knowledge in order to shift the focus. The First Order is a neo-Empire, this is their way of playing into old news."

"I am fighting the Senator by the nature of her parentage and the hypocrisy."

"I was raised on Alderaan by my adoptive parents, the King and Queen of Alderaan, who were murdered by the Empire. You're subject change is out of line."

The voice behind Ben speaks again. "Agreed. General Snoke, return your attention to the bill at hand."

Snoke continues. "My line of conversation will be made apparent. I now question the Senator on her birth parents."

"How is that related?"

Leia still answers the question. "My mother was Padme, Queen of Naboo. That's what all records will state."

"Again, the Senator lies and misleads. Her brother is named Skywalker, like his father and a Jedi, like his father."

Ben notes the panic that lingers at the edge of his mother's voice. "Snoke can not be allowed to continue his defense by questioning my lineage. Who my birth parents were hardly matters. I lived my life serving Alderaan and fighting the Empire."

"She pretends to be against the Empire, yet her own son resembles her father. Anakin Skywalker." _Here comes the truth._

Ben shifts his eyes to his hands as he feels thousands of eyes burn into him. "Now he questions my family!" Leia raises her voice. "The Senate can not allow this to carry on!"

"I disagree. It is the galaxy's right to know that Anakin Skywalker, the Senator's own father, was a member of the Empire, serving under the name: Darth Vader. How can we trust Leia Organa, or should I say Leia _Skywalker_ with fighting the Empire."

\--

Snokes deflection had worked. The bill didn't pass.

\--

Denial saved Ben. It had for years. He hadn't reacted to the news in the presence of others, even as thousands of eyes cast their silent judgment. Burning his flesh as Leia attempted in vain to regain control of the narrative. More horrifically, there were knowing, sympathetic looks. Regarding him, like a fuse, they had been expecting to claim the hall in fire. The room was exacuated slowly, until Ben was entirely isolated and the meeting over.

He didn't say a word to his mother as they traveled back to their home. Ben expected her to talk, to give him an explanation, a reason, for keeping him in the dark. 

But nothing came. They returned home in complete silence.

\--

The truth was a building abyss. Ben retreated to the privacy of his room. Ice clutching his heart, dragging down his lungs. Cold sweats drenched his body, his cheeks burned as the truth pounded against his skull, rattling his brain. Draining his hope.

He was the grandson of Darth Vader.

That's why the darkness followed him. That's why his parents didn't trust him. Evil was a part of him, flowing in his bloodstream. He would ever escape it. That's why they never told him. They knew he was evil, and didn't want to give him cause to act.

He was evil. The knowledge shattered his heart.

_Join me. Embrace your legacy. Follow your destiny._

He was evil. He didn't want to be, never wanted to be. Ben wants to be with the light, he wants his parents to trust him, wants someone to trust him.

_I trust you. Join me, I will slow you a home where you are accepted._

More than anything, Ben wanted to stop being alone. He wanted one moment free of the everlasting loneliness. 

_You're not alone. I'm here. So is your grandfather._

A metallic hiss rings inside his brain.

_He's waiting to talk to you. Pray to him._

Hot tears fall down his cheek, dripping from his chin.

_Pray to him and you'll never be alone again._

Ben longed for someone to listen, to share his pain. Just someone to accept the darkness lingering around him, and he would accept them, no matter their faults. Ben wanted to be anything other than a disappointment, an obligation.

_You're nothing. But not to your grandfather. Not to me._

He wanted the voices to stop.

_You'll be alone without us._

He didn't want to be alone.

_Kneel. Pray to us._

Ben remembers the story, told years ago on a somber morning. Ben does fall down to his knees praying to an invisible alter, clasping his hands together as the pray builds within him. He remembers the story.

Ben prays to Padme. Begs her to see the light in him like she saw the light in his grandfather.

\--

He flies with his mother to Naboo. Visiting shrines to his grandmother, touring museums filled with her belongings. Listening to glamorized stories of her life, polite romanticization of her unknown lover and dead children. Leia squeezes her hands together at the bold lie that still follows her mother's legacy; even as strangers speak up about hints of the truth, they are shut down with talks of speculation and conspiracy. 

There are plays that had been written about Padme. Every Queen of Naboo had been honored in the ways of theatre, music, art, and novel inspiration; Padme had been no exception, though interest in a ruler that had passed over forty years prior had been dwindling in recent days, there had been a sudden boom in inquires and demand. Naboo likely had Snoke to thank for the increase in tourism, though they weren't willing to disclose Padme's true relationship to _Darth Vader_. Ben couldn't blame them. 

The Theatre is named after her, the walls are lined with her portraits and her favored flowers. Small stone and metallic statues in her likeness are sold at the concession stand. Along with expensive memorabilia of Naboo Currency with her depiction, postage stamps, along with replicas of her signature. The food sold there have a certification stating that Queen Padme Amidala herself enjoyed the taste of each and every item.

Though the event was advertised as a stage play, a musical rendition is what surprises them. Leia murmuring under her breath to Ben that she had forgotten that the people of Naboo used the word interchangeably. The musical is rife with songs of her praise and romantic ballads with various men, one of which is a Jedi Knight named Obi-Wan Kenobi. Ben and his mother share knowing grimaces as Anakin Skywalker is decidedly erased from Padmes story.

The play ends with no answer as to who the father of Padme's children were, the number of her children was decreased to one, and that lone daughter perished along with her mother. There is no mention of Luke Skywalker, there is no mention of Leia Organa. As they leave the Theatre Ben and his mother hear the talk and gossip. Individuals unaware of the truth who laugh as they pick their preferred love affair and individuals who were quiet as they recognized Senator Organa and her brooding son.

They ignore the whispers, walking through a small garden before meeting with reluctant relatives. Leia's cousins and their children who had wanted to cut all ties with the Skywalker bloodline. After the uncomfortable meal, they sit together on a small beach, watching the sunset over a palace Padme once lived in.

Before they leave, he and Leia toss coins in a fountain depicting Queen Amidala's likeness. Leia sits on the edge, looking up at her long dead mother. "Why did you want to come here, Ben?" Her voice is choked, Ben sees her patting her cheek with the back of her hand.

Ben rests his hand on his mother's shoulder, swallowing his own sorrow, hiding his own tears. "We are more than his legacy."

She doesn't turn to look at him, but Leia does reach up to place her hand over her sons.

\--

The First Order is still expanding, Leia begins drafting another bill.

\--

Ben makes another list about everything good in his life.

His father has taken him on more smuggler runs. His lightsaber skills have become a fine craft. Ben's starting to understand politics on a grander scale, and he's growing into a respectable pilot.

Once he's completed the small list, he burns it.

As he watches the flames, Ben thinks about how much his mother compliments Poe Dameron, how he can't navigate a political conversation despite his understanding, and how he keeps seeing visions of a dying teenage girl.

_Don't forget about me._

There was also the voice in his head, which Ben will continue to ignore.

\--

He's always trying to prove himself, Ben thinks he might be losing his youth to it. Years pass too quickly, Ben doesn't know what he has to show for his life. He wants to venture out, make his own path. His parents want the exact same, too many fights ring out late at night over it.

Ben should be trusted to live on his own, build his own ship, fight his own battles, but all anyone sees when they look at him is the shadow of Darth Vader. Ben understands now. He should be trusted to leave.

But they can't trust him.

\--

_You can't fight against the dark forever._

He can. He will.

\--

_This is where you belong._

Ben wanted to be someone his parents could be proud of. They were willing to give him a chance. They loved him. 

\--

_They aren't like you._

His mother was the daughter of Darth Vader, his uncle was the son of Darth Vader. They were good. So was he.

\--

_I'm getting impatient._

\--

The darkness grows quiet. Not fully leaving his body, but allowing Ben an unexpected peace. It's a separate, quiet peace. They take another trip to Naboo, bringing his uncle along this time. Luke's far more heartbroken at the erasure of Anakin Skywalker. Laminating about how he had redeemed himself and died in the light. Luke goes as far to state the Anakin's force ghost still makes an appearance on occasion, talking to him and giving him wisdom.

Ben nearly shatters, sorrow drowning the area left vacant by the darkness.

\--

His father is the first to notice, commenting on the lightness of his shoulders. Pausing shortly before adding. "You're turning 24 soon, 'bout time you had something other than the Falcon to fly."

\--

Han buys him a ship that could be - charitably - called garbage. "Trust me." His father says. "Scrub the dirt off so it will look pretty, but _this_ baby, could outrun the Falcon!"

Ben smiles at his father. "Dad-"

Han cuts him off with a wave, "I know." He reaches up and cups the side of his face. "Everyone says it first, it's my turn." His father smiles. "I love you, Ben."

\--

_I've learned something very interesting about you._

\--

"I got you something." Leia walks up to where Ben practices sparring with a battle droid. "A long overdue present if you ask me."

Ben places his saber to his belt, smiling at his mother. "No, you both took me to that nice restaurant, plus dad got me a ship."

Leia rolls her eyes. "Do not remind me about that." She holds out a small white package. "Open it, now."

Ben chuckles lightly, delicately opening the gift. "I always love it when you two buy me books."

"What can I say, you're too easy." She teases.

Ben slides the book out. It's thin, faded. He reads the cover. "Bedtime stories for children over eight?"

Leia swallows. "It's Alderaan." Ben's breath catches in his throat. "Your dad hunted that down when he found out I was pregnant. I wanted to read it to you, every night." She takes a long breath. "But, what can I say? I never moved on, to this day."

She steps forward, placing a hand on Ben's shoulder. "I'm not ready to read it, but it's like you said all those years ago. We're more than his legacy, and Alderaan is a part of you." Tears reflect in her eyes, as her voice catches on her final sentence. "I wish you could have seen it."

Ben pulls his mother into a tight embrace.

\--

_Do you feel that warmth?_

Ben ignores the voice, continuing to read his book. Childish rhymes, and good moral lessons.

_Remember when it came to you?_

Ben turns the page, studies the drawing accompanying the story.

_I know you remember, you rewrite the date on your arm, every single morning._

He adjusts his position, laying back, placing his arm under his head.

_I also know you remember how life felt without that warmth. Without that light._

Ben sits back up, reaching for a coin sitting on his nightstand. A token from Naboo, depicting his grandmother's face. He rubs his thumb over it, sending it a silent prayer.

_What would you do if I promised you that light tenfold? I've recruited someone who is your equal in every way. You know her, she's waiting for you._

An image comes to mind, different than what it had been before. A teenage girl, hair tied up in three buns, dressed in black, holding a lightsaber. She's not real. The girl from his visions never had a lightsaber before. The vision is false.

_Join me. This is my final offer. Join me, join her._

His movements stall, disbelief sits in his bones. After a lifetime of fighting, Ben was facing the final offer.

_You'll never be truly happy without her. You'll know this once you reject me._

A laugh escapes Ben, pure and joyous. The girl wasn't real, Snokes threat couldn't hurt him. The voice is silent, but Ben can still feel him lingering. He waits for Snokes final words.

but they never come. Snoke leaves him, ripping out the darkness that had followed him into Ben's mind. Fleeing from his body. For the first time in his life, Ben was the only voice inside his head.

He thought the overwhelming joy would drown him. Ben reaches up, dragging his hand through his hair, tears falling down his face. Completely unable to still the laughter building inside of him.

\--

The way his parents smile at him is different. They can see how the darkness is gone, staring and smiling at him knowing that their son had survived. He had stayed in the light.

\--

Ben had never known peace like this in his life.

\--

Three days later, a cold chill washes over Ben. 

\--

The chill never leaves.

\--

They receive the news that the First Order attacked Luke at his temple. Killing all of his students. Luke barely escaped. He had to flee.

He drops down on their door steps, covered in blood, drowning in shame. 

Luke describes the attack with tears in his eyes. Recalling how Snoke called the order, and the Knights of _Rey_ carried out the attack. "There were six in total." He tells them, Leia draping a blanket over his shoulders. "Five were wearing masks, those ones were all tall, by their builds, two male three female."

Luke's grip on the table before them tightens. "The leader didn't wear a mask. She's the one who, slaughtered most of my students." Luke shakes his head, tears falling from his eyes. "She couldn't have been older than fourteen, and she had a lightsaber." He takes a breath. "The _rage_ that came from her Force signature."

Han is the one to speak. "We'll need to get an idea of what she- this _Rey_ looks like, send it around, see if we can find out her real name."

Luke raises a robotic hand in protest. "No need. She said," There's a far off look in his uncle's eyes. "She yelled about how she wanted us to see her face, wanted us to know her name." Luke closed his eyes, and clutched his hands together. "She was small, thin. Small nose, small lips. Hazel eyes, pale skin. Brown hair worn up in three buns in a vertical line. Claimed her name was 'Rey, Master of the Knights of Rey.' but that could just be her title."

Beside him, Leia mummers something about a connection to the old Knights of _Ren_ that had been suspiciously low profile as of late, but her words escape him. He struggles to follow the rest of the conversation. Ben doesn't think about the girl that haunts him, just like he doesn't think about the cold spot that won't stop following him.

There is a vision that plays before him, just behind his eyes. The scene depicts a young girl slaughtering countless lives. The illusion is strong enough to where when blood splatters across her face, Ben can feel it drip down his chin.

\--

Just as Leia had predicted, the First Order had grown to an immeasurable size, destroying Republic bases. His family forms a new Resistance, calling upon the Dameron family for support.

The Resistance has two Jedi fighting on their side.

\--

But it isn't enough.

\--

The fight isn't in their favor. Rey and her Knights of Rey destroy whole cities, leaving hundreds of corpses in their wake. There are rumors that the First Order has built a base the size of a star.

Whatever entell they receive is few and far between, as every mole and spy that looks in their direction faces the same end.

Holo's of her are starting to pile up. Videos and photographs taped onto a board sitting in his mother's office. Sometimes Leia drapes a curtain over them. No one in the Resistance can stomach how young she is.

The image of Rey haunts him still. Like a vision, he can no longer ignore. She enters his dreams, begging for attention and asking him when he can come see her.

Sometimes she complains that his face is too hard to make out in dreams.

Ben works out new sleeping schedules, and finds a way to block out these dreams.

\--

Years pass without Ben's notice. Time slipping through his fingers as he readies himself for battle, pretending each day that they aren't fighting on the losing side. Often he will join his uncle on his missions, both dreading meeting up with the child the First Order has fighting their battles.

But Rey is always out of reach, always just missed.

\--

The Resistance has a spy of their own. The infighting that knowledge brings sets them back even farther.

\--

Ben only fights by his uncle's side. He offers to be a pilot under his parents but they refuse. They have Poe Dameron, so they've no use for him.

\--

He's no longer a child. He shouldn't be bothered by petty fights with his parents.

\--

But he is.

\--

Five years pass. Ben doesn't like to think about how he's lost his entire youth to Snoke. To a voice inside his head, to a war. He buries the grief he feels, buries it right next to the cold spot lingering in his soul. Right next to the false glimpses he has of a girl who doesn't exist.

\--

Ben is tired. The war weighs on everyone's shoulders, but Ben is tired. He doesn't deserve any special treatment, he doesn't expect any. Yet he longs for a moment, a moment not spent drowning in self pity.

He dreams of her. She often sneaks into his dreams. Flashes, here and there. Watches in dreams as she slaughters innocents, during some instances Ben swears she spots him. Chasing him down before the nightmare releases him.

_She's not real._ Ben always reminds himself. _Just lingering cruelty left by Snoke._ He won't acknowledge her. He can't acknowledge the sad child that grew into a monstrous villainess. A young woman with more blood on her hands than the Resistance can keep track of. He doesn't remember who she is until he's faced with her.

This current dream pulls him slowly, she comes to him. Dressed in black, she's starring in a mirror, undoing her hair. Pausing, Rey tilts her head slightly. Staring directly into his eyes. A smile tugs on her lips. "It _is_ you." She says.

Ben awakes with a fearful jolt. The cold is sharper than it had ever been before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy corona!! hope you like it!!


	2. see you in the dark

Her image lingers.

Soft, structured cheekbones. Light freckles dusted over pale skin. Chestnut hair framing her face with delicate waves. Hazel eyes that seemed to strangle Ben's very soul. Purple hung under those hazel eyes, made all the more noticeable by the red eyeshadow that was smeared across them. She wore dark lipstick, the shade a harsh tone against her skin. The smile she had greeted Ben with haunted him, but not as much as her words.

_It is you_.

Ben suppresses what the dream had shown him, yet he remains to be freed. The feeling of her lingers with him, as though she were real. Ben rises slightly from his cot, leaning on his forearms for balance. Held within a small room with only a lone window to allow dull moonlight to enter. When his eyes refuse to, Ben adjusts his hold on the Force around him. He's physically alone, no over looming threat is present, but there is a presence that he can't place.

As though there were someone watching him, equally curious.

He extends his focus, looking past his walls, checking the perimeter around him. Nothing out of place. The familiar, stressful peace sits heavy over the Resistance Base. Ben shifts his body, reaching down to place his hand flat on the cold concrete below him. No vibrations, no disturbances.

Ben takes a slow breath through his nose before releasing it through his mouth. Repeating the action again in an attempt to still any lingering anxiety from his dream. Embracing the cold touch of the air, the quiet of the night.

Yet the feeling only builds, a presence is with him, eyes burning into him, the subtle shift of clothing, a light breath. A presence that's reaching across the galaxy for him. Ben's saber flies into his hands as he leaps to his feet, the beam of his lightsaber ignites the room in a purple glow.

He sees her. No fear crosses her features as she carefully leans away from him. Ben's hold on his saber becomes so strong he fears he could shatter the crystal resting inside. Her eyes scratch over him, dilating when she observes his purple light washing over them. Ben studies her in kind.

She isn't wearing the cloak that she's depicted with in every holo the Resistance has of her. Sheer, black sleeves cover her arms, stopping in thick clusters around her wrist and her neck. She's wearing a tight black dress over the mesh, cut with a deep neckline revealing skin still barely hidden beneath the sheer material. A deep split adorns the side of her skirt, hiking up high on her thigh until a different material is exposed to the galaxy. The long legs which hid under the skirt were lean and pale, begging for attention.

She can't be real. The Master of the Knights of Rey, the ruthless killer of the First Order couldn't possibly be standing before him. The Force promises him that there's no other physical presence with him, yet here she is. Ben wonders if he's going mad.

She tilts her head, exactly like she had in his dream. Was she a projection? Reaching out to him from across the stars? _No_ "You're not doing this." She rationalizes, stealing the thought from him. "The effort alone would kill you." Chills rush through Ben's veins at hearing her voice, the _softness_ of it, the accent. "This is something else." She whispers. Cold truth washes over Ben.

Rey is _real_ , and she is right here with him.

The Force had connected them. An old habit awakens in his core, screaming at him to ignore her. To wrap himself in the safety of delusion, but paranoia was overpowering his logic. Ben's eyes dart around his familiar setting, affirming that he was safe at the Resistance Base and not trapped on a First Order ship. Then his eye's land back on Rey, holding her gaze. 

She's no voice in his head, he can't ignore her. What _was_ this? "Can you see my surroundings?" a light smile tugs at her lips when he speaks, Ben watches the area just behind her, but finds nothing of alien belonging. "I can't see yours, just you." 

She presses her lips together, as though she were attempting to conceal her smile. Rey takes her time, slowly looking over the room. Ben can hear the giggles she's suppressing, trapping them with hums of amusement. Finally, her eyes return to him, wild and hungry, lowering to his saber before flicking back up to him. "Thinking about killing me?"

He should. The Resistance lost track of her body count in her first year active, they suspect the number to be in the low thousands. Ruthless, unquestioning rage. He _should_ kill her, to better the galaxy, to protect the innocent, to _end the war_ ; but he finds himself hesitating.

Rey pouts, "No?" She questions, her voice innocent until a cackle escapes her, her lips pulling into a grin. "No," Rey confirms. "There's too much light in you, just like the Supreme Leader said." Distaste pulls a snarl from her lips, "It's insufferable."

Ben feels like his lungs have been punctured. Air abstains itself from him. His voice was breathless as he speaks. "Snoke." The voice that haunted him much like the visions. A combination of his torture standing before him. A loyal servant to his demon.

She runs her teeth over the swell of her lower lip. "He's told me so much about you, _Ben_." Rey says his name as though it were a prophecy. 

She's lying. She has to be. Aggression and fire have it's hold on Ben now, as adrenaline and dark influence build within the room. Staring down Rey, creating a new narrative for her: a villainous witch, a lying temptress; _whatever_ she is, Rey notices the fear she's instilled in Ben, despite his display of confidence. Rey takes a daring step forward. "I will not turn." Ben spits. The rage in his voice is legitimate, despite his trembling hands.

Rey offers him a sickly sweet smile."Yes, you will." She whispers "I'll show you, the dark side."

She vanishes the moment the words leave her, echoing off the walls of Ben's room. He waves his saber across the room, but finds only air.

\--

Sleep refuses to claim Ben after Rey leaves. 

Luke comments on his state of appearance the moment his eyes lay upon him. Dark circles under his eyes, his long black hair sticking upright from the many times Ben ran his hands through it. "What happened?"

Ben can't meet his uncle's blue eyes right away. He never told them about Snoke, after all these years. They wouldn't have understood, Ben himself refused to accept the truth, to acknowledge that Snoke was all the darkness that had ever haunted him. _They_ wouldn't believe that, they would think that Snoke witnessed potential in young Solo, or worse that Ben was a double agent for the fascist army. They _wouldn't_ understand. 

Just like they wouldn't understand why the Force connected him and Rey. "Long night." Ben tried. "Couldn't sleep."

Luke nods, accepting Ben's answer but still offering his opinion. "You've been doing better, Ben. Don't lose that now." He claps his hand on Ben's shoulder, "All Jedi struggle, I've faced my own hardships, and we know well enough that the Skywalker line needs to watch themselves carefully when it comes to dark influences." Ben knew. He had heard this speech many, _many_ times. "Look alive." His hand stays on Ben's shoulder for several moments before Luke walks away from him.

Snoke hadn't whispered into Ben's mind once in these long five years, Snokes absence had lifted the dark energy that had plagued Ben since before he was born. He was free, his thoughts were his own, and his family noticed the difference. However, none of them thought his allegiance to the light was permanent. Always watching him as though he were ready to surrender to the dark side. A liability that the Resistance couldn't afford.

No matter how much he healed, no matter how much better he became, no matter how much he overcame.

They still didn't trust him.

\--

His holo pad beeps repeatedly at him less than an hour later. His mother's name shines in a small notification. She was currently six planets away, managing a much larger Resistance Base than the one Ben and his uncle were currently staying at. He's surprised that _General Organa_ has the free time to send him a personal message. He knows it can't be anything good. Ben moves to stand close to a metallic wall in a common room, dreading the contents of the message before he opens it.

_Ben._

_Luke tells me you aren't sleeping well. Take better care of yourself, I know how this war can steal hours away from a person at night, but we need you at your best. Remember your meditation and your compassion. Take care._

_General Leia Organa_

He's read the message thrice over when another notification pops up on his screen, this one depicting his father's name. Ben taps open the message.

_They're paranoid. Ignore them. Take a shot of something good and remember your old man._

_Dad_

He places his holo pad away from himself, clenching and unclenching his fist as he pretends their messages don't bother him.

\--

Ben isn't surprised that Luke informed his parents over an issue as small as him not sleeping well. They always treat him like a finely adjusted adult until he displays the slightest error, then they return to treating him like an unruly teenager they can't trust.

Stuck in some cruel extension of adolescence. 

Ben removes himself from the area, headed towards an isolated hallway south of the room. As he turns the corner, a sensation similar to walking into a cold spot hits him, sending chills down his spine. Something akin to a snap rings out in the Force. Rippling across his flesh, raising his hair on end. It's a fire that touches his back, it's a feeling of being watching, it's

The feeling of someone in the room with him when no evidence of them exists.

Ben quickly turns, She's standing only a few feet away. The split he had noticed in her skirt no longer visible with the way she tilted. She's watching him with glimmering hazel eyes that burn into his flesh. Rey isn't smiling as she had last night, her eyebrows knit together, genuine curiosity tinted in her voice. "Why is the Force connecting us, you and I? Have you any theories?"

He ignores his mother's message, pounding his compassion out of his system. If Rey of the First Order were truly before him, Ben wouldn't allow any compassion to exist in their conversation. Ben storms forward, "Murderous snake!" Her eyebrows raise, but she looks as though she's holding in laughter. Fury builds in Ben. "You're going to pay for what you did!"

Ben's hand moves to his belt, edging his lightsaber but not yet drawing the weapon. "You genuinely mean to kill me then?" Her voice is light despite the context of the sentence. Rey smirks at him. "You won't do it, I know you, _Ben_." His stomach twists at the mention of his name, there's something in the way she says it that unsettles him to his core.

He pulls his saber into his hand. "You know nothing about me."

The light softly frames her face, showing how young she truly is. The smile she wears now is lighter as well. "I know everything I need to know about you." Ben ignites his weapon, purple light flooding the room. Rey doesn't like that, her eyebrows narrow slightly. "Kill me then." She orders. "But we both know, even in killing the grand enemy of the Resistance, your family will only continue to see the darkness in you." A pathetic gasp escapes him. "I've heard the rumors. They might even think you killing me was an act of darkness."

Ben could feel his heartbeat in his throat. She was right, but he refused to allow her to gain that knowledge. Rey continues her taunting. "The dark side isn't as cruel as what they've told you, I think you'd be happier over here."

"Stop taunting me!" His hand shakes slightly, Rey only tilts her head.

"Is that what you think I'm doing?" Rey asks. "I'm only telling you the truth, I know you."

Ben snarls at her. "No, you don't." He says through clenched teeth.

"The Supreme Leader told me what I needed to know." 

The very reference to Snoke shakes Ben to his core. A slight tremble finds his lower lip as Ben narrows his eyes at Rey. _Kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her kill her killer killer killer killer killer killer killer killer_ Even as the thought echoes flashes of a dying girl come to him. Looking all too like the monster before him. He knew, Rey wasn't the girl from his visions, a sick twisted reality of it, but not the same. Rey was just an evil lapdog for Snoke, worming her way into his brain. Tainting his thoughts, tempting his with Sith lies. "You're evil, just like Snoke."

Rey pouts her lips. "The Supreme Leader is wise. He said you didn't like him." After a few moments of silence, Ben's surprised to see her hands fidget at her side, pulling at her skirt, exposing the split and the long legs underneath. "You need to resist the light. You belong over here." She's speaking to him as though she were unsure of her proposal, young and uncertain of his potential reaction.

She's so young, but he doesn't allow the thought to linger. "I _am_ where I belong." Ben's quick to defend. He never wavered once when Snoke whispered in his ear. Ben ignored the mad man for far longer than Rey had even been alive. She could not tempt him. "Tell Snoke to stop trying. I am staying in the light."

A flash of anger falls over Rey, a tremor in his jaw, holding back what she wants to say. "Stop pretending." Her voice is cruel. "Tell yourself all you like that it's _sorrow_ that plagues you. Embrace your rage." Rey commands. "Or else you'll never be as strong as Darth Vader."

Again his instinct snaps, _Kill her_. Ben fights against his best instincts. "You're a monster." He spits at her.

Another shadow of a smile finds her, his insult reading more as a compliment to her. Rey raises her head, her eyes scouring him from head to toe, finally returning to his gaze. He watches as her eyes darken despite the purple glow reflecting in her eyes. Rey keeps her distance but takes up every space in the room despite her small size. "Yes, I am." She proudly whispers.

A baser instinct hits Ben in that moment. A tight knot hardening in his lower abdomen as Rey disappears with the Force.

\--

A logical voice whispered that Ben needed to meditate, to steady his heart and mind. An illogical, much louder voice suggested he smash everything in reach. Ben's fingers shook with such rage he feared he couldn't manage to suppress it. 

No. There's no rage in him. A cold pain washes over him as Ben reminds himself that he feels no pull to the dark. He can't allow Rey to get the better of his emotions. Ben presses down on whatever is boiling inside of him, and heads for a quiet meditation just outside of the Resistance Base.

\--

His uncle finds him hours later, hunched over his holo pad in an empty conference room. Ben looks up in greeting, ignoring the urge to cover the screen with his hand but not enough to keep his hand from twitching.

Luke offers Ben a tight smile and light nod in return. _Shit_ His uncle takes longer than he should in approaching Ben. Childish dread sitting heavy on his lungs. Ben copies the exact thin smile of his uncle as Luke sits next to him.

Finally breaking the silence, "I've noticed a shift today." Luke states. "Subtle, but subtlety can render fatal if left unchecked."

Ben doesn't appreciate that one bad day could cause his own blood to think him unhinged. "Yes." His tone was deeper than he should have responded with. Ben clears his throat. "Long night, long day." He tries.

In the quiet background, Ben feels a distance hold. Lingering, wanting to remain unnoticed. "Tell me what's giving you grief." Luke ends his demand as though it were a question, reaching for Ben with the Force to assure he can not lie.

Not willing to unleash nearly thirty years of quiet torment, Ben slides over his holo pad, the screen depicting every image they had of Rey. Voicing some of the panic as his uncle observes the collection. "She's nineteen now. Her abilities with the Force will only be growing stronger."

A sigh escapes Luke. "The casualties only continue to grow." He takes a moment to study the holo pad. "These are all the recent sightings." Ben mummers in confirmation. "I swear that Leia only uses the oldest ones in her briefings. It's horrific and depressing to see such a young child with so much blood on her hands." 

"She's nineteen now." Ben isn't sure what he's defending.

Luke takes a moment to agree, instead stating "She's getting angrier."

Ben's jaw tightens as he stares at Rey's portrait. "She is." He agrees. They sit in silence as Luke taps on the most recent footage the Resistance has of her. A short video of Rey slaughtering a room of their troops. Twin red beams of light slashing them down, Rey screams as she charges. Completely feral. Unkempt raw rage.

The definition of unhinged.

\--

Luke accepts the truth Ben offers, however he parts with "Don't dwell on the dark. Ignore it." There's something tight stuck in his throat as Ben nods.

He's spent his entire life wanting to prove himself, walking a thin line of what his family will accept of him. Ben can't do anything to threaten that.

At the doorway, Luke calls back, "There are nice young men here Ben," Shame heats his cheeks as his uncle continues, "You know I don't forbid relations as the Jedi of old did. I think it would do you some good to have someone in your life other than the image of a villain." 

\--

Rey returns to Ben while he's meditating in his room. The sun had set long ago, and soft lighting hung on his walls. His eyes flickered open at the initial connection, not closing soon enough to keep the image of exposed legs from burning into his retinas.

"I've been thinking," Rey begins. "about how you called me a monster." There's a subtle shift of clothing, a light tap of her foot against the concrete. "I've no illusions about being anything less than a monster, however, I'm beginning to suspect you did not intend your words as a compliment." She lets out a huff, her voice coming low. "Were you insulting me, _Ben_?"

He keeps his shoulders relaxed, taking several long moments to inhale the oxygen around him, holding that air for an additional several seconds before slowly releasing it back into the room. Ben begins to repeat the action when Rey speaks again. "Ben?" She asks, slight confusion could be found in her voice.

His fingers are lax where they lay against his knee. Ben whispers his hold on the Force to surround him with light energy. He wills peace to himself. Rey calls his name again, Ben keeps his eyelids shut. He can hear another shift of fabric. "Are you ignoring me!" Defensive and tense.

Ben was ignoring her. He had never entertained Snoke during his unwelcome intrusion into his mind and he would treat Rey with the same courtesy. Ben keeps his sole attention on his meditation, his breathing, his inner peace.

A hard breath escapes from Rey, her voice low. "Aren't you afraid I'll use this as an opportunity to kill you?" She's attempting to get a reaction from him.

She wouldn't attack him, if both she and Snoke truly had the intention of recruiting Ben to the dark side they very well couldn't accomplish their goal with him dead. If the Force was truly adamant in its effort to bridge the two of them together then Ben would suffer in silence. He won't join the dark, he won't even entertain it.

Rey stays silent, awaiting a response Ben will never allow her. He attempts to drown the sensation of her away from his consciousness, but fails. Ben's aware of every sound and movement she makes.

The dark orange glow of his closed eyes do little to sober Ben from Rey's presence. He can hear her as she lowers herself in front of him, one bare leg resting against the concrete while the other laying on top of cloth. Rey leans forward, feeling dangerously close. Her breath brushing his chin. Ben ignores her. He has to. 

"You'll turn." She tells him. "You will." Rey comes closer, Ben stills all movement in his body as a reaction. Ignoring how hot her breath feels against his skin. "I was promised you. You'll turn." She repeats. "You don't have a choice."

A chill runs down Ben's spin. What does she mean she was _promised_ him? Those words echo with increasing volume in his brain. His body is doing a very poor job ignoring her, and her breath is so distracting. Ben scolds himself as he opens his eyes.

Excitement shines over a hazel hue when he does so. Red eyeshadow and dark mascara run in streaks under her eyes. A smile spreads over her face as he finally acknowledges her. Ben keeps his voice even, cold, detached. "You can't take me."

He won't surrender. Rey's smile drops, her face twitching. Deep venom coating her response. "You know I can take whatever I want."

Ben's breath catches in his throat, jaw slack, his body reacting to her by its own volition. Eternally grateful when the Force steals her just moments later.

\--

A message from his mother waits for him when Ben finally wakes. Familiar dread weighs him as he reaches for his holo pad, the light burning his eyes.

_Ben_

_I'm notified every time you access the Rey files. She's a problem for all of us, don't lose sleep over this. Keep the light in check._

_General Leia Organa_

Two messages from her in two days. Pain builds in his chest. She never messages him unless she's disappointed in him. Rising embarrassment follows the pain that overtakes his emotions. Ben truly doesn't understand what his family must think of him. They've no need to worry like this over him.

By the grace of her training, he won't be seduced.

\--

He shouldn't have looked at her photos last night.

\--

Ben didn't feel a pull to the dark side. Never has. It was all Snoke. All of it. There was a small influence that still lingered, but it didn't belong to Ben.

It didn't.

\--

There's some word about where Rey and the Knights of Rey are to attack next. Ben boards a ship at his uncle's side, taking off into hyperspace so they might reach the endangered planet in time. That ripple in the Force tingles Ben's senses.

A pause, before the Force binds them together. Red light flooding the room.

He's seated, and in company. Unable to acknowledge her fully-despite his continually failing instance to ignore her- Ben steals a glance towards his uncle, completely unaware that the woman they were hunting down was standing just behind them.

Ben adjusts his seating, tilting his head just so she graces the edge of his vision. Her weapon lowered, cloaked in thick black robes, wet mud clinging to the bottom. Sweat trails down her face, dripping from her chin.

Her smile is so warm as she looks at him. "Ben." She whispers, taking a peaceful breath. The lighting of the ship suits her face, she looks younger than she is.

Like a vision of a teenage girl starving to death.

Something steals her attention after a short pause, just for a moment. Rey quickly turns her head to the right, flinching as a splatter of blood hits her. Mixing with her sweat, dripping down her chin. Annoyance in her features as she says. "Can you not do that next to me?"

Dread hits him.

Wherever she is, she's already killed. It didn't matter how quickly they flew across the galaxy. He knew she would be long gone before they arrived.

\--

They only find corpses when they land.

\--

He won't acknowledge her.

"You're so brooding, it really adds character." She's sitting on something invisible to Ben's eye, giving her the illusion of floating in the air. The material of her skirt has hitched up her thighs, causing the split to expose more skin, more leg. Ben keeps his eyes away. 

When he says nothing, Rey-as usual- improves upon the silence. "We'll need to get you a new wardrobe. Those white and brown Jedi robes are disgusting." Ben flinches at the implication.

"I'm not a Jedi." Rey's far harder to ignore than Snoke.

She shrugs her shoulders, moving past his statement. "I'll dress you in black. That's your color." She tilts her head back. "I never had nice clothes before, didn't realize the difference it could make." Ben looks upon Rey's face.

She wasn't wearing any makeup at this moment, he could count the freckles dusted across her skin. All too familiar, too much to observe. Ben's forced to lower his gaze, where long legs await him. A lost face flashed across his vision. Rey looked too much like that girl. "Who are you." The words fall from him before Ben can think.

Rey doesn't answer, her legs shift slightly. She leans forward but Ben keeps his eyes away from her face. Intently studying the fabric of her skirt as Rey chuckles.

"I'm your bad, bad girl." 

An sharp intake of air hisses through his teeth. The sound echoing through the room. She vanishes with the Force despite the protest of his body.

\--

Ben hate's how his body responds to her. Always scolding himself for his absurd longing whenever she's gone. He _doesn't_ want her, he's just lonely.

\--

He's so lonely.

\--

Ben was exceptionally talented at social distancing and an expert at self isolation. A very lonely boy with no friends and a demonic voice that whispered to him day and night. Ben had spent years burying himself in novels to fill the void, only realizing much later in life the social skills he sorely lacked.

The older he aged, the more obvious it became to Ben that he may never form any kind of connection with another person greater than that of an acquaintance. Not that the opportunity had ever truly presented itself. His parents didn't want him alone with other kids when he was younger, even as he entered adulthood they always made some excuse as to why he should stay at home rather than socialize with people his own age.

There had only been one moment in his life Ben was allowed privacy with another person. 

When he was twenty-one, Luke had flown Ben out to his Jedi temple, so that Ben could practice sparring with the other students. Luke clearly had faith that should Ben turn to the dark side during his visit, his students should be able to stand their ground. So for the first time in his life, Ben had the opportunity to make friends.

He stumbled over all of his sentences and was quickly forgotten by the others. Except for one. A bald headed boy named Tai, the same age as him. Also isolated by his peers. He offered Ben an escape from the crowd, a polite walk through the woods in the surrounding area.

They were both terrible at conversation, distracted by their own awkwardness and a heavy tension building in the air. They were both equally lonely, wanting the experience, the release.

So neither protested when they pressed themselves against a thick tree, pressing hard kisses on the other, fisting the fabric of robes in their hands. Uncomfortable grinding, uncertain hands. Tai spat in his hand before he wrapped his fingers around both of their lengths. Ben mimicked the action, jerking them off together.

Tai avoided eye contact when it was over, quickly wiping his hand on his trousers. Ben mimicked the action as Snoke taunted him in whispers. They walked back to the temple in complete silence. 

Their love affair had been awkward, and unfulfilling. After three more encounters and an uncomfortable confrontation by both Master Skywalker and Han Solo, Ben never spoke to Tai again. Tai held more shame about their relationship than Ben knew. 

Ben wasn't the type of person other people cared about. He knew that and was fine with it. He was a liability.

\--

He didn't look for comfort. He didn't want it.

\--

Just like he didn't want Rey.

\--

His body was pathetic, reacting the moment the Force bridged them together. Her breathing was coming out in pants, the very sound driving him mad. Ben tightened his hands in fists as he turned to look at her.

She was patting her face with a towel, dressed in a loose black top and _short_ black training shorts. Sweat dripped off her body and reflected in the light. Rey's stance swayed as she noticed him. Gulping down air before she spoke. "Sorry." Her voice was pitched. Rey takes a few steps before seating herself on an object Ben can't see. "Intensive training." She attempts to explain. "Can you carry the conversation for once?"

He can't stop staring at her legs, long and lean, she won't stop panting. Ben can't think of conversation. "What's your training regimen like?" He walks away from her, staring at his desk in the corner.

A groan escapes her. "Asking me questions isn't carrying the conversation, Ben!" The sound of his name on her lips twists something inside of Ben. Her panting inspires a daydream he quickly buried.

He reaches for his water canteen, handing it to Rey while avoiding eye contact. "Here." His voice is quick. 

Rey doesn't hesitate to grab it. "Is it poisoned?" She asks before sniffing it.

"It's _cold_." If he was going to kill her, Ben should have done it by now.

She takes a long drink, moaning while doing so. Ben clenches his jaw to keep from reacting, keeping his eyes focused on the wall behind Rey. She whispers her thanks when she's done, slowly handing the canister back to him.

"I love space." Rey admits. "I love it so much. Everything is so cold here." She explains, leaning into whatever she was sitting on. "I never realized how nice that could be, it was the same temperature on Jakku year round. There was no escape from the heat." Ben raises an eyebrow at that.

"Jakku?" He questions.

Rey grimaces. "It's a terrible place." A haunted look clouds her eyes. "But it's where I'm from." She scratches at her neck, trailing her hand down, holding it before her line of sight. "Did you know your skin pales when it doesn't get enough sunlight? I thought I was dying as the color slowly faded. Never saw my skin as anything but _burnt_ , all red and cracked." 

Her voice trails off, mentally drifting away for a moment. "I can't tell you what a paradise space is. How amazing it is to shiver." Rey smiles at her own subject change. "It snows on one of our bases. Have you ever seen snow?"

Ben watches her face carefully. "Occasionally."

Rey raises her leg so that her foot can press on her seat. "There's _so_ much snow there, and the feel of it, the feeling of ice against your skin!" A rich breath leaves her. "There's so much comfort in the cold. Not like heat, after Jakku..." The haunted look returns. "Sometimes just the _idea_ of warmth is too much for me."

Ben thinks about the cold spot that's haunted him these last five years. "I hate the cold." He tells her.

A sad glimmer hits her lovely face. Rey offers him a light smile, reaching out to him with her hand. "I'll keep you warm." Her sincerity pulls at the loneliness resting at the pit of his heart, so Ben's eyes fall to her legs instead of answering her. Finding the freckles that lay on plump thighs.

Rey follows his gaze, extending them more for him. "I'll keep you very warm."

Again his body reacts, intense hunger threatening to consume all composure. His only saving grace is the Force that always steals her from him.

\--

She's lying about Jakku.

\--

He knows she is.

\--

"Did you know that I can speak up to several different languages and read up to fifteen!" Rey gloats. Ben ignores her, keeping his attention fixed on the other speaker in the room.

Why the Force would possibly connect them while he was at a briefing, Ben would never know, but the Force has never exactly been _with_ him. Rey stood before him demanding his attention not knowing that she was the very subject of his meeting.

"Ben." Rey draws out, repeating his name a few more times. She shifts her weight to one hip, looking down at him. "Stop ignoring me, we talked about this."

_No, we didn't_. Ben longs to tell her.

"Seriously Ben, I'm not joking, I swear to the stars I will throw something at you."

_I'm in a meeting! Do not throw anything!_ There would be no explaining himself if the entire conference room saw him flailing around at invisible bullets. Ben gives her a _look_ that he hopes will convey that message.

She only returns his look with confusion. "What's that face? Stop it." He can't give her too much attention without drawing attention to himself, Ben steals his eyes away from his mother again to give Rey another pleading look.

_Don't throw anything!_ If Rey even tried to throw something at him, Ben swore at that moment he would hunt her down across the stars.

Realization finally came to Rey. "Oh! You aren't alone." Her disappointment was clear. "That's not fair, I'm wearing new lipstick, I wanted to get your opinion." Why would she want that? "Ben, look at me!" He does, letting his eyes linger for a moment.

It was nice, a crimson red. Even if he had the ability to speak, Ben wouldn't have vocalized his opinion. He's not giving into her.

"No, no!" _Shit_. "Don't just look away, I said I wanted your opinion." Ben was begging the Force to end the connection. "Ben." Her voice was a warning.

He looks at her, giving the quickest, shortest nod he could before pretending to return his attention to the lecture. Rey begins walking closer to him, waving her hand so that an invisible chair would find her.

"I never, ever had make up." Rey begins as she sits down. "Didn't even know it existed! No one I knew had the luxury to buy it, and no one sold it." She rubs her fingers across her face. "It was a gift, though it was the most pointless thing in the galaxy. All those brushes and the steps you have to follow in order." Rey shakes her head. "Threw most of it away, but I liked the colors of some of the pallets and lipsticks. There were shades of colors I didn't know were real." She drums her fingers along her cheek. "It's fun, I use my fingers to put on the eyeshadow."

The projection behind his mother begins playing a holo tape of Rey slicing a man in half with her lightsaber, kicking his corpse after it falls. That was the same woman sitting before Ben. 

"I'll be more than willing to share when you finally join me. I've already started collecting gifts for you. Books and whatnot." How does she know he likes to read? Snoke? Why would Snoke give her such information? Why would she care? "I've also made up my mind about something." Ben's eyes flicker towards her. "As punishment for making me wait so long, you won't have your own room. You'll have to share mine."

He keeps his composure, but a lead weight still drops inside of him, his body waking up at her comment.

"I hate waiting. I've done more than I ever should have, you are the sole exception. I'll wait for you, but I'm not happy about it." Ben can longer indulge short glances, when his eyes fall on her again, they stay. Holding her gaze.

_What am I to you_?

Rey smiles, sorrow hiding at the edges. "There's so much more to life than I ever knew. Don't make me wait for the best of it. You belong over here, you'll turn-"

_No_.

"-I'll help you."

Ben turns his attention back to the general, waiting for the Force to rip Rey away from him.

\--

A small hand presses against the back of Ben's shoulder, the unexpected contact causes him to finch, basically jumping as he turns around. A very startled Kaydel Ko gasped at Ben's sudden movement, leaning away from him.

Avoiding his gaze, scratching at her blonde hair. "Solo, I know you're the General's son-" Kaydel stops her own words.

"I'm aware, Lieutenant Connix, how is serving under General Organa?" Leia hadn't sent in her lieutenant to scold him, had she?

She waves her hand at his question. "I am _honored_ to be fighting by the Generals side, and that's why I don't want to come across as rude or jeopardize my position in the Resistance."

Ben wanted to groan, she _had_ been sent by his mother. Indefinitely worse than the older trio drawing the short straw for who had to yell at him. "Yes, Connix. None of that is at risk." 

Relief washes over her face, she shoulders slouch. "I'm not interested." She breathes, after a moment her eyes widen and quickly adds. "I'm flattered, Solo. It's just..."

"What?" They've never spoken before this moment. Nothing more than another face in the room.

Kaydel raises her eyebrow. "You were staring, and nodding, all meeting." She states.

_Oh_.

"Staring...at you?" She nods at his question.

_Fuck_.

"Thank you for your rejection." Ben mumbles before he flees from her.

\--

Humiliation still lingers in his thoughts when Rey returns in the dead of night. Pale moonlight falling over her like a spotlight. Ben thinks briefly about thanking her for not causing a scene when she had every opportunity to ruin him in front of his entire faction. Ben also thinks about the untold drama she's now created between him and his mother's lieutenant, so his apology sits at the back of his tongue.

Ben pulls himself into a sitting position as Rey lowers herself next to him. "What food do you like? I can eat everything, so no need to worry about me." Her hair is undone, soft waves and curls hanging around her.

He wants to reach out, twist one of the locks around his finger. Ben clenches his hands into fists to prevent any movement. "Why?" 

Rey smiles lightly. "The First Order has plenty of credits to spare, there'll never be a shortage of portions. You'll never go hungry here." The earnestness in her voice sends chills.

"Why do you care?"

He thinks he can see the reflection of tears on her waterline. "You don't have to pretend with me, Ben." Rey whispers. "Don't be afraid." She pleaded. "I feel it too."

Her hand reaches for him, stopping just shy of his skin. A phantom hold on him. Hazel eyes fall to his lips, Rey leans forward, Ben can't stop himself from leaning into her as well.

She's gone with the Force before their lips touch. A hard longing stays with Ben as his eye's search an empty room.

\--

He doesn't want her.

\--

Ben doesn't think about her.

\--

Doesn't think about her thighs parting for him, long legs wrapping around him. Rey panting in his ear. Whispering his name, wanting him with her. Her warm skin against his, distracting him from the cold. Moaning as he rips off her dress, as she scratches down his back.

\--

He's so achingly hard when he takes himself in hand.

\--

In the morning, Ben thinks about approaching his mother, seeking subtle advice and old wisdom about meditation and controlling himself. Quickly making his way across long corridors and crowded hallways. Finally, at one of the loading docks, Leia stands at the far end, Kaydel Ko Connix stands next to the General, looking away as soon as Ben's eyes fall on her. She gives him pause.

Kaydel wouldn't have told the General anything, but if she began acting strangely when Ben went to speak with his mother...

_Shit_.

Given the war and Kaydels constant company, Ben knows there won't be an opportunity to talk to his mother privately for some time yet. He lets out a frustrated groan, turning around to leave the area when Lukes voice calls him.

"Looking for me?" Ben swivels, turning to the voice. Luke was fast approaching him, an easy smile. "You look relaxed, given the circumstances. Did you meditate?" 

Ben masturbated twice last night while thinking about a sworn enemy, he didn't have the time to fit in mediation. "Yes." He lies.

Luke's smile widens. "Good, that's very good to hear, Ben." He tilts his head, observing the room. "Still can't believe we finally got the information on Rey."

_What information?_ Ben almost shouts, attempting to keep his composure at the mention of her name. Just nodding in acknowledgment to his uncle.

Luke doesn't mind the silence. "I doubt we will get any more information about the Kira family or her life on Jakku, but the information we do have puts our enemy into a terrifying perspective." He's lying. Rey isn't from Jakku, but the other information,

"Kira." He's breathless as he repeats the name.

"There's still a possibility of finding her father, but I doubt that as well." _Her last name was killer_.

Ben can't keep himself from asking. "Kira was her mother's surname?"

His uncle raises an eyebrow. "Given your interest in Rey I thought you would have reread the report a thousand times by now."

He was an idiot for not reading it once. "I'm not interested in Rey." He's being too defensive.

Luke narrows his eyes for only a moment. "Well, are you ready for the mission?"

_Fuck_. "Of course." He was so _fucking_ stupid.

Ben earns a nod from his uncle. "Let's get a move on then." Following the man as he headed towards their ships. His fingers twitch as he feels along down his robes for his holo pad. When he finds nothing a hard rage shakes his hands. Ben had gotten intoxicated by the one thing he swore would never turn him, now he was paying the price.

As he approaches his ship, Luke's metallic hand presses at the back of his shoulder. "I'll see you at Star Killer Base." Ben has no fucking idea what that is, but offers luck as they part. Climbing into his ship, praying that the coorderience of the mission were transferred to the receiver on board.

\--

"What are you doing with your hands? Oh, are you flying?" He can't see her, but the sounds of her footsteps echo in the cockpit. "Do you like flying? Did you know I can fly?" Her voice was rushed, far too excited.

Ben makes sure his comm is off before responding to her. "What's going on, Rey?" Turning his head away from the zooming space to watch her.

A beautiful smile overtakes her lovely face, her hands rushing up to cover it. "You've never said my name before!"

He couldn't allow her to change the subject, Ben's lucky he even knew where he needed to fly off to. "Don't change the subject, Rey. What's the First Order doing." She comes closer.

"If I'm being honest, I was so afraid you didn't actually know my name." She admits. "And hearing you say it, I don't know it's like flutters." Rey shakes her hands in demonstration.

He couldn't trust her, "I need information." but she was his only hope.

Her smile stays just as bright. "What kind of information?" Rey moves her hands to press into her cheeks, smearing her lipstick.

Ben can't risk revealing Resistance information, his mind reels as he searches for any question that could help his ignorance. Only one question makes sense. "Where are you?"

Hope shines from her, "Are you finally coming?" Rey's voice is light, shaky. "Thank you." Her hand twitches as though she were about to reach for him but thinks better of it. "Everything's ready for you," She tells him. "You'll want for nothing."

Ben swallows. "Rey, where are you." His heart pounds in his chest.

Finally, she reaches for him. Her fingers trailing down his robes, towards his hands. When she brushes her bare hand over his skin the Force drowns him with visions.

A little girl with neglective parents, a teenager starving in the desert. A young woman wielding a blue lightsaber. Dressed in white, her hair in three buns. Holding his hand, kissing his face. A bright, hopeful future awaiting her.

When the vision fades Rey gives him the coorderance to Star Killer Base.

\--

The woman from his vision wasn't Rey. The Force was lying to him. Ben knows that.

\--

She had told him where to land, which such delicate instruction Ben wondered if she had practiced telling him before. He wasn't going to meet up with her, he only needed a better understanding of his mission.

Rey was on Star Killer, which meant her Knights were there as well. Attacking and destroying the Base would be vital to the survival of the Resistance. It would be an event that would lead to their victory.

This was an assault mission. Ben was only now learning this. Rey would likely die tonight, and that didn't bother Ben. It didn't.

His ship began shaking as the end of his hyper drive approached. Ben's hands hovered over his comm button, refusing to move. He had to turn it on and find any instruction. Find his place in this fight.

He'd be jeopardizing the entire Resistance if his hesitation continued. This was not the time for his pathetic longing to get the better of him. Ben had spent his entire life proving himself, he had lost everything to Snoke and the dark side. This victory would set everything in motion for Ben to regain some semblance of control in his life.

When Star Killer rises before him, he doesn't turn his comm on. Instead, Ben heads for the location Rey told him of.

\--

Heavy snowfall covers his lashes, thick trees obstruct his view. Ben begins walking in what he needs to be in the right direction. Explosions in the far distance can be heard. The assault has started, and Ben was lost in the mechanical woods.

Raising his hands to shield his eyes, he waits for her dark figure to emerge from the white snow.

\--

The roaring sounds of ships fly overhead. Blasters firing off, the base trembles below him. There's still no sign of Rey.

\--

He's still walking twenty minutes later, he can't find her.

\--

The cold is making him tremble.

\--

"Did you send them?" She screams. 

Ben doesn't think she's real at first, expecting her to yet again be a vision from the Force. However, the wind rips at her clothing, and snow builds in her hair, melting at the heat of her skin. 

They're only separated by nine feet, too close and too far apart. His teeth clatter as Ben answers her. "They were already on their way."

Fury is pouring off of her. "And you? Why are you here?" Ben notices she's holding her weapon.

"I don't know." His answer was genuine, quiet. 

Rey shakes her head. "I don't believe you."

Ben adjusts his stance. "I'm not lying, Rey."

"I don't fucking believe you!" She screams.

She ignites her saber, the red glow melting the snow around her. On instinct, Ben lights his own saber, his purple beam mixing with her light. Rage bleeds from her, straight into the Force. Rey charges him.

Ben scarcely manages to dodge and deflect her attacks, none of which are life threatening. She's angry, but not enough to kill him. Her close, physical proximity terrifies Ben. Everything intoxicating about her increased ten fold. Her freckles, her heat, her _scent_.

So familiar, so haunting. 

Her rage pulsates in the Force, screaming flashes of her life into his brain. Every moment that had brought her pain, Ben sees all of it. A blonde mother with hazel eyes, being dragged away from her, hot sand burning her skin, days spent without eating. The visions are too much.

His fighting suffers, Rey's saber grazes his skin, burning his flesh but never enough to truly harm him. More and more bleeds from her. Sharing what he had already seen. What he had buried. 

Her saber slashes the side of his face, Ben drops to the ground. As he places his hand on the ground he sees his blue fingertips. Pain, heartbreak, love, and longing course through his veins as Ben turns to watch Rey, who was towering over him.

His voice is so choked. He didn't want it to be true.

"It is you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, the next chapter will be all smut, i promise.
> 
> pure shameless smut
> 
> also if this chapter is bad, blame aries season


	3. gold cage, hostage to my feelings

Snowflakes sharp as jagged ice cut at Ben's face with the unforgiving wind. His face throbs and pulsates with the burning wound stretched from his chest to the bridge of his nose. Laid on the cold ground, his weapon still glowing yet just out of reach. The air stings his lungs and rips at his throat as he sucks in shallow breaths. Anguish screaming inside of him. 

She towers over him, the moonlight shining upon her like a spotlight. Her dual bladed lightsaber bleeding into the darkness, her pain and rage amplifying the Force energy around them, shaking the surrounding area. Ragged breathing, watery hazel eyes, and fury in her heart. She destroyed any chance he possessed that would allow him to remain in denial. Ben knew the woman standing before him.

 _Rey_.

The frightened child, starving teenager, and murderous woman. Visions that had followed him, pleading for his help. He had watched her suffer for years, and did nothing. He ignored her, tucked her image away in a faraway part of his mind. Protecting himself from her sorrow and pain. Shielding himself from anything he thought would bring him closer to the dark side.

"Stand up!" Rey screams, kicking snow at him when Ben refuses to move. He flinches at the action, blinking rapidly at the snowflakes landing in his eyes. A growl escapes Rey when Ben continues to lay dormant. "I said stand up!" Her voice cracks.

His limbs refuse, keeping Ben locked in place on the frozen ground. Paralyzed by the knowledge he had desperately wanted to prove false. Trying to understand why the Force had connected them for _years_ , how he'd been able to stand idly by while the greatest threat to the galaxy had been created.

She bends closer to him. "We're not done!" Rey orders, raising her weapon. "Stand up and fight!" Her movements suggest she's ready to strike, but her arms shake. She's holding herself back.

Led by Snoke, the evil voice that had plagued Ben his entire life. Snoke could be manipulating her just as he had Ben. The light could still exist inside of Rey, a small flicker causing her to hesitate. Cold horror lingers, the roaring of the wind only rivaled by the pounding in his chest. He could have saved her.

"Now, Ben!" The rapid air flow rips Rey's cloak off her shoulders, stealing away into the night. Rebel airships soaring past TIE fighters, red blaster shooting into the sky in beautifully thin beams. Like falling stars.

He could have saved her.

"I'm not fucking joking! Stand. Up." Long legs, pale as snow shine under the moonlight. The skirt of her dress exposing them through the deep split.

He still could.

Ben reaches out with the Force, his saber flying into his hand. Sliding away as Rey strikes the ground next to where he had been laying. _She's not going to kill me_. He keeps a safe distance between them, holding his hand out between the space. His feet slightly slipping on the ice below him.

His blood burns like fire in his veins as he pleads, "Rey, I need you to listen to me!" His hand trembles in the air between them, he can no longer feel his fingers.

She brings her saber dangerously close to his hand, the heat emitting from her weapon restoring life to his frostbitten limbs. "No! You've brought the Resistance down upon us, I trusted you!" Her heartbreak elegantly mixed with her anger.

Ben wants to lean forward, to approach her. "I didn't lead them here, Rey please understand." He begs. "I'm only here for you."

The tears on her cheeks reflect with the aggressive color of her saber and the pale glow from the moon. "You're lying." Rey hisses.

"No," Ben had spent his entire life lying to himself, about Snoke, about Rey. He was done. "I would never lie to you." Rey only wavers for a moment, Ben continues. "I came here for _you_."

His words linger in the snowfall around them."To kill me then?" Her voice quiet against the howling wind. "To rid yourself of me?"

Ben shakes his head. "No. No!" His trembles. "I don't want to hurt you!" Rey steps forward, until the dual blades of her lightsaber are approaching his neck. Ben takes a small step to the side and she mimics his movements, continuing until their footprints start to create the beginning arches of a circle.

A pained, hysterical laugh came from her. Sickly quiet. Desperate. "Wish I could say the same, _Ben_." Rey tells him. "You arrived with the Rebels, if you brought them here or not won't matter to the Supreme Leader." Sweat drips from her temple down to her chin. "He's going to make you pay for this."

Ben's breath catches in his throat, ready to fall to his knees at the flicker of light inside of her. She was worried about him, about what Snoke would do. Rey wasn't completely turned to the dark. "My safety is no longer a concern of mine." Ben declares. Pure rage washes over her face. "Rey-"

She pulls back her weapon and swings, Ben quickly blocking her attack with his own saber. A rich burgundy color taints the light that illuminates them. "You are so _fucking_ selfish." Rey hisses at him. 

The hazel of her eyes had been erased by the red filter of her saber, Ben longs to see their true color again. "I am." He doesn't deny her claim. "I'm here now Rey, I'm here to help." He can't change his past, nor can he forgive himself for leaving her to fight against the dark by herself, but he _can_ atone for it.

"I can't protect you now!" She screams. "Do you have any idea the punishment that the Supreme Leader will inflict upon you!" Her shoulders tremble, her breathing ragged. She's trying to prevent herself from hyperventilating.

Fear and pain course through his heart. "I'm not afraid of Snoke." Ben lies.

Rey pushes harder down on the light blade of his weapon. "Keep the Supreme Leaders name out of your mouth." She demands. "Until you join us you don't have that right!"

"Snoke is manipulating you!" Ben pleaded with her, fighting against her strength. "He led you into the dark!"

"I found the dark by myself!" Rey argues. "The Supreme Leader only showed me how to use my anger!"

He searches her face, searches for what he knows is there. "Snoke only tainted your pain. Took everything that caused you sorrow and convinced you it was rage!" Just as Snoke had tried to do with him.

Her stance weakens, Ben pushes back, gaining a better advantage. Ben continues his reasoning. "I know the pain you feel! How it hurts!" Pauses, then says "That's why you are the only one who doesn't wear a mask! You want everyone to see your anguish!" She wants someone to see the light that still resides inside of her. 

She leans dangerously close to him, her nose almost touching his, any movement with either of their weapons could slice open her neck. Ben stills his movements, begging his hands to cease their trembling.

Her voice was cold as she tells him. "I don't wear a mask because I want everyone to know how fucking _angry_ I am." 

She quickly pulls back, his stance becomes unbalanced as Rey swiftly kicks his stomach. Ben drops to the ground like dead weight. The air rushing out of his lungs. His entire body trembles, Ben can't steady himself enough to raise from the snow.

Behind him, he can hear Rey's movement. Uncertain footsteps, followed by a light fall. Ben turns his gaze to her. She's too close, all he sees are pale legs laid on top of pale snow. Heavy piles of snowfall on top of them, Ben's hand slides by the vibrations shattering the icy ground.

The trees tremble as well, the base whines, metallic hissing breaking through to the surface. Starkiller Base quakes below them. Rey crawls her way through the ice, towards him. Pinning his shoulders down into the snow. "Tell me the Rebels plan for attack!" The moonlight behind her casts a silver halo into her hair, the light doesn't reach her face, her hazel eyes still lost from him. "Now, Ben!"

He can't answer her, he never read the report, didn't bother to pay attention to the meeting. Too captivated by her presence to attempt anything that didn't involve listening to her, watching her. He had been so cold and cruel to her.

Given his family's legacy involving large space stations, Ben knew in his bones what the Rebels goal was. "We need to leave. Now." Her hold on him lights enough for Ben to push himself forward. "My ship is nearby, Rey." He reaches for her hand, intertwining their fingers, a fire warming his numb fingers at her very touch.

Rey stands first, helping Ben steady himself as the ground destabilizes his movements. Calling his saber with the Force, attaching it to his belt before they begin chasing after his ship. His mind racing with how the next events following this moment _need_ to play out.

He can't take Rey back to the Resistance Base, not yet, likely not anytime soon. They need to figure out how to keep Snoke from whispering into her mind, how to free her of that mad man's hold. Ben will also have to confess a lifetime of quiet trauma to his family, secrets he had never dared share. They'll understand, Snoke was the villain. He was.

His feet slide against a thick sheet of black ice, Rey's free hand wraps around his bicep, pulling him closer. Helping him find balance. Ben doesn't allow any time to be lost. snowflakes scratch against his skin and cloud his vision. He won't fail, Ben keeps running.

The raging wind blows against the piles of snow threatening to hide his spacecraft, black panels glowing in the lonely moonlight. Their footsteps pound against the metal ramp, the sound drowned out by more pressing issues.

Ben doesn't release Rey's hand until the ramp is closed, he doesn't want to let go. His soul screams for him to hold her still, to press against her and beg her forgiveness for ignoring her for so long. Confess his sins and swear devotion until his death.

But he _can't_ , Ben can't allow himself to get lost in pleasant distractions. If he were to look upon her now, he would never be able to look away. Starkiller Base held the possibility of detonating at any moment, and he'll be damned before he's responsible for her death.

He stalks past her, down a short hallway and into the pilot's room. Quickly flipping switches and turning levers, his ship heating itself to life. Ben's hyper-aware of Rey's presence just outside of the area, peering at him from a heartwrenching distance. 

Ben falls into the captain's seat, he still can't look back at her. Placing his hand over the final lever, pale fingers held in a death grip. "Rey." He calls.

Finally, she enters the space, seating herself next to him in the co-pilot's chair. Hazel eyes burning into the side of his face, watching his profile. Ben silent pulls them into the air, the turbulence threatening to crash them back into the base as they begin to take flight. Higher and further away, until the engineered atmosphere of Starkiller steals away from them. 

His ship rattles as Ben pushes the limits of the engine. Rey leans forward, punching down on the console. Attempting to ease the strain, keeping the ship from burning out. In the far distance of space, Ben watches as familiar blue streaks flash across the sky. Resistance ships fleeing the oncoming explosion.

First Order ships follow in their lead. Taking flight in far greater numbers, fleeing from the base and the immediate space around them. Few linger in the area, observing the chaos, documenting the fallout.

Ben's limbs shake with his own frustration, the warmth of the ship bringing painful pin needles across his frozen flesh. "Ben." Rey's voice is quiet, indifferent. "Where are you going?"

He doesn't know, he can't think. "Taking you back to the Resistance now won't..." They'd kill her. Without question, and then his own execution would follow. "Getting you away from the First Order is our priority."

"And where exactly am I _going_?" 

Someplace warm, safe. Somewhere that felt like home and hope. "Naboo." Ben decides. "I'll leave you on Naboo." Hot beaches, warm waters, golden buildings. She would be safe.

" _Leave_?"

Ben's mind scrambles, attempting to make sense of his improvised plan. "I need time to fight for your innocence and freedom. The Resistance can be...cruel and stubborn but I _need_ to convince them. You're not our enemy, Snoke is." Ben would kill Snoke himself the moment the opportunity presented itself. He would make the 'Supreme Leader' pay for what he did to Rey. What he did to him.

Rey doesn't say anything, after a short stretch of silence, Ben adds. "I'll come back for you, of course." He doesn't know when, but Ben won't leave her.

"You will?" He can hear the doubt in her voice. Ben longs to set his ship to autopilot among the abandoned battlefield. To finally share himself with another. Ease all of her worries and doubts.

But he still can't look at her. "I'll come back for you." Ben repeats.

No response comes from Rey. The only sounds that shatter the silence belonging to the whines of Ben's ship as he quickly punches in coorderience for Naboo. A sickly red glow begins to wash over the black of space. Warning signs of Starkiller's impending doom. 

Rey silently stands, removing herself from the area. Ben's movements stall as he hears her footsteps grow quieter and quieter. He understands perfectly well the struggle she faces, the conflict she feels raging inside. Having to face the light after the corruption of the dark.

The evil acts she had committed by the puppetry of Snoke. Acts that Ben would have performed had he fallen further into the dark than he protected himself from. He was the only one who understood.

He would give her time, and he would protect her from both the Resistance and the First Order.

Ben punches in the last digit for the pathfinder towards Naboo. Wrapping his hand around the level, readying himself as a notification rings out from his dashboard. Swallowing the lump in his throat as his ship informs him about a launched escape pod.

Stealing herself out into the cold space, his heartstrings follow her descent away from him, until they only exist as an impossibly thin thread. The distance brings Ben physical pain, his body and soul screaming at her absence. _Turn around turn around turn around turn around turn around turn around turn around_ Ben moves to whip his ship around but

Starkiller detonates moments later, drowning space in fire.

\--

He has to return to the Resistance. Rey left, she left.

Ben knows he's going to be punished for abandoning the fight, for turning off his comm. The victory won't matter. His hands tremble as he sets a course for the Rebel Base. His mother will be waiting, his uncle. Ben can already see their disappointed eyes. He knows punishment is awaiting him. They'll think he turned, seduced by the dark.

Ben had spent twenty-four years fighting against the pull of the dark, ignoring the monster of the night. Every sick suggestion, every cruel implication. Decades of suffering and denial. Fighting with every atom in his creation to stay in the light.

He hadn't lasted a week against Rey. She who had been delicately intertwined in his soul. Ben abandoned his cause for her.

And now the consequences awaited him.

\--

His uncle's voice pierces through the static the moment Ben turns his comm on. Irrational panic taking hold of his composure as Luke scolds him.

"Do not land on the Resistance Base."

Tears immediately build in his eyes, choking on air. "I've almost arrived-." Ben wrongly tries to reason. Luke shuts him down with a cruel click of static.

"The soldiers on the ground are under strict orders to shoot down any delayed arrivals. Do. Not. Land."

He can't calm himself, hysterical tears fall from him. Pin needles still running throughout his body. Everything in the ship only fueled his spiral. From the blinding little lights on his dashboard to the high pitched beeps on the console. Ben feels as though his brain is pounding against his skull.

"Dock ship on one of the moons. One with oxygen. I'll repeat myself one last time in case you try another stunt: Do. Not. Land on the Resistance Base."

The silence of the comm rips at his eardrums, pierced only by insufferable beeping. Ben's hands shake as he grips the hair at the base of his skull. Aggressively tempted to rip his hair out in chunks.

This was the end. Flying towards his execution carried out by the hands of his own blood. No one would mourn him. _They never loved you_ a voice whispers. Not belonging to any monster but himself. Rey left him without a second thought.

He was going to die, with only pain and anguish as his legacy.

\--

Ben lands on a small moon that only contained a low natural supply of oxygen within its atmosphere. Dull green plant life, giving just enough oxygen to keep one from dying on the spot. A slow suffocation that would ensure he was tortured before his death.

He watches his transceiver through clouded eyes, the black screen and keyboard mocking him. A quiet part of him hums, a fleeting consideration of sending a farewell message to his parents. A message which would only sit in their inbox, unread. He couldn't even say goodbye.

Ben removes himself, stumbling down a short hallway, lowering the ramp of his ship. Foolishly longing for the torture of oxygen deprivation. Rushing himself towards the dry soil of the moon. Falling to his knees as melancholic energy moves the Force.

Bending reality until once again, Rey is with him.

Arms crossed, slumped down in her invisible seating. Hovering in the air, akin to a depiction of an ancient deity. Light from a rich yellow sun shining upon her, highlighting her features with liquid gold. Her eyes lowered to where he's knelt before her. Hazel eyes alive and burning, flickering up before finding him again. 

She isn't alone. Another person he couldn't say goodbye to. Ben should scream at her for leaving him, but her presence would not change his fate. He had no rage to thrust upon her. Only pathetic longing and unjustified sorrow.

Ben can't even bestow onto her the same amount of respect for her image that she had shown him. He reaches for her, clinging to her as though she were a religious altar. Laying his head upon her lap, trembling as he holds onto her.

Flashes of the previous days flooding his consciousness. Rey smiling, sharing stories, wanting him. Ben was so lonely. He just wanted to be wanted.

He wanted to die pretending he was loved.

And the woman whose life was so intricately entwined with his was the only individual in the cold, cold galaxy who could even entertain the idea of loving him. Rey starts quietly humming, a senseless melody with no rhythm. Lowering her crossed arms until they reach his hair, gently stroking through the dark locks.

She had left him without a second thought. He'd never gotten the chance to atone, to apologize.

Something steals her attention momentarily, Ben feels the slight twist of her body, how the melody slowly died out. Her arms moved lower until they cradled his head in her lap. "What are you looking at?" Rey quietly hisses to an invisible entity.

Ben's arms wrap tighter around Rey, begging her attention to not leave him. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't ever want to be left alone again. Burying his head into her lap, a strangled sob escaping him.

Rey had already left him once, the Force steals her away again and Ben falls to the ground.

\--

Luke lands on the moon sometime later. Quietly making his way towards his nephew, dead leaves softly crunching under his steps. Stopping short of a twenty-foot distance. Ben remains on the ground, his shame and despair rest heavily on his back. Still shaking, grasping for a woman who was no longer there.

"What happened Ben." Luke's voice commands the space. Holding a moral high ground above him, attempting to save his soul without putting in any effort.

Ben's fingers sift in the dirt below him, "I went after Rey." she had left him, but still possessed enough kindness to play with his hair as he wept. Ben knows he could rise, confess to all his secrets and explain his actions,

But part of him finds comfort in his impending death. Only wondering softly if Rey would feel his loss, wherever she was across the galaxy.

"Stand up, Ben."

His uncle's words unknowingly echo Reys. Ben can't stop thinking about her. He doubts he ever will, especially given his circumstances. He braces his hands against the earth, but his limbs shatter. Straining against his own weight, crashing himself back into the ground. Ben attempts to rise again, but his own body betrays him.

"Ben."

He manages to slide his leg up under his body, helping to somewhat steady himself, before his limbs give away again. A strenuous groan ripping through his teeth at the laborious movement. 

"Ben?"

He can't stand. He can't.

"Ben?"

He can't do anything.

Luke begins approaching, stalling after a few steps, pausing for just a moment before rushing to Ben's side. His metallic hand supporting Ben's neck while human flesh strokes his cheek. His voice panicked as Luke's blue eyes burned across his face.

"Ben, can you hear me?" His uncle's Force energy bends around him, cradling him in a small offering of protection. Ben wants to answer, but his voice fails him just as his body did.

When no response comes, Luke removes his cloak, draping it over his body. Using his own strength to lift Ben and bring him onto his own ship.

\--

Ben awakes in medical, blinding fluorescent lights pouring over him. prolonged beeping from service droids and machines that needed to be replaced decades ago. The usually sterile air was clouded in smoke and the sick stench of burnt flesh.

The aftermaths of a heroic battle Ben had seen no part of.

His limbs are heavy as lead, his breathing shallow. He'd been given more pain medication than was needed. Even if he attempted moving, Ben knows his body would not respond.

"You're awake," Her quiet voice whispers. The burden in his chest grows heavier at the very sight of Rey. She reaches for him, trailing her finger from the back of his ear and down his jawline. "I won't apologize for the injury but I'm so happy they've decided to heal you." Rey strokes an odd trail along his cheek. "Even if there's a scar, I'll still claim you."

Her words fail to register with him. Ben leans into her touch as much as his movements allow. There isn't enough contact between them, Ben raises his hand to find her's,

But his movements are locked against the hospital bed. His attention turns, Rey's hand remains. Ben tries his other hand, his legs. Each limb strapped to the bed. His fears in his ship had been warranted. Ben went after Rey and now he was a prisoner to his own faction.

His execution was still a very real probability.

"Ben?" He twitches his head away from her touch, suddenly feeling burned by it. Rey voices no protest as she retreats. No request for his sudden cold attitude.

Heartache builds at the absence of her contact. An abused yearning for glorified poison. Nothing passes between them again until the Force rips them apart, extending a longing Ben no longer wants across his stars.

\--

He doesn't fight against the restraints. Ben knows how easily he could break out of them. The restraints exist as an alarm bell for others. Letting them all know Ben Solo has gone dark side. If Snoke still lingered in his thoughts, he would encourage Ben to carry out such an act,

But he wouldn't. Ben will die with the minuscule pride he still possessed.

\--

General Organa is the first to visit him, Lieutenant Connix following behind her, avoiding eye contact with Ben. His mother's face is grim, sadness filling her eyes at the sight of her hospitalized son; However, Leia Organa is the leader of the Resistance first, and a mother second. Her face hardened before she spoke.

"Any of the droids explain the extent of your injury?" Ben holds the General's gaze, resisting the urge to curl into himself.

 _I won't apologize for the injury but I'm so happy they've decided to heal you_.

"She had an open shot for my face and she took it," Ben explains the situations though the General did not inquire. "Whatever damage was done..." He's rambling, "More of a reconstruction than a life-threatening injury."

There wouldn't have been any blood, just a terrifying burnt wound. 

"Your jaw took most of the damage. We had to reconstruct a part of the bone, and patch the quarter-inch deep wound stretched from your chest to the bridge of your nose. It looks worse than it is. Fortunately." _Even if there's a scar, I'll still claim you_. Ben keeps his mouth shut, not reacting to her news. The General continues, "Care to explain yourself, Solo."

Insufferable formality. Distancing their blood relations. 

But Ben held his mother's eyes in his. The same shade of brown, a perfect match to his, holding love and sorrow with a cruel mixture of anger and disappointment. She wanted the truth from him, she deserved to know, yet after a lifetime of lying, keeping secrets. Ben couldn't tell her. 

So, Ben did what the Organa-Solo family was best at,

\--

He didn't mention how the Force connected them. Didn't mention how he'd plan to hide her away on Naboo. Didn't argue her innocence.

The official statement claims Ben was overtaken by poor judgment and a drive for justice. His hands remained cuffed until Luke observed his _aura_. Conflicted, melancholic, heartbroken, enraged. A mess of heartache, but no indication of an allegiance to the dark side.

As Ben's panic and anxiety calm down, he logically understands that he won't be executed. He's a glorified deserter, one who returned to the front lines. 

Ben's act of abandoning the Rebels didn't hinder their successful attack against the First Order. Starkiller Base still exploded in a glorious starfire. He's no official title to be demoted from, so he's on lockdown in confinement until further notice-or until they decide on a punishment that will appease the higher-ups in the Resistance-. His lightsaber will also be under Luke's care until he's earned the right to wield it again.

A juvenile punishment. Pathetic and embarrassing.

\--

A medical droid advises that Ben stays in the hospital wing for the night. The General and Master Skywalker voice no protest, however, they do crowd together, discussing the situation in a falsified whisper. Deciding if armed soldiers should be positioned outside of the med bay, or if that order would rise cause for alarm. 

They turn their attention to Lieutenant Connix, who solemnly nods when requested to stay and watch Ben for the evening. General Organa and Master Skywalker begin to leave the room with a forced formality as Connix moves to Ben's bedside. Kaydel Ko awkwardly pats the back of his hand once no eyes linger in his direction. Her touch is jarring, an electric shock to his system. 

His wrists are no longer restrained, Ben jerks his hand away from her. Questionably watching Connix as her light brown eyes search his face. Her brows furrow, lips part, but no words leave her. Holding whatever she needed to say at the back of her throat.

Ben looks away, shoulders hunching forward. Connix moves against the wall to stand vigil.

\--

They leave the blinding fluorescent lights shining through the night. His eyelids droop and the slowly fading pain medication leaves his face feeling heavy. Sweat clings his clothing to his skin, sticking to the fabric of the hospital cot. Stale air and burnt flesh continue to suffocate him as time wanders.

Harsh white walls and impossibly white flooring clash with the essence of the room. Demanding light and sterile emotions. Mocking his presence. Overwhelming his senses. A drawing presence emerges, a snap connection springing from the Force.

Knelt on the white tile, the black of her skirt pooling over the floor. A sickly beautiful black hole, assuring his destruction. Sucking him in and demanding his attention.

Yet she doesn't acknowledge him. 

Her fists are clenched at her side, head bowed. Looking very much like a child being scolded. At times her face twitches with a response she can not vocalize. Her hands shake with greater veracity the longer time passes. Something is said, Rey bears her teeth, leaping to stand before her movements are forcefully paralyzed.

Whatever Force holds her squeezes her, a quick, sharp cry emits from her. Rey's tossed haphazardly into the air, crashing back down onto the ground with a horrendous _whack_.

Ben sees where her face is pressed into the floor. A watery cough deep in her chest begins, Rey turns her head and spits blood onto the white tile, a delayed trail of blood slowly falls from the corner of her mouth. Her hazel eyes finally flicker to him. Rey offers him an aggressive smile, one Ben doesn't return.

\--

A small splatter of blood remains when the Force steals her away. Connix informs the General that Ben hadn't once moved from her sight. Even with proof of his innocence, guilt, and suspension linger. When Ben's escorted to his room, they place armed guards outside of his room.

\--

There's a mirror, hidden away amongst his things. He could search it out so that he could access the damage himself, understand how horrific the wound had looked for his uncle to take pity on him. He could also remain in the dark, for as long as the comfort would have him.

His datapad dings periodically, reminding him of unread notifications. Ben tentatively reaches for it, but his movements stop just shy of the object. Tremors have taken over his hands, shaking periodically. He flexes his fists, burying his fingernails into the palm of his fist but the tremors continue.

Ben reels back and pounds his fist into the cement wall, repeating the action when it fails to ease the shaking.

\--

_ben._

_what the fuck were you thinking? what were you trying to prove by abandoning the fight? i tried to get out of the war against the empire more times than i can remember but i had reason to leave. and i never once thought about running away during an assult. i raised you better than this. youre lucky your mother is the general, you got off easy. write back. now._

_dad_.

\--

There are claw marks along her neck, as though she'd been ripping at her own flesh. Her hair is loose, covering most of her face. A breathy laugh leaves her at the sight of him. Rey takes a wobbly step towards him. "You _better_ look attractive with a scar." Her voice gravels.

Ben leaps from where he sits, keeping the distance between them. Holding out his hand as a warning when Rey attempts another step towards him.

Her nose scrunches when she snarls. "Really Ben, you're really going to act like-"

"I'll act however I fucking want." Ben argues, distraught by the venom in his own voice. 

Rey visibly shakes with rage. "You don't get to talk to me like that." She pushes forward a single step. "You aren't allowed to shut me out after what I did for you." 

Ben retreats away from her. "What you _did_ for me!" He gritted his teeth together. "You left me!" Ben attempts to keep his voice low, but cracks on the sentence.

Rey sounds just as desperate and broken as Ben feels. "You were going to abandon me on some fucking planet I've never heard of! Kidnap me from my home." She gestures out into the void. " _Your_ faction destroyed Starkiller. I begged Snoke to inflict whatever punishment he had in store for you on me!"

Absurd concern crumbles Ben's senses. A memory of Rey spitting blood comes to mind, However, his compassion is overpowered with his aggression. "I tried to protect you from that monster!" Ben spits. "You ran straight back to _your home_ and begged him for punishment!" The thought of whatever Snoke had done to Rey makes Ben nauseous, he pushes down rising bile.

"Your head is filled with propaganda and lies!" Rey fights "The Supreme Leader was merciful-"

" _You're_ the one who's been brainwashed. I wanted to save you!" His voice is growing deeper, more unrecognizable. A feral look washes over Rey.

She takes her saber in hand, crimson light bathes the room. "You wanted to _save_ me?" She questions. "Save my soul?"

Ben retreats from her until his back is pressed against the cement wall, still holding his hand out between them. His eyes darting between her duel bladed lightsaber and her pale face. His body suddenly stuck in the memory of their fight on Starkiller, stuck in the memory of how his entire core screamed for him to save her. Ben had been so close to accomplishing that before she ran. Rey would never join the Resistance, 

Not without reason.

"Why is the Force connecting us." He's a fool for even trying again. "What possible reason would the Force have to bridge us if not-"

"Do you think I'm stupid Ben?" Rey questions. "I know the connection that binds us together, but possessed no understanding of the ways it could defy reality." She approaches him, his fingertips gently brush at her neck.

Ben flexes his fingers, heart pounding in his eardrums. "What is the connection?" He questions. "Is it Snoke?"

Rey shakes her head, dark brown hair obstructing her face in light waves. "There's no breaking it, Ben. I will still be tethered to your soul even if you killed me." Through clenched teeth, she tells him. "You're _mine_."

His heart seizes at that, something coils inside him against his will. The loneliness embedded in his skeleton begging her closer, failing rationality squeezing his throat. He was running in circles, chasing after and running away. "You think I belong to you?" Ben questions.

Rey smiles, or rather a shadow of a smile plays at her lips. She takes a final step forward, pressing the palm of his hand flat against her throat, Ben's fingers wrap around her neck in some sick instinct. She leans into his fragile hold, choking herself against it.

"Yes, I do."

\--

_Padawan Solo._

_Some wisdom to think over during your confinement._

_Meditation is a key practice when dealing with struggles against the pull of the Darkside. Since my advice has been of little value to you, I suggest you attune yourself with the Force and call upon Jedi Masters of Old for guidance._

_I respected my sister's wishes twenty years ago when she requested to train you herself. I acknowledge that whatever conflict or affiliation of the Darkside followed has not been present in some time, but the influence lingers._

_Correct it, Ben. Should you choose to follow our family legacy, you need to prove your worth to the Jedi Council._

_Master Skywalker._

\--

_ben._

_bullshit. youre not staying in confinement. you can work janitorial and do physical labor. do you want to prove yourself to the cause? work for it. write back._

_dad._

\--

"You do _not_ give me orders, Hux." Rey spits at the invisible man, pacing around the small room, leaving the boundaries with certain strides, her body passing through the cement walls with ease.

She waves her hands through the air, a mocking laugh preceding her response. "My Knights will slaughter you the moment I give the order. Think _very_ carefully about how you address me."

Whatever Hux tells her strikes a nerve with Rey. Her hands rising to claw at her neck, rip at the three buns holding her hair. Shoulders tense, walking in circles like a caged animal. Whipping her head towards the invisible man. "Circumstances be damned. You do not give me orders."

Her head then tilts to another speaker, an amused huff parts her lips. Rey makes an unflattering face, running her tongue around the inside of her lower lip. Nodding as she offers a thin smile. "Right." Rey starts. "So you and Phasama here can go back to rutting and chasing after defected bucket heads, I'm going to go back to train with _my_ Knights."

She storms out of the area, past cement walls and well out of Ben's line of sight.

\--

_ben._

_write me back, now! do you even understand what you did? how you ruined your name? or is this just some joke to you?_

_dad._

\--

He can't see whatever it is she's smashing. Her feral cries echo against the walls. Repeatedly stomping onto what Ben hopes is a droid. Screaming as she kicks it aside.

Her body shakes with frustration. Her hands rip at her hair as she searches whatever room she exists in. When she fails to find something suitable to smash, Ben watches as she reaches for her lightsaber.

Rey slices and destroys something new. He expects his own environment to react to her attacks, but everything remains untouched by her rampage.

\--

He reaches out to the light side of the Force. Begging for wisdom, for guidance. Searching out Anakin Skywalker first, hoping their blood connection would give the redeemed Jedi Master a motive to answer his prayer.

But only silence follows.

Ben looks to others, older Jedi Knights. Calling upon anyone who could help him make sense of his torment. Help him understand why Snoke had plagued him, why he was bound to Rey.

Silence follows everyone Ben reaches out to.

\--

Once again, Ben finds himself on his knees praying to his grandmother. Padme had seen the light in Darth Vader, she would see the light in him. The young Queen of Naboo, who lead her people with grace and wisdom. Whose plays and songs still echo in Ben's mind. 

But then she had failed to prevent Vader from falling. Her love and ability to see his light hadn't been enough. His maternal grandmother was long dead, even if she were alive she would be powerless to save Ben from the pull of the darkness. 

Padme isn't one with the force. Her body remained in the galaxy after death, rotting until she was nothing more than stardust. She was never going to receive Ben's prayers. She was never going to answer them either. 

\--

One of the soldiers stationed outside his room slides a dried quarter portion of food under his door. When Ben reaches for it he notices that someone had circled writing on the packaging. Whoever had done it wanted him to know that he was about to eat something that had expired thirty-three standard years ago.

A disgusting relic from the Republics war against the Empire.

\--

She's busy still, her upper lip twitches at some comment made by an invisible entity. Rey's arms are tightly crossed against her chest, slouched in her seat. Ben thinks something is said about her posture because Rey lowers herself more, placing her thumb along her lips, loudly chewing on the nail.

Rey _does_ appear to be listening to the speaker, much to Ben's surprise. She's only making a show of being disrespectful. She sighs periodically, watching the speaker, looking for a reaction.

Eventually, she starts bouncing her legs, the fabric of her skirt twisting, exposing more skin.

When Ben fails to avert his eyes, he turns his entire body. Bracing himself against his desk. Staring at a scattering of books, his calligraphy set. Searching for a distraction. His datapad dings with a new notification. 

He needs a better distraction than that.

\--

_Ben._

_Concerns have been raised about the nature of your confinement. Least the reason has been lost on you, I'm writing to inform you that this imprisonment is only temporary. A means to watch your movements. Once the time is correct, you_ will _begin working at rebuilding and establishing trust with the Resistance._

_Suggestions on what you will be expected to do once your confinement ends are already being discussed. I'll have word sent to you once the final decision is made._

_General Leia Organa._

\--

She comes to him in the dead of night. Her presence pulled him out of the light slumber that had claimed him. Ben doesn't acknowledge her, doesn't even open his eyes. He continues laying there, the weight of sleep still heavy on his brain.

Rey lowers herself next to him. He expects her to shake his shoulders, or climb over his frame and lay next to him. She does nothing of the sort. Rey gently raises her hand, hovering it near his face. Allowing him plenty of time to wake and protest her movements. When Ben says nothing, she delicately brushes her fingers through his hair. Combing and smoothing down the dark locks. 

Sometimes her fingers stray, circling around his ear, tracing the outline of his eyebrow. Always returning; running her fingers through his hair repeatedly, like a soothing, silent melody.

He allows her this, because Ben needs it more than she does. Sleep claims him again, the peaceful feeling follows him into his dreams. Waking the moment the Force steals her away.

\--

Ben doesn't know how to proceed. He doesn't know how to coexist with this conflict. Torn between what's right and the desire to be wanted.

\--

_ben._

_maybe i am overreacting, but i have never been more upset with you. you better hope those jedi ghosts give you wisdom because you don't want to even know what i have to say to you. write. back._

_dad._

\--

"Are you ever going to say anything?" She's undoing her hair, scratching at her scalp after each bun falls loose. "Here I thought you wanted to _save_ me."

Ben turns his gaze away from her. Eye's steeling against cold concrete as he sets down the quill of his calligraphy set, blue-black ink stains cover his fingers, the white sleeves of his robes. 

He'd wanted to distract himself, he couldn't get out of his own head long enough to indulge reading, the use of his holo pad only spiked his anxiety with the cruel reminder of unresponded messages. Calligerify always helped him escape into thoughtless action.

But Rey always lingered. "Do you want to be saved?" His question echoes in the room.

Rey snorts. "I've food in my belly and more currency than I could spend in a lifetime. Safer than I've ever been in my life, what do I possibly need to be saved from?"

 _Snoke_. 

"So you've no interest in finding peace?" Ben says instead.

"I am at peace." Rey snaps, her voice is aggressive. Defensive. "If there was any peace to be found in the Light-in the _Resistance_ \- wouldn't it have found you by now?" Ben grips the edges of his desk, the wood creaking at his hold.

His pulse picks up. "Why did you take my hand then?" Ben only pauses for a moment. "Why did you _follow_ me onto my ship! Only to leave-"

"You were planning on leaving me." Rey coldly reminds him. "Only adding a hollow promise to come back as an afterthought."

Ben's body shakes, screaming at him to stand, to face her. Black dots flutter across his vision as he remains seated. "I was taking you somewhere safe. My ancestral _home_. I was going to do whatever I had to so that I could prove your innocence."

"Oh," Rey retorts. "I am not innocent. My actions are my own."

His nails rake against the wood of his desk. "You've no _idea_ what this has cost me."

She falls silent. The only sound in the room is Ben's heart pounding against his chest. "Are they punishing you?" Her voice carries a tone Ben almost mistakes as concern. "Why?" The question is high pitched.

Her feigned compassion kills the rising aggression in Ben. He swallows the last of his rage as lonely melancholy pulls him into a distant embrace. Loosening his hold on his desk, flexing his fingers. 

He won't fall for it. He can't. Not again. 

"You don't care." Ben reminds them both, the words choking him as they leave.

Rey gives no pause. Coming up behind him, ripping the hair at the nape of his neck. Ben's eyes fix on the ceiling as Rey presses her lips against his ear. Her breathing hoarse, ragged, tickling his cheek, his neck. "Don't _ever_ , question my affection for you again." Her husky voice vibrates against his skin. "It doesn't matter how infuriating I find you. Your safety will always be a concern of mine." 

She pushes him forward, his body slamming against the edge of his desk as Rey drops her hold on his hair. She only walks a few steps away from him. She groans in frustration. "I don't even understand why they would even punish you!" Pauses, then says. "Are they feeding-"

Her absence sends a jolt, ringing throughout Ben's body. Reeling from her unexpected departure. Finally rising from his desk, searching for her in an empty room.

\--

_Padawan Solo,_

_Keep up with your meditation. I can sense your conflict from across the base. The Jedi Knights are masters of their emotions, able to overcome their own doubts and irrationality. The Sith and Darkside users are controlled by their emotions, their lust for power and control, as I shouldn't have to remind you._

_Stories about the Sith and their failures have been shared with you since your training began with General Organa. Given the length of those lessons, I will remind you of the morals meant to be taken from them. Each and every Sith who had ever lived, whoever will live, died as a result of their own hubris. Snoke, Rey, and her Knights of Rey will fall._

_Place your faith in the Force. Uncover peace. I perfectly understand the unfortunate legacy that follows our family, I have_ trust _that you won't be seduced._

_Master Skywalker._

\--

She inspired something inside of him. Ben fought to leave alone. An ache in his heart, curling in his stomach. He'd faltered once, touching himself to thoughts of her. Ben had hoped that the release would quench his thirst, allowing him to regain his composure.

His acknowledgment had been akin to a dam breaking, washing over him, drowning him in truth he could no longer ignore. The daydreams lingered, stealing into his thoughts, trapping him in his dreams. Partaking in a desire he should not possess.

Ben wouldn't indulge the urge again. He would beat his own heart into submission to keep his sanity. She was a wine he couldn't sober himself from. He wouldn't fall.

\--

Her panting is like electricity in his veins. Her back faces him, her hands flat against her hips as she steadies her breathing. Ben can see where the sweat gleams against her arms, her legs. The fabric of her training shorts had ridden up, exposing the curve of her cheek. His eyes linger far too long.

"I forget, are you still ignoring me?" Rey inquires. Ben turns away, facing the cold cement wall.

"I'd rather not do this right now." Ben tells her, a strangled huff escaping her. He hears the beginnings of a retort die on her lips. Her breathing stops momentarily, dead silence that causes his ears to burn lingers in the room until she gasps for air. 

He can feel where her eyes burn into his bareback. Her footsteps grow louder as she races towards him. "Your hair's all wet, did-" She runs thin fingers down his back, though his body begs for the contact Ben jumps away from her touch.

"Not now, Rey." She can hear the desperation in his plea, still, her hand lingers. The phantom touch sends shivers coursing through his body. When her hand fails to lower, Ben speaks to the wall before him. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Finally, much to his body's protest, Rey pulls away. She waits a while before answering him. "How's..." Her voice dies down. "Are you healing alright?"

Ben's uncertain if it's the guilt he hears in her question, but decides to punish her with it all the same. Turning to face her, watching as her eyes dilate when she sees him. Her hazel eyes flash around his face, down his neck, across the broad span of his chest.

Rey swallows as she observes the wound she'd left on him. There is guilt in her eyes, subtle, pooling around her waterline. Ben's not proud of the satisfaction that comes with seeing her guilt. Those sad hazel eyes hold his gaze, before dropping to his chest. Rey takes a shallow breath.

She takes her eyes off of him entirely. "I," She begins. "I have something that might help." Rey patters away from him, towards the other side of the room, part of her features disappearing behind concrete.

"I'm no doctor, or anything." She shares. "But I patched myself up on Jakku. Mostly tending to blisters, burns..." Ben watches as she sorts through items. "Didn't have a credit to my name to buy any actual medicine. Had to hunt and scour the desert to find small plants that could offer some comfort, some relief."

Once she finds whatever it is she was searching for, Rey cradles it in her hands, quickly returning to his side. Handing over a small potted eucalyptus plant. She delicately places it in Ben's hand when he reaches for it.

Her eyes remain on the floor. When Ben fails to thank her, she continues speaking. "It's not going to..." Rey breathes. "I can call up a service droid, give you things of actual use since the Resistance doesn't seem to be all too concerned with your well being." She begins walking away again, only a short distance this time.

A black datapad appears in her hands, Ben watches as she types in commands for a service droid. "The droids know better than to keep me waiting, so we should be able to stay connected long enough for them to get here."

Ben swallows. "If the Force allows us that kind of transportation of items. We don't affect the others' physical environment when we're bridged together." Yet the eucalyptus plant remains solid in his hands.

She ignores him. "I can get you portions as well. As many as you'd like."

"I'm not in the First Order, Rey." Ben blandly says, he's no use for her pity, or absurd generosity. Especially when his confinement is partly her fault.

Rey twists her body, just slightly. Hazel eyes holding him. "You could be." Her voice is soft. "Tell me the nature of your punishment, do I need to rescue you?"

These were the moments that tortured him so. The softness of her voice, the kindness in her eyes. He longs for these heartfelt seconds, yearned for them. Romantic daydreams lingering in the distance.

She would have been safe, he would have made sure of it; but she went back to the First Order. To Snoke.

Ben holds the potted plant to his chest. "I'm not the one who needs saving."

Rey smiles, warm yet melancholic. "I beg to differ." She whispers.

His voice won't allow him to respond. Ben solemnly shakes his head, water droplets falling to his shoulders, down his back. Rey watches him, her smile pulling thin as she sucks on her lower lip. Her head turns her attention to the floor. A tremble starts in her hands, her fingers clutching at her holo pad.

Bending it until the screen shatters. 

\--

The connection ends before the droids she called for arrive. Ben's left with only a small eucalyptus plant.

\--

Ben can't think about her caring words or kind eyes. How she asks continues to offer him medicine, food, a home. All the moments he had seen of her as a teenager, on the edge of starvation. Her hands and feet burned and covered in blisters. Offering to _rescue_ him as though she were truly fond of him.

_I hate the cold._

He did. He loathed the cold spot that had followed him the past five years, and she had looked so hurt at his confession. Showing him a sad smile, reaching out to him, offering what he wanted.

_I'll keep you warm._

Ben can't think about her caring words or kind eyes.

_I'll keep you very warm._

So he thinks about her legs. 

\--

He wonders if they'll be as soft as they look, he pictures running his hands up her thighs, along the curve of her backside. Squeezing the flesh there, slipping his hand under the split of her skirt. Ghosting his fingers over the skin he finds, just long enough to make her angry.

He'd hold her close so he could hear every hitch in her panting. A perfect melody ringing in his ears. Arching herself against him as he moves to enter her. 

\--

When he's finished, Ben wipes his come off his hands with a dirty rag. Shame boils inside of him because his body still wants her so soon after release. Horrified by the intensity of how it craves her.

\--

_Ben Solo-Organa._

_I want to start out with an apology, I've not been a great help to the Resistance and its Rebels, this is something I would like to correct. There are only so many available soldiers I have the ability to spare, so I've reached out to General Organa about alternative ways I could be of service._

_The events of the battle of Starkiller have been brought to my attention, as well as the rogue mission you elected to perform instead. My disappointment in the situation lies not with your actions but with the Resistance response to them. Slandering your name when, had you been successful, they would have praised you._

_It's unfortunate that the General and Jedi Master have both seemed to have forgotten the risks they took during the war against the Empire. I have not forgotten my youth, which is why I'm writing to you personally to offer you a position under my command. If the Resistance is truly worried about your liability, then there shouldn't be any objection._

_Take care during this confinement. I look forward to seeing you._

_Lando Calrissian._

\--

_ben._

_like fucking hell youre going to cloud city. if he thinks youre getting out this easy the bastard has another thing coming._

_dad._

\--

_Ben._

_The Resistance has received a generous offer from one, Lando Calrissian. The extent of the offer is not one I need not repeat as I'm sure he's sent private word to you. While the opportunity is generous and holds the potential of a positive outcome, it is as ill-advised as it is impossible._

_Lando Calrissian does not understand the full extent of the situation, he also has no sway in the operations of the Resistance. You will not be permitted clearance to join him in Cloud City. We are still figuring out a proper punishment for your actions. This confinement is meant to serve, in part, as a time for reflection. Use it._

_General Leia Organa._

\--

"If any of the terrible things I've heard about the Resistance is true, then discretion is key." She hands him a rich, leather satchel bag. Carrying a hefty weight as Ben takes it in his hands.

He waits to open it, asking in disbelief. "How many credits did this cost?" The dark leather still held the lingering scent of firewood, the texture smooth against his touch. Leaves and ivy were embroidered along the edges with golden silk.

Rey smiles. "It was the most expensive one I could find!" She boasts. "I even paid extra for them to stitch in your initials." His eyes flicker towards her, watches as she swallows. Dragging her teeth along the swell of her lower lip. "Thought about doing it myself but; you deserve something nice."

His fingers curl around the satchel as he turns it over. Dread filling him when he observes the needlework. "These aren't my initials." Ben carefully informs her, praying to the stars that she won't hunt down whoever she had paid.

"No, I know. But they will be." He turns to her again, she smiles at the confused look he gives her. "They're the initials of your new name." Rey explains. "The one you'll take when you join us."

His breath is caught in his throat, the satchel heavier than before. Hazel eyes hold him steady until he's regained enough composure. "And what name would that be?" He asks. Rey's smile widens, giggles threatening to slip from her.

Her hazel eyes shine as she says "It's romantic really, an homage to the man I killed to gain control of _my_ Knights. Connecting you to me without fully claiming you as property." He _felt_ like her property, how many times had she claimed that herself? 

"Rey, what name?" He asks again. 

"Kylo Ren."

\--

His fingers curl around his length, burying his face into the thin pillow of his cot. Pumping himself as he thinks of her. Imagines her grinding herself into him, guiding his hand to roam her body.

She'd press his hand flat against her stomach as he'd thrust against her ass. Pulling his hand away to rip at her clothing, feeling the smooth skin hiding underneath. Ben would kiss along her neck, breathing in the scent of her. Sweat and eucalyptus.

He'd suck at her throat, leaving as many purple bruises he could manage. Marking her, sharing the mixture of belonging and ownership she felt over him. He says her name. Repeating it, over and over until his abdomen coils. Ben's hips buck, hands shaking as he continues to pump his cock.

His come spills through his fingers, dripping onto his mattress.

\--

_Ben Solo-Organa._

_Unfortunately, it appears that the Resistance has taken issue with my request to have you transferred into my care. Your mother is a force of nature, and though I don't understand the reasoning she and the Rebels had bestowed upon me, I'm required to accept it._

_Given the recent victory of Starkiller's destruction, this war is turning towards the Rebel's favor. In time, the Resistance will loosen it's hold on you. You'll always be welcome in Cloud City, my boy. You, Ben Solo-Organa have your mother's strength and your father's will. Until next time,_

_Lando Calrissian._

\--

_ben._

_do you have any intention to write back or are you just going to keep ignoring me. this isn't going to just go away ben. chewie and i will break down your door ourselves if we have to, your mother cant stop us._

_i raised you better than this. we did everything we could to keep you from becoming spoiled and entitled. write back ben. i expect more from you._

_dad_.

\--

_Padawan Solo._

_I've received clearance for a short trip with you once your confinement has ended. We'll visit Jedi Temples among other locations where the Force and Lightside hold great strength. Be ready, once the time comes._

_Master Skywalker_.

\--

"There _is_ a scar." She whispers. Her hand tentatively raising, hovering next to his face, allowing him time to protest. When Ben says nothing, Rey trails a slim finger down the length of his scar. Raising back up again, moving to lace through his hair. "Makes you look even more handsome."

Ben hopes she can't feel how his face heats at the compliment. He wants to believe her, but he's not blind. All nose and ears. "I don't care about my looks." Ben mumbles.

Her hand wanders across his face, lightly tapping against the freckles and moles that cross her path. Warm hazel eyes hold him. "You're the most attractive man I've ever laid eyes on." Rey tells him. "My Knights and I traveled to one of the Core worlds once, landed on this beautiful planet that was only a scattering of islands and one grand sea. One of the islands held the ruins of an old temple and crumbling statues of ancient gods." She smiles and says, "Not one of them could match your beauty."

His face burns, something warms within his heart. Maintaining eye contact becomes too much, so Ben looks to the floor. Rey continues tapping his freckles, lightly connecting them by a thin trail.

Ben thinks that if either of them could be compared to the ancient, lost gods: It should be Rey. Between the two of them, she was the one who deserved to be worshipped. He would kneel before her, and beg for salvation.

He keeps the compliment to himself. He's not so deprived that he would fall from grace to justify her affection for him.

Rey doesn't mind his silence, her other hand raises to cup his face. Shifting her weight, Rey raises closer to him, but still keeps a distance. Ben doesn't know what to expect, swallowing the lump lodged in his throat. Paralyzed in place, neither strong enough to pull away or make the first move.

Her eyes glimmer, as she says. "I'm so, _happy_ that you're mine, Kylo." The red of her lipstick has smeared along her teeth, resembling blood. "Until the day you die, you're mine."

Ben can't stop the gasp that escapes him. When he blinks, Rey's gone with the Force. His face tickles at the absence of her touch.

\--

She can be just as cruel as everyone else in his life, but she's the only one who wants to see him happy. The only one willing to offer it to him. She wants him safe, with her,

And he wants her so, so terribly.

\--

_ben._

_write back._

_dad_.

\--

He never read the new report the Rebels gained on her. The realization crashes against his frame, threatening to collapse him. Ben reaches for his datapad, ignoring all the unresponded messages that mocked him. Burying the guilt they bore upon him.

Tapping as quickly as he can, clenching his jaw at the long loading time. The buffering icon continues, displaying a transparent red screen when it leaves. _Access Denied_ written across it. The images and text behind the popup blurred. Ben refreshes the page, faced with the same page block when the loading completes.

When the results stay the same when he reloads again, Ben exits the document. Clicking the search engine, typing in her name. Every link Ben attempts to load is locked behind a red screen.

\--

He doesn't stop trying, not until a holo message notification shines across the screen. Only a few lines are displayed in the short textbox. _Ben. I had hoped that your time in confinement would present you the opportunity to overcome this newfound obsession with R-_.

Ben doesn't bother to read the message.

\--

The connection is warm, welcoming. "You said that you were promised me once; what did you mean by that?" He sets down the book he'd finally managed to start reading. Standing to face her.

Her back is bare, freckled. Her hands are held along her thighs, gripping the material of her dress as she steps into it. Rey looks over her shoulder, a sly smirk overtaking her features. "I meant exactly what I said." Waiting a moment before pulling the fabric above her hips, above her waist.

"Did Snoke make that promise?" She slips her arms into the sleeves, fixing the cuffs before reaching behind her back, pulling up the zipper. 

"You'll have to get used to calling him the Supreme Leader," Rey says as she turns around. "The _Supreme Leader_ was the one who promised me you." She smiles. "He told me about a boy, on the other side of the universe, who was the other half of my soul. Supreme Leader promised me a home, with you." 

"The other half of your soul?"

The beginnings of tears reflect in her eyes. "The stardust that made you is the very same stardust that made me. I've never been alone, because I've always had you, a lovely warm presence." Rey pauses, then approaches him. "And I'm _tired_ of waiting for you."

Ben steps towards her as well. "When did Snoke make that promise?" 

She waits, swallowing her tears. "Five years ago."

The other half of her soul. A warm presence in her life.

And Ben was born with half a soul, he had waited ten years for the other half. Felt it's birth. Written the Stardate on his arm every night since, for nineteen years. Cherishing the warmth that half of his soul had brought him until the cold spot washed over him.

When Ben says nothing, Rey adds. "It was the promise that made me join the First Order."

\--

_Ben Solo._

_At the request of General Organa, I've compiled the manner of which you will earn back favor of the members of the Resistance. Serving under my supervision. At the request of an individual that pertains to a rank similar to that of a Superior Officer; we will begin with sanitation, janitorial, and then work our way up to labor. This will begin after your private travel with Master Skywalker._

_Though I did not disclose that matter of a previous indiscretion between us to the General, it is my hope that those indiscretions will not hinder our new found companionship. I must inform you, however, that should issue arise I will have no choice but to inform General Organa about the nature of your infatuation. This should not occur, seeing as you accepted my rejection. I look forward to helping you with your atonement, and humbly await the end of your confinement._

_Lieutenant Kaydel Ko Connix._

\--

He imagines her kissing his face, smearing her lipstick across his skin. Pressing her body against him, quietly laughing as his hands slip down her back to squeeze her rear. She'd tug at his hair whenever he'd pinch her thigh.

Spreading messy kisses, lost in his dark hair. Pecking at his freckles. He'd roll her onto her back, burying his nose in the crook of her neck. Locking one of her legs around his waist, urging his hips to grind against hers. 

He'd rip her dress, exposing her skin, her breasts. Discarding the fabric in a lazy toss, he'd pepper kisses along her collarbone. Leaving lovebites and light red touches of her lipstick that had stained his skin. 

He'd run his tongue over the swell of her breast, and she would arch against him. Taking her nipple in his mouth as his hand palms the other one. The sounds she would make would drive him half-mad. 

She scratches down his back, digging her nails deep enough to draw blood. Crawling at him. Draining him of blood, exposing bone. He wanted that, he wanted that so terribly. His blood would roll along his sides, dripping off of him. Dripping onto her exposed stomach. Rey would gasp and call his name.

" _Kylo_."

\--

The silence is deafening as he cleans his come off himself. He doesn't want to be Kylo Ren. Ben had gotten lost in her fantasy. He liked how she smiled, how she said his name, even if it didn't belong to him.

He would never be Kylo Ren.

\--

_Ben._

_Given that you've not responded to any messages sent to you, I'm in no way expecting a reply from you. Your confinement period is almost up. Be ready for your visit to the Jedi Temples that has been so graciously offered to you._

_Make sure to meditate beforehand, and pack lightly. Your bags will be checked before you leave the base. Your probation period will begin the moment you return under the careful watch of Lieutenant Connix. Out of all my people, I selected her personally. Show her respect, Ben._

_General Leia Organa._

\--

Nineteen years ago, a warm golden embrace had washed over him. Correcting his soul, bringing him a light, a warmth he had never known. Snoke had been there, he'd watch the event transpire. Making comments.

_Interesting_

Snoke had been there.

\--

_Padawan Solo._

_We leave in a few short days. Your lightsaber will not be returned until I believe you are ready. I trust you won't attempt to sway my opinion. Be ready._

_Master Skywalker._

\--

Visions of Rey as a child, cruel parents watching over her. An aggressive father, an indifferent mother. Any love they had for her nothing more than a fragile obligation. Her mother had held her, whispered in her ear. _keep your fucking mouth shut._ Rey had been screaming in her arms. Her mother called out as she left. _I love you, I'll come back for you_. 

She couldn't have loved Rey. It would be too cruel if she did.

Rey, a child who couldn't understand, reached out. Begging them to return to her as she was dragged away. Even at its distance, the explosion of the ship warmed her skin. The sound had made her eardrums ring.

Snoke had been there as well. Watched every moment, he'd taken joy in Rey's suffering.

\--

_ben._

_im on my way._

_dad._

\--

 _I've learned something very interesting about you_ Snoke had told Rey that Ben was the other half of her soul, how could he have known that.

 _I'm getting impatient_ Ben never waivered, he had stayed in the light. He had proved himself time, and time again.

 _She's waiting for you_ Why had she been waiting. How had Snoke found her?

\--

_Ben Solo._

_Attached is a detailed list of how your schedule will look once you return. I will be accompanying you to every location including trips to the 'fresher. My presence will be non-negotiable but I will allow privacy by averting my gaze. These are the punishments of attempted deserters. I trust after this is over, you will not try and abandon the Rebels again._

_If you have issues with the schedule or my supervision, I regret to inform you that the General's mind will not be swayed._

_Lieutenant Kaydel Ko Connix._

\--

She's panting again, Ben considers running his hand along her biceps, feeling the sweat lingering there. He takes a breath to control himself, keeping his hand steady as he hands her a cold water canteen.

Rey smiles at him, sweet and loving. Her fingers brush over his as she takes the water, quickly bringing it to her lips, greedy gulps following. A trail of water washes over her chin, falling down her neck, running between her breasts.

She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand; with the way her head is tilted Ben can see her hair tied up in her iconic three buns. The way she'd always worn them, like her mother.

Rey rolls her neck, stretching her arms. "I'm so _tired_." She whines. Bones lightly cracking as she moves. "You know how sometimes when you work out and you just feel worse! I just," Rey breaths. "I just need to lay down."

She wastes no time with lowering herself to the floor. Pressing her back flat against the cement. Her chest rising and falling with the deep breaths she takes. Ben swallows his urges, beating his baser desires. Rey takes note of his starring.

A coy smile finding her lips. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Her fingers splayed across her abdomen, pulling at the fabric they found. Rey chews on her lower lip.

Rey.

His Rey.

Ben lowers himself, kneeling before her. He can hear her breathing hitch, excitement filling her eyes. There's a slight shake of anticipation in her hands, spreading her legs, just so. He leans forward, placing his hands on either side of her ribs. Hovering over her.

Lovely hazel eyes hold him. Filled with shared longing. Taking a steady breath, Ben presses his ear between her breasts. Keeping his hands firmly in place, careful not to bear too much weight onto her.

"What are you doing?" She asks. Curious, surprised by her own delight in his action.

He swallows, owning the truth. "Listening to your heartbeat." Quick and rhythmic, pounding against her chest. The loveliest sound he had ever heard.

An amused laugh leaves her, Rey wraps her arms around the broad span of his shoulders. "Go on, give it a listen then." She pulls him close, encouraging the dead weight.

So Ben let's go, wrapping himself around the small of her waist. He closes his eyes. Soft sounds of her feet sliding along the floor sings in the air, she presses her thighs into him. Holding him between them. He doesn't want to ask,

But he has too.

"Rey," She only hums as a response, the sound of her heartbeat still pounding against her ribs. "Did Snoke find you because of me?"

She's quiet, trailing her hand up from his spin to curl in his hair. Combining delicate fingers through the dark locks. She answers him with a heartbreaking question. "How else would he have found me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember how last chapter i promised shameless smut? what the fuck happened?
> 
> so like, i promised this chapter way sooner but turns out i'm an emergency worker and my coworker was very scared of corona, so i had to cover her shifts. i did what i could and i TRULY apologize if this chapter is a disappointment. i kept trying to figure something out and nothing was ever good enough. I'm really sorry.


	4. lipstick on your face

She smells like sweat and eucalyptus. 

Dust particles shimmer in the dull lighting of the room, softly floating free. A small voice whispers at the back of his thoughts. Urging him to lose himself in the image, to leave him body and the anguish that weighs him. Lose himself until the only thing in the galaxy was the smell of sweat and eucalyptus, and tiny dust particles.

No such escapes finds Ben. He remains a prisoner to his own body. His own room, a glorified prison cell.

The silk like fabric of her shirt sticks to her damp skin, perfectly contouring the shape of her body. Rey is here, alive, and under him. So cruelly similar to the endless dark desires that had kept him awake at night. 

But Ben doesn't move, he can't; thankfully Rey is more than content to remain in his arms. Keeping her fingers tangled in his dark hair as Ben continues holding onto her. The rise and fall of her chest is rhythmic, steady. Rey's entirely unbothered by his revelation.

Drumming her fingers lightly against his skull. Calming repetition, the action was almost soothing.

Almost.

"There's no need for this despair, Kylo; it's all for the better, really." Rey remarks, attempting to change the direction of their conversation, she adds "I _am_ rather fond of your dark, brooding nature." She presses her thighs more into his sides, adjusts the balance of her hips, "I'm rather fond of many things about you."

She's an exquisite wine, rich and powerful; a force that rushes straight to his head. A magnetic force of a woman that Ben will never escape from. He fights the stab of arousal that builds low in his abdomen, ignoring how Rey attempts to arch herself more against him. Despite the agonizing protest of his body, Ben ignores all desires; because he deserves to drown in his melancholy.

"I lead that demon to you." The confession tears out of him, clouding his vision with tears, shaking his entire body. She had already suffered in cruel, unimaginable ways.

Ben only increased her suffering. Her torment.

A slight twitch finds her hands, sharp fingernails digging into his scalp for only a moment before resuming a newfound aggressive comb through his hair. "I went with him willingly. It was my decision, how many times will I have to reiterate that point before you believe me?"

Ben dismisses her question, refusing to believe her statement. "Snoke was the demon who whispered in my head my _entire_ life." He reminds her. "You were only fourteen, he could have- he _would_ have easily manipulated you. Filled your head with suggestions that you would have thought to be your own."

_Let's think of something happy together. Think about your mother bleeding. Think about how warm her blood would feel in your hands._

Disgusting suggestions that Snoke embedded into Ben's brain. Thoughts he would _never_ escape from.

"I was dying." Rey corrects. "And I am not some mindless child, the Supreme Leader offered me everything I had ever desired, promised them to me so that I would join him."

Visions of the memory blur across his vision. A skeletal hand digging through hot sand when a cold whisper finds her. 

Ben turns his head lightly, pressing his nose into the fabric of her shirt. His voice muffled against the material.

"Rey-"

Rey stops his words there. "I was nothing on Jakku, just property to be ordered around and starved." Shortly pausing, "Never again. I don't need any man's permission nor do I follow any mans fucking orders. No one decides my fate but me."

But there was Snoke, and the hold he could have on a person. How he could linger for _years_ after his absence. An intrusive thought that clings. 

But then Ben knows this argument, knows how stubborn she can be, he can't change her mind. Not like this.

The longer the silence stretches between them, the more relaxed Rey becomes again. Her strokes in his long hair returning to their more gentle, soothing run. A soft sigh leaves her, and her body shifts again. When Ben makes no attempt to reignite their circling argument, Rey quickly resumes her suggestive movements.

Trailing her hand down the center of his back, delicate and slow.

A deep hum vibrates in her chest, she moves her hips to lightly grind against him. Arousal flames inside of Ben anew, an overwhelming yearning urging him to copy her movements, however, due to their position, no friction would offer him any release, any satisfaction.

Not that he thinks he deserves any, but she does. Ben turns his head again, burying his nose between her breasts, breathing in her scent. Sweat and eucalyptus. 

His body answers to her. Alive and waiting. A dyad in the Force, two that are one. They should be allowed so much more than stolen moments and endless arguments.

Suddenly, Ben can no longer recall why he's bothered holding back. She's just as lonely as him, but unlike previous encounters, Rey wants him beyond the loneliness. The other half of his soul, just as cold and cruel as she is kind and caring. She is so warm, and her body fits so perfectly along with his. One of his hands lower of its own volition, trailing down the curve of her back, wrapping around the center of her hips.

Rey rolls against him again, Ben's hold encouraging the motion. A soft laugh is trapped in her throat. "I suppose there are a few things we can decide together, _Kylo_." Breathless as she says his name, he lifts her hips slightly from the ground, grinding her harder against his abdomen. Rey gasps at the action, a sound Ben had gotten drunk off of in daydreams. Rolling her hips with renewed energy, just to hear her gasp again.

Arousal coils in his abdomen, straining along his body. Flashes of countless fantasies Ben had dreamed about her blinding him. Everything he had thought of, everything he wanted. Ben begins pressing dry kisses between her breasts as he continues grinding her into him. Lost in her burning lust, completely prepared to perform anything that she requested of him.

Then a jolt rips through both of them, shockwaves rippling across their flesh. A familiar foreboding, rare and torturous. Paralyzing them both as though they were horny teenagers caught by an authority figure.

They fight against the Force when it attempts to separate them. Ben clings to her small frame, crushing her against him. Rey sinks her nails into his shoulders, ripping open his flesh hidden under the fabric. Both refusing to lose the other until _they_ were ready.

But the Force is not kind, and cares little for them.

Holding the connection open longer than they were allowed to crumbles their strength. Sweat begins to drip from his forehead. She flickers before him, the sensation of her touch slowly fading. Ben grinds his teeth, tightening his hold on her, burying his fingers into her. Rey locks her legs around his waist, her hips rolling against him again.

Whatever string connections them across the stars is stretched too thin, threatening to snap. Both Rey and Ben pour themselves into that thread. Draining all their energy all for the sake of a few extra moments. Their efforts made the bond alive, golden and screaming.

And then she's gone. A spirit vanishing in the night.

The floor is cold and cruel where Ben falls against it. No pain finds him, only a dull ache attempting to wash over him. Rolling to his side, wrapping his arms around himself; holding himself when she can't. Ben's eyes flutter closed as he looks inward, finding the golden thread that would lead to her.

Her phantom touch is there, intertwining their hands, caressing his cheek. Her ray of light washing away all the pain that had been building within him, for decades. Her presence is his salvation. Then there is something beyond her. A dark cloud, an influence.

_Snoke_

Ben withdrawals abruptly from her. Brown eyes snapping open. He _had_ lead Snoke to her. Snoke had taken _everything_ from him, from his youth to the other half of his soul. All in the name in turning Ben's head away from the light.

And he had succeeded.

Ben rises from the ground, straining against the effort; his composure still weakened from his fight against the Force. He takes a ragged breath, slamming a solid fist into the concrete wall; balancing himself. Ben was _sick_ of political war figures ordering him around like an incompetent dog; and he was done with Snoke destroying his life.

He was essentially nothing to them. Everyone he had ever known only cared about his bloodline, the DNA that connected him to his maternal grandfather. Ben was never anything more than a legacy. A dark descendant that needed to be watched, in case Vader's influence proved more effective than Skywalkers. That's all he was allowed to be. They never looked for Solo, Organa, or Amidala. All Ben had ever been was Darth Vader's grandson.

Maybe he didn't deserve a pleasant existence in this galaxy, but Ben was owed better. And he would claim that life, even if it meant losing a nearly thirty year long war.

He has to go to her, he has to let her know that she isn't alone.

\--

Ben doesn't dare indulge the sweet lull of sleep, his mind _screams_ with action and everything he must accomplish,

But his body is weakened, the aftereffects of his pathetic fight against the Force rendering him momentarily useless, 

And Ben collapses onto the ground, the cold impact of the concrete blacking out his conscience until the dark early morning finds him.

\--

He strips out of his _Jedi_ robes. Tossing the earth toned fabric in a haphazard pile, completely discarded and forgotten. The cool air of the room pricks at his skin, raising the flesh, sending shivers down his spine, the sensation only amplified by the chilling white tiles below his feet. Never any escape from the cold.

Turning his attention, Ben steps into the 'fresher.

Low pressure, scalding hot water pours from the water head, thick steam quickly clouding the enclosed area. His skin burns and _screams_ at the liquid lava washing over him; a raw red color spreading over his pale, exposed skin.

He turns, letting the burning water rinse over his scalp, dragging his hands through his hair. Allowing the water more access to him. Ben breathes in the steam through his nose, filling his lungs with it.

Ben presses his hand over the glass door encasing him, wiping away the building steam covering it. He exhales, and continues to wipe away the fog.

\--

He doesn't own much black, despite how at home he feels in the color. His parents discouraged the color, always reminding him about how it was often personified as the color of the Sith. Despite their discouragement, they never outright forbad him from wearing it. 

Ben removed the color from his wardrobe shortly after he learned that Anakin Skywalker also favored it. A stupid, childish decision he had made to distance himself from someone he was never going to escape in their eyes. A man more myth than reality. A man they hadn't ever truly known.

He searches his room, tearing apart his standard Resistance issued dressers in his pursuit. Throwing aside dirty brown robes and dull white tunics with more aggression than was necessary. Not stopping until he finds a stiff pair of black trousers and a long sleeve black sweater. Ben wastes no time in dressing, searching out his boots and belt after.

Ben also makes his way to his desk, reaching for his Naboo coin he keeps safe inside one of his books. Padme's image has been worn down from years of improper preservation, still, Ben's careful as he slips the coin into his pocket. Then he reaches for the satchel Rey had gotten him, quickly dumping out half of all the medical supplies and food portions. Ben knows he should remove everything, but he has to be careful.

Steady hands reach for secured items under his bed, bound in a protective cloth tied to the wired frame. Ben knows every content inside the seade cloth by heart. Birth records, proof of his Alderaan and Naboo linage, his right to the respective Organa and Amidala vaults; His pin from Chandrila; Dice from the Falcon; Two books, gifts from his parents, one on piloting, the other a collection of children's stories.

Ben is nothing if not sentimental, gently placing the bound items into the satchel. A part of him longs to pack his calligraphy set, but given his plan, Ben knows he's better off buying a new one. Once all of this is over. 

He does, however, reach for the eucalyptus plant that Rey had gifted him, carefully placing it inside the satchel.

A weapon would be ideal, but stealing back his lightsaber from his uncle and the imaginary Jedi Council would prove nothing less than a suicide mission. Ben was better off running headfirst into hell with only a blaster.

His father had certainly gotten into more trouble with less at his disposal.

Ben pauses, remembering the last message he had received from Han Solo. _im on my way_. His father would be arriving any moment now with his ship, if he wasn't on the Resistance base already.

The Falcon would be here, a _much_ easier ship for Ben to steal than any of the other rebel ships in the area; and his father would absolutely have more than enough weapons for Ben to choose from.

A notification rings out into the room, stealing away Ben's attention. The screen of his holopad shines brightly against the pale concrete walls. Hesitating long enough for the screen to darken again before reaching for the device. Ben swallows rising anxiety as he clicks his holopad.

As though they were summoned by the Force, three separate messages await his attention:

\--

_Padawan Solo_

_We will be departing today, however, our scheduled time to leave has currently been delayed. Your mother and father have confided in me that you haven't responded to any of the messages sent out to you. This confinement was meant as a way to restore just a_ small _amount of trust between you and the Resistance. By ignoring those trying to help you, you've only hindered your own progress._

_I would say I failed you, but Leia insisted that you train under her instead of me. That's why I've been pushing for this time for us. Having you in a place of light, and away from the lax care of the Resistance will prove beneficial. Together, we will work towards this anger, and correct this avoidant behavior._

_Until then, good luck with Han._

_Master Skywalker._

\--

_Ben Solo._

_There's been a request for your presence, though you are not officially under my care until you return from Jedi training with Master Skywalker, I've been ordered to escort you personally to General Organa and her husband._

_In the future, I will not send out any kind of advanced notice about my pending presence; I'm only doing so today as a result of an additional request for your presence. This meeting in unofficial and will take place before I escort you to the General. Given your avoidant behavior with her, I expect you will remain both discrete and cooperative._

_Lieutenant Kaydel Ko Connix._

\--

_ben._

_chewie and i are here. your mother made us sit through some bullshit meeting about you. she sent some girl off to get you, and i swear on my life ben, if you try to run away i will hunt you down and give you something to be afraid of._

_she wants luke to take you away again. fuck that. im here now and we are going to fix this together. im so tired of her and luke following this cult bullshit. forget about all this jedi bullshit. they can change their minds all they fucking want, were doing this my way now._

_im going to do everything in my power to make this better. to show your mom exactly how she fucked this up._

_dad._

\--

Ben huffs, reels back and slams the holopad against the concrete wall opposite him. Relishing in the shattering sound that follows. A weight lifts from his shoulders as Ben doesn't bother to look at the broken device.

A shadow of a smile finds his face, dark satisfaction, along with cold relief steadily coursing through him. He so _hated_ that holopad; an eternity spent without ever hearing that notification bell wouldn't be long enough, and given his current plan, Ben had an actual, _peaceful_ eternity waiting for him.

He only needed to steal the Falcon without getting caught or having the Resistance blowing the piece of junk out of the sky.

Ben lifts the leather strap of the satchel over his opposite shoulder, finger pads soothing over the endless golden embroidery Rey had commissioned to be stitched in. From the delicate ivy branches to his incorrect initials. 

Kylo Ren. _I'm so happy that you're mine, Kylo._ There's a tremor in the Force, a slight waver.

_Until the day you die, you're mine._ As though the name of Kylo Ren calls her, she comes to him once again. Flooding Ben's senses with her presence, drowning him in the memory of their last connection. 

Ben knows that he should inform Rey about each and every detail of his barely thought over plan; however, given her profound aggression and love of destruction -not to mention the fight that had occurred between them on Starkiller base- Ben quickly decided to keep her in the dark. Only for now,

And for now, Ben watches her.

The sun has begun to rise over the Resistance base, a rose gold beam of light falls into Ben's quarters, washing over Rey, softly warming her features. Ben notices that she's dressed in new attire, clothing completely impractical for a woman in her line of work to be clad in. Skintight, black leather trousers that sit high on her delicate waist. A cropped black velvet shirt, free of sleeves, exposing her very pale arms and every freckle resting there.

As usual, she doesn't acknowledge him for a few moments. Too preoccupied with aggressively rubbing red eyeshadow across her face. The same crimson red that paints her lips.

Ben doesn't possess the patience required in waiting for her attention to find him, he can, however, resist the urge to reach out and touch her long, chestnut colored hair; gentle waves and delicate curls. "Will you be wearing it down?"

He asks that instead of demanding to know where she is.

Her hazel eyes don't bother to leave her invisible mirror to search for him, however, a slight twitch pulls at the edge of her lips, showcasing a smug grin before an elated smile blooms across her face. "Yes, you like it down?" 

Ben only quietly swallows instead of responding, Rey continues speaking. "One of the more insufferable Generals in the First Order has demanded a small, _civility_ gathering."

Ben carefully watches her face. "Which General?" The Resistance knew the names of a great number of First Order Generals, but not all of them.

Rey rolls her eyes, "General Armitage Hux." She says his name as though the words were poisonous, Ben knows little of him. "Little parasite who likes to believe he has more power than he does. He had the audacity to forward a dress code for the evening."

His eyes fall to the small section of exposed skin along her midriff, then lower to the tight leather trousers hugging her form, the perfect, elegant curves following. Ben's eyes flicker back up to her face. "What's the dress code?" Rey snickers, showcasing her best impression of General Hux.

"Conservative, professional, and above all else _proper_." Rey snorts, her nose wrinkling as she does, Ben almost smiles.

Almost.

"This is only his poor attempt at damage control since his own fuck ups have come to light, not to mention the ever growing rift between him and Phasma," Rey tells him.

She rubs the remainder of the eyeshadow sticking to her fingers off on her neck, afterwards Rey tucks her hair behind her ears, continuing "You know he called me a liability to the First Order?" A growl rumbles in the back of her throat. "I'll _show_ him a fucking liability."

Ben watches her face, lovely and forcing an air of indifference. The look she wears, combined with the slope of her nose, the curve of her lip. Ben thinks she resembles her mother, at least the quick glimpses he had observed of the woman.

He keeps the comment to himself. Ben remembers very well the fate that found her mother, he does wonder however, if Rey was entirely aware of that ending.

Snoke would have told her. 

Rey concludes, "Hux knows he doesn't have the immunity I possess, so he's attempting to charm his way back into favor with this stupid _thing_." Her comment lightly piques his interest.

"Your favor, or Snokes?" Ben inquires.

Finally, her gaze meets his; her hazel eyes darker than they should be. "Mine." She confirms. "Suddenly, he's referring to him, Phasma, and myself as a _trio_." A dark laugh escapes her before Rey steps closer to him. "Phasma is at far greater risk than he, and out of the two of them she's the only one I'd risk protecting."

Ben searches his own memory of First Order names and rankings once again, but fails to bring forth any actual knowledge. A shortcoming of his he could likely thank his father for. "Phasma is..."

Rey doesn't answer him, observing his dark attire, a warmer smile finding her. She doesn't bother to show any of the restraint Ben imposes on himself. Reaching out, lightly running her fingers over the fabric of his sweater.

Soft and worn through. He almost expects her to dismiss the quality of the thing,

But she breathes softly, pressing her palm flat against his chest. Delicate fingers somehow trailing the outline of a scar hidden underneath his sweater, quickly falling down, slowly tracing up. Sparks electrifying his skin when her fingers touch his flesh, not stopping until she was cupping his face.

And there it was again; the kindness that Ben could drown in. Stroking her thumb across his cheek, looking at him as though he were the only thing in the galaxy worth caring about; and she herself is too much. Her presence, her compassion, her clothing, her _smell_. Her touch.

Memories of her hips grinding into him.

The effect Rey had over him, how quickly and easily she made him want to lose control. Or maybe Ben had no choice when it came to her, but he had to attempt to maintain whatever control he could. "Rey," 

Another prolonged, stolen moment passes before his question registers with her, her hand dropping from his face. His body mourns the loss of her touch. 

A light pink tongue runs over her lips, closing her eyes as she answers. "Phasma is Captain of the Stormtroopers. She's very tall, and thanks to her and Hux ruining themselves, she's also my only friend." Hazel eyes open, as Rey thinks that claim over. "Or she will be."

Ben sees the flash of doubt and loneliness that hides behind her eyes, and he understands perfectly well, but Phasma doesn't fit into his plan. "And that's something you want?" 

"Yeah," Her answer is quick, but still uncertain. "She's tall, taller than you." Ben stops himself from asking about her exact height. "She's no reason to refuse a promotion to be one of my Knights if I offered her a position."

Ben can't stop himself from questioning that. "What did she and Hux do?"

His inquiry was the wrong move, Rey narrows her eyes, "Mommy didn't tell you about the band of defected bucket heads?"

And there was the cruelty she so easily stabbed him with. Ben buries his blunt fingernails in the palm of his hand, reminding himself about the monster that could whisper into her ear. He knows those words weren't her own.

Still, Ben can't unclench his jaw. "General Organa must not have thought traitorous recruits worth a memo."

"Well, pass along my best wishes or whatever; but just so you and the rebels know: there's no reward for any of their heads, not even FN-2187." She crosses her arms, watching him through her lashes.

This building animosity between them over petty jabs isn't what they needed, Ben readjusts his stance. "General Hugs forcing you and Phasma to reconvene somewhere or is he too cheap to make you leave the ship?"

Rey doesn't take the bait. "Why?" She wears rage and suspicion beautifully.

He needed to know where she was. "I thought you wanted me to join the dark side, why the sudden distrust?" Ben winces at his defensive response. "I haven't told the Resistance anything about you."

"Because mommy would react so well to _Ben Solo_ being part of a dyad with a _monster_." She had such a way of stroking his temper. " _Ben Solo_ is going to tell the Resistance that I'm at a dinner party." She's mocking him now,

But it _wasn't_ her, it was Snoke; and Ben needed to get to her.

He steps closer, her folded arms brushing the fabric of his shirt. Ben keeps his voice low. "Tell me where you are, Rey." More aggressive than he needed to be, "Now."

She matches his energy, arching her stance upwards towards him; her breath tickling his cheek, "Come and find me." 

Her whispering slams into the hard coil low in his abdomen, building the intensity. Ben almost growls as a response. This is where they always find themselves; from kindness, to cruelty, to _this_. Rey takes visible delight in the huff that escapes Ben. Excitement pushing past her rage.

The insufferable smile that finds her lips.

He really was sick of holding back.

Ben offers no gentleness, because Rey wouldn't have offered him any had she made the first move. Roughly clasping a hand around the base of her neck while the other clutches her jaw, Ben crushes his lips against hers. A dull throb pulsing in his teeth at the brutish contact.

He only catches her off guard for a moment, before she burns into him, like divine hellfire. Roughly gripping his dark hair, keeping him in place as she greedily- ruthlessly- kisses him back; engulfing him in the rich taste of her. The roar of the blood in his veins and the pounding of his heartbeat not loud enough to drown out the sounds of her muffled breathing.

Delicate, pathetic, quiet moans that emitted from one of them.

Then she arches against him, and it's not enough; his hands roughly release her face as they race down over the curve of her ass, squeezing the plump flesh there before lifting her off into the air and presses her more into him.

And the _feel_ of her body against his, firm and soft, Ben's jaw falls slack; lips parting as arousal pounds into him. Rey gives no pause at the opportunity presented to her, brusquely running her tongue along the edge of his before pulling back. Sucking his lower lip between hers, and biting down as hard as she could manage.

The sudden taste of copper is an electric shock to Ben's system,

But he does not stager, flicking his tongue past her lips; sharing the bitter metallic taste with her. Rey does moan at that, a filthy moan that destroys him. The sound vibrating within her throat and against his mouth, making his cock throb.

Lightly rolling her hips into him in a way that could make him _scream_ ; using his hold on her ass as leverage, Ben roughly grinds her against him and Rey squirms at that. Caressing her tongue over his and she rubs herself into him. There isn't enough contact between them, Ben realizes, there isn't enough friction.

Losing the sensation of her hot, wet mouth even for a moment is too much, but Ben needs more of her. Dropping her to her feet more harshly than he should have, Ben mummers a light apology against her forehead and his hands work their way up to her waist.

Skimming along the waistband of the tight, leather trousers, attempting to find a more civilized way of removing them before he resorted to ripping them off. 

Rey has other ideas, releasing her grip on his hair to catch his wrist; her breathing tattered. Ben stills his movements as Rey guides his hand up her ribs to palm the swell of her breast. Hazel eyes hold him in their embrace, dark and gleaming.

Ben leans down and claims her lips again, his free hand trailing back behind her waist to hold her hips.

Her own hands are quite content to roam up and down his muscular back, scratching and tugging at his raven hair occasionally.

She is so much more than he had ever imagined. There was never anyone else, there could never be anyone else.

Especially now.

Ben breaks from their kiss, Rey's pants and gasps for air ringing out, the loveliest melody he could ever hear. He aims for her throat, lapping at the spots her bites down on. Making sure to do just enough delicate damage to leave pretty bruises. He'll litter them all across her throat.

Rey worms and wiggles against him, clinging to his large frame. Urging him to continue in the forms of quiet whimpers and moans. Ben licks up the entire length of her neck before nipping at her pulse point below her jaw.

How her heart pounds, perfectly in rhythm with his own.

Even the taste of her skin lingering on his tongue wasn't enough, ragged breaths ripped from Ben as he frantically thought about _everything_ he wanted. His thumb brushes over the velvet texture of her top and Ben knows exactly what comes next.

His hands both move up her back, he starts ripping at the soft fabric when a rapping sound echoes through the room.

All of his blood runs cold when the sound repeats. Rey can't understand why he's stopped touching her.

"Solo," A voice on the other side of the door calls. "This is only a courtesy knock. I have the authority to overlook any and all privacy."

Lieutenant Connix. 

Ben turns his head slowly towards the entrance, dreading every chilling moment that passes.

Rey's hand trails behind his ear and cups his face. "No, no." Arching against him again, peppering kisses across his face. "Please Kylo, don't stop." Sweet and far more gentle than he deserved. "Please-"

His body _whines_ at her absence, the Force ripping them apart once again. His hands grasping the air she once existed in.

The lieutenant voices a final warning. "Solo."

\--

Ben slams his fist against the wall, one of the bones in his knuckles cracking at the contact. He uses the radiating pain to steady himself. Taking a longer moment to watch a thin trail of blood flow between his fingers.

But it was still too soon. She had just been squirming in his arms, grinding herself against him. The taste of her skin was still on his tongue, the smell of her still lingered, destroying him.

It was too soon.

Ben adjusts how his sweater lays over him, attempting to hide the erection Rey had elicited from him.

\--

Kaydel Ko wore her light, blonde hair in a thick braid across the crown of her head, her jaw tight, eyes refusing to fully meet him.

She steps into the space, demands it. Ben retreats from her, as far away as he can manage. Her sun rich skin and golden attire a stark contrast against the dull white walls of his glorified cell room. With the way she holds her head, the exact tilt of her chin. Ben understands why Connix held such favor with General Organa.

Ben has little time to deal with his mother's lapdog, and thankfully Connix wastes none of it. "I sent word an hour in advance. My presence should not have been a surprise, Solo." She's talking to him as though she were a mother scolding a child.

"It wasn't." He's on the verge of losing control, his voice almost betrays that.

A silence follows, Ben knows she's observing their surroundings and he can't imagine what she sees. Thin stains of blood littering the walls from all the times Ben repeatedly pounded his fists into them, his clothes thrown across the area, a shattered holopad lingering in the corner.

Then her eyes fall onto him, still refusing to meet his gaze. Brown eyes _burning_ into him. Ben had completely overlooked- no forgotten- about Lieutenant Connix's impending, everlasting company.

She asks no questions, makes no audible observations; but Ben sees exactly how her eyes continue to flicker between his appearance, the mess surrounding them, to the far too expensive satchel he clung to.

Ben also doesn't miss how she sniffs at the air, and how her nose crinkles at what she smells.

Sweat and Eucalyptus.

Connix is making a very long list of things to report to his mother. He knows it. Ben has to get away from the Resistance. He needs to find the Falcon and race across the stars to Rey. But first. he had to get away from her, _now._

"Are you here to escort me somewhere, Lieutenant." The venom with which he says her title twitches in her brow. He knows she's only performing this unfavorable situation to the best of her ability, but the aggression won't leave.

Kaydel clasps her hands behind her back. "Yes." She confirms. "Since your holopad is in need of repairing, you should know that General Organa and her husband have requested your presence."

Ben can't quell his temper. "I'm. Aware."

She matches his discontentment. The muffled sound of her teeth grinding together precedes her response. "However, a few members of the Resistance have requested an unofficial meeting with you; you can reject the proposal, but we believe this will be," Kaydel sniffs the air again. "Beneficial."

Great, fucking great. Leia Organa's most trusted Lieutenant was willing to go behind her back on the behest of peer pressure. A mutiny waiting to happen.

A small, cool touch of rationality brushes against him. _Unofficial meeting_. She would take him someplace unscheduled when he was still labeled a flight risk. Take a chance on his loyalty when it's been questioned.

Offering him the opportunity to escape.

Ben keeps his voice aggressive, reluctant. "What _Unofficial meeting_?"

Kaydel meets his eyes, holding him with building suspicion. Thin eyebrows narrowing; whatever she finds in his face, she doesn't trust it. Squaring her shoulders back, noticeably enough to purposely catch Ben's attention.

Her head tilts towards the direction of the small window in the corner of the room, then upwards to gage the ceiling, eyeing the air duct above them; until those brown eyes finally return to him.

Ben _barely_ resists the urge to laugh. If she truly expected him to use either as an option for escape- even if Ben were small enough to, he would have done so by now. Both are untouched, the thick layer of dust resting over them proving his innocence to her absurd, unspoken speculation.

She keeps them in their unassuming standoff for only a few moments longer, before calling. "He's ready, Poe."

The beginnings of a migraine already pounds behind his left eye. His anger flaring back up as Poe Dameron waltzes into the space wearing his usual, cocky grin. An amused breath of air leaves the man as he looks Ben up and down. A light shake of disbelief moves Dameron's head.

"Quarenteen's been good to you." He jokes, Ben's mouth tightens into a thin line; barely resisting the urge to try both his luck in a fight against the captain and the lieutenant.

He should have _fucking_ known that Connix wouldn't have given him any opening.

"I have somewhere to be." Fixing his eyes on the shorter man, not yet daring to step forward.

Poe waves his hand. "No, I can see that you're," He gestures at Ben's face. "Busy; but this will only take a moment."

The taste of copper is still fresh in his mouth, Ben rolls his tongue over the bite mark on the inside of his lip; bringing the back of his hand up to wipe away any blood remaining. Whatever his hand finds sticks to his pale skin, but it's the wrong shade of red.

It's her lipstick, smeared across his face.

Ben looks to Connix, the sour look on her face. He couldn't even begin to imagine the look on the General's face when her Lieutenant informs the woman about this. Endless notification bells ring and echo in Ben's mind. A humiliating reprimand.

He vaguely wonders how Leia Organa would start her formal holomessage. A variety of different drafts come to mind. 

But Ben doesn't allow the momentary distraction to expand longer than needed. He had to _fucking_ leave. "You allowed me the right to reject this meeting," Dark eyes flicker to Dameron, "Now get out."

Poe makes a face at that. "No, trust me Solo." He takes a bold step towards him. "You're going to want to hear this."

Ben towers over him, "I'm not interested." He bares his teeth, but Ben knows the sight of him wouldn't be threatening. Slightly crooked teeth, a constellation of beauty marks, and lipstick marking his skin from light kisses. His only hope was his aggression, it was all he had.

"Listen to me." Dameron insists. "There's a friend of mine who- it would be in your best interest to meet up with him." Standing his ground against Ben. "His name's Finn, he and a handful of others recently escaped from the First Order."

Finn.

FN-2187.

Ben's lips part, ready with his retort until Connix interrupts him. "He's witnessed her rage first hand. Given that your injury and stay in solitary confinement has done little to quell your interest, we're hoping that Finn could talk some sense into you."

_Her_. They don't even bother to say her name.

Ben doesn't back away, his fury guiding him. "I'm _very_ busy and have much more pressing matters to deal with than to listen to some new age clone trooper ramble on about Rey when they know _nothing_ about her."

"Oh, and you do?" The man criticizes.

"More than some bucket head."

Poe becomes defensive, "Watch it." He spits at him. "Finn's a good man, and deserves respect." Whatever anger finds Dameron only feeds into Ben's. 

Trembling at the dark impulses begging to be released. "I'm busy." Ben growls, the air becoming electric with the building Force energy.

"Watch yourself, Solo." Lieutenant Connix cautions.

Poe's too close, his nose almost ghosting a touch over Ben's. Just as influenced and subject to the dark sides growing presence. Flowing between them, clouding all senses. "Maybe you don't give a shit about this war, but we have gone out of our way to try and help you; because the General's son _should_ be someone worth their salt."

That boiling rage is threatening to spill. "Don't bring Organa into this." Ben warns, 

Poe gives a dark chuckle, "Sorry _Prince Charming_ , but a deserter like you deserves to be shot," He challenges. "But because of your bloodline and force-sensitivity, we're all expected to look aside while the General gives you special treatment."

His skin burns. "Shut. Up."

Lieutenant Connix is no longer free of the dark sides pull, placing her hand over where her blaster is strapped to her thigh. "Gentlemen that is _enough_." Her voice shakes despite its strength.

The last bit of remaining rationality is trickling out of him and Poe. "What," He questions. "What's little _Vader_ going to-"

Dark Force energy pulsates through Ben's chest, the forward momentum akin to a dam bursting. Cracking the concrete surrounding him, sending both Connix and Poe flying, their bodies cracking against cement walls.

\--

Ben's paralyzed by the action. His body refusing to cooperate, refusing to allow him any movement. No oxygen finds him, no blood flows in his veins; his entire body slowly transforming into a stone statue.

Just as still as Kaydel Ko Connix and Poe Dameron.

All the aggression and rage that had possessed him fled his body as Ben begged the galaxy to be wrong, for his paranoia to be just that: paranoia. He had curled the Force around him, protecting himself from all sensations outside of his own existence.

Just himself and the thread that connects him to Rey. Ben extends his mental touch for her, pleading for a reminder. Anything.

Her essence responds to him, a warm caress among the cold draft that existed around her. A golden wave that wraps around him, a kind, caring embrace. Even with the absence of her presence, Rey is with him, holding onto him from the other edge of the galaxy. Across the stars, waiting for him. Promised to her, 

But she's busy, and still a slave to the will of a mad mad. Her attention turns and she pulls away, her warmth and nature lingering with him in the Force,

And somehow, that short amount of contact is enough.

Ben opens himself back up to the Force energy in the room, flinching at the dark energy that continues to linger; but beyond that thick, stale taste in the air, there were two dull, flickers of light. Flickers of life.

A strangled breath leaves him, Ben sways in his stance. He wasn't leaving home a murderer. He at least had that much to say about himself; but he still had to leave.

Now.

Lieutenant Connix is smaller where she lays amongst the rubble of the room, he stumbles towards her. Ben's careful as he turns her unconscious body over; reaching for the small blaster that was holstered on the outside of her thigh.

Fully charged, ready for action. Ben quickly stands, making sure the safety was still on before he secures the weapon in the waistband of his trousers. Giving Connix a glance over before bending back down and removing her security badge.

That should make his way towards the shuttle dock somewhat easier. Ben also takes a moment to assess the damage done to Dameron. Unconscious with a small trickle of blood falling from his nose.

But he was alive, very thankfully alive.

Over a decade worth of grievance and disagreements aside, Ben never _actually_ wanted the man dead. His envy of Dameron had never run deep enough for Ben to want blood- he does, however, reach for the worn blaster strapped in his holster; stealing the weapon away, securing it just as well.

Ben then moves to stand next to his exit, pressing his palm into the metal frame; extending his reach with the Force. The soldiers that had been tasked with guarding his cell had been dismissed by Lieutenant Connix. Ben reaches further, expecting to find Dameron's droid or FN-2187- Finn; but he finds no one.

The hallway is empty, the great escape was in fruition. Ben shows no hesitation, no reservations as he pries open the iron door; sprinting down the hallway, taking the first left,

Making haste towards the docking bay, carried by the sound of pounding feet.

\--

Ben supposes that there is a touch of kindness for him left in the galaxy. A small glimmer of compassion as he travels from empty hallways to empty common rooms. The sparse, scattered individuals Ben finds remain at the very edges of his vision.

No alarms sound, no one chases him. The only witness to his whereabouts were the various holocams mounted high on the Resistance walls. He leaves them be, even if Ben had the blaster charge to spare, the sound would only draw attention.

Besides, the security footage was the least of his worries. They could serve as a cruel parting gift, in a sad way.

The thought doesn't dwell with him. Ben continued his chase, closer and closer until the large, green shuttle bay sign greeted him. Here, Ben does catch the attention of some lower ranking Rebels; none of who approach him, only sparing confused, uncertain glances before turning to whisper and gossip.

Ben pushes past them, walking to the center of the dock, until he sees her. The Falcon, resting deep inside, off in a far corner with the rest of the garbage.

\--

Only a year and a half have passed since Ben Solo last climbed the ramp of the Millennium Falcon, but he's completely unprepared for the wave of nostalgia that crashes against him. Old memories, painful and pleasant drowning him in the moment.

Stalking down the familiar corridor, keeping his eyes fixed straight ahead- he liked to draw on the wall panels as a child, Han never bothered to paint over them; even encouraging him on occasion. Teasing Leia endlessly with, _"If my son can't be a pilot like me, then he'll be an artist. Anything that doesn't involve laser swords."_

Leia’s husky laugh that followed, _”If our son is anything like you, I’ll go grey before I’m ready.”_

Ben can't look at ancient artwork.

He seats himself in his father's chair, and wishes it didn't smell like him. Disgusting oil and grease, with the harsh addition of rich cologne and aftershave. Crushing nostalgia, the feeling of an old home,

And he had a new one waiting for him.

Flying the Falcon came easily and naturally to Ben, however, with each passing year the beloved ship continued to fall apart. The rattling and whine of the engine fills Ben with unease, and the thin sheet of smoke that begins to fill the cockpit does nothing to calm him.

Ben flips switches and pulls levers, anything to help ease the strain. His effort is prosperous- in a generous sense, the squealing from the dashboard lessens and the roar from the rutters increases. To his surprise, as the Falcon lifts from the ground the comm system blinks.

The static and words are almost unintelligible. "Mr. Organa, the General has requested notice before any departures on the-'' Ben taps the box off. Quickly steering the Falcon over the Resistance ships, and off into the light pink sky.

Still, no siren blares, and Ben accelerates the Falcon out of the atmosphere. Flying past soft gray clouds, the entire ship _trembling_ , vibrating to a dangerous degree before the effects of the planet's gravitational pull release them.

An escape so flawless Ben knows a part of his father would be proud, despite the circumstances.

\--

The view of the stars offered by the galaxy just standard miles away from a planet was always breathtaking. When the glow of the sun reflected off the water system, golden light lingering at the edges of everything.

Infinite directions and possibilities awaiting him. Countless stars, planets, Imperial ships, and First Order outposts. Rey could reside on any of them, he could spend an eternity searching for her. Traversing to every corner of the galaxy.

_Come and find me._ He would, anywhere she went, Ben would follow. 

Much of his hope still remained in a quiet cottage on Naboo, one with a view of one of the many oceans. No matter what they decided, they would have to make way to Naboo immediately. Gather as much as they could from the Amdiala vaults before he was officially removed from the family.

They'd take just enough to buy another ship, stealing the Falcon _permanently_ didn't sit right with Ben. Too many memories on this ship.

Returning to the moment, Ben's eyes flutter close, reaching within, finding that golden thread and following it across the stars; where she's waiting for him.

There's everything and more that's needed to be said, but a barrier in the Force prevents him. Ben calls for her physical presence, but the bond keeps them separated. A slight mourning flows from Rey's end, her loneliness seeping through. She longs to see him just as so.

With no words to use at his disposal, Ben shares his _need_. The yearning that threatened to kill him if he spent another moment, not by her side. Requesting anything that could lead him to her, anything to keep him from being lost.

The bond is warm, welcoming. Rey signature twirls around their thread before she sends the bread crumbs his way. A thin trail, a dull pulse.

It's her heartbeat, Ben realizes. Quietly beating, leading him home.

He holds onto the feeling, steering the Falcon in the trail she directions him to. Guiding him across existence. When it's faced before him, shaking hands- overtaken by pinning and anticipation- send him into lightspeed.

Stars transforming into long blue streaks, jolting him back into his seat. Her heartbeat grows louder with each passing moment.

\--

The navigator shines the information of his whereabouts in flickering basic when the Falcon leaves hyperdrive. Deep within the core worlds, Ben rereads the information, ignoring how heavy his tongue becomes. He's flown through this star sector before, but never this particular system.

Han always flies the long way around, just to avoid it.

Ben's eyes wander towards the nearby solar sun, hates himself for the disappointment he finds in the color. Far more orange than he had wanted it to be. 

Rey's heartbeat thrums in the air, loud and excited, she can feel him drawing nearer. Ben wraps the thread tighter around his heart, relishing in the soothing ache it brings him. accelerating the Falcon forward.

Steering far closer than he should towards the asteroid field, dodging fleeting rocks along the edges as Ben does his best to commit the constellations to memory.

\--

Avirandel is an ugly, barren planet, formed from jagged rock and a _heavy_ gravitational pull. Unbreathable air, and a severe lack of any valuable resources; the planet offered nothing.

Which is why the shimmery lights from the planet set Ben on edge.

Few Imperial ships lingered in the far distance, watching over Avirandel; TIE fighters soared and circled the planet and its moon, scouting and ready to defend the space. Their radar systems have yet to locate Ben and the Falcon, still he kills the lights and shuts off the engine.

Rey knows that he's close, the magnetic pull that Ben feels calling him to Avirandel _has_ to be flowing through and begging her to go to space. A sweet sirens call bidding them closer,

That and the bond tells Ben that Rey's getting impatient.

There's no communication, no way to bend the Force to their will for a connection to open. Ben isn't foolish enough to turn his comm on and send a status report; Rey isn't kind enough to inform anyone of his arrival, and his ship is too large to fly undercover. The Falcon would be shot down by Stormtroopers before he got close to the planet.

The perfect, alternative option was waiting for him below deck. A very cramped and uncomfortable alternative. Once he leaves, Ben doubts he'll ever return to the ship. He hopes Han finds it, somehow.

Now there's also the added trouble of stealing a ship from the First Order once he gets Rey.

Ben grinds his jaw as he removes himself from the pilot's seat, sliding down the ladder, and stalking over to the escape bay. A short row of pods are lined along the floor, each one filled with junk. Last ditch storage space for when his dad was too lazy to clean the ship.

Once the hatch at the end of the line is cleared out, Ben squeezes himself inside. Rolling his shoulders forward, bending his knees, and bending his neck at a horrific angle. It's as though he had shoved himself inside of a child's coffin,

And his metallic coffin _rattles_ as it disembarks from the falcon, shooting him into the cold vacuum of space. Guiding him towards Avirandel, leading him to Rey.

\--

Given the velocity and speed of his escape pod, Ben prepares himself for a terrible, life ending crash. Fire burns along with the outside metal, heating the inside and cooking him. Beads of sweat pour off of him.

The sound of her heartbeat grows into a crescendo, before abruptly ending.

A First Order beam locks into him. Jolting the shuttle, extinguishing the flames. They hold him there, levitating about a mile away from the ground for upwards of several minutes; until _finally_ pulling him in.

Ben misses the sound of her heartbeat, the comfort it brought; but now his heart pounds against his ribs loud enough for the entire planet to hear.

\--

Steam clouds around his shuttle when it finally lands, obstructing everything from his sight with thick white smoke; but he knows she's here. The bond sings at the close proximity, a golden glow washing over him, caring and loving; healing him.

The fog begins to clear, so, so slowly; and then she's there. Smiling ear to ear. Ben's breath catches in his throat at the sight of her. The glow of her skin, the glimmer in her eyes, the perfect curve of her smile. The black velvet of her top, the texture he can still feel against his hands. Ben doesn't think he'll ever be able to look away,

But Rey certainly can, turning her attention just next to herself. Ben attempts to follow her line of sight, hoping to discover something that will mend the pain of stolen acknowledgment. That's when he notices the polite army of Stormtroopers gathered around them. They nod at whatever directions she had ordered of them, a small group turn to approach Ben's shuttle. His stomach hardens as they do.

Three troopers rip open the craft, four of them drag him out, forcing Ben onto his knees. Light rages courses through him, but Ben doesn't fight against any of them. The soldiers behind Rey aim their weapons at him.

She never stops smiling, her hazel eyes glowing. Soft giggles leave her, clapping her hands together, hovering them in front of her mouth. Shaking her head with joyous disbelief.

The disbelief that finds him only tastes bitter to Ben.

The sounds of her heels loudly click against the tile as she approaches him. Rey drops before him on one bended knee. Roughly gripping his jaw, nails digging into his cheeks. Ben searches her face, looking for the smallest amount of kindness to ward off any doubt.

Rey leans forward, pressing a hard kiss onto his lips, pulling away just as soon as they had found him. Rising off the ground, standing tall and proud where he's knelt before her. "On your feet." She whispers her command.

It's not Ben who complies to her will, but rather the Stormtroopers who roughly grasp the back of his sweater; dragging Ben up onto his feet. Rey advances as he's manhandled by her soldiers, slipping her hands underneath, skimming along the edge of his waistband, her delicate fingers brushing his skin.

She tosses aside each blaster as she individually finds him, still running her hands around him after the weapons are gone. The way her eyes flicker from him then back to her hands tells Ben that she's toying with him, and it's _working_ ; despite the armed audience, his body heats and hardens.

Rey continues smiling as her hands' retreat, clasping them together in front of her, as she feigns a moment of thought. Acting as though Ben's arrival were an actual surprise.

Finally, she orders. "Lower your weapons-"

"Cuff him first." A woman's voice cuts in.

Ben looks over Rey's shoulder, searching for the owner of the voice as Stormtroopers force his arms together in restraints. Rey turns towards the speaker as well, his expression is hidden but her resentment screams through the bond.

An impossibly tall woman glides into the room. Golden blond hair brushed back into a neat, military standard bun; whereas her outfit placed her far away from the ranks of any First Order title. Wearing a similar, black leather trousers as Rey had on. She wore a suit jacket as well, a deep burgundy color; her bare skin visible in the vee cut, save for a sheer black bra peeking through.

Ben knows exactly who the woman is without introduction, he finds it almost funny how she had reacted to General Hux's dress code just as Rey had. She _is_ taller than him, he wishes that didn't hurt his ego.

"Hello there," Rey bitterly greets, raising her hand in a presentation. "This is-"

"Kylo Ren." She cuts; now standing next to them both. "As you said before." Icy blue eyes watching him as though he were a dangerous animal, one that needed to be put down.

Rey calls upon both their respective attention. "Kylo, _this_ is Phasma, my best friend." Ben expects a cringe to fall from the blonde woman, but her face remains neutral. 

"I'm honored that you consider me as such." Accepting Rey's claim, "You are too kind." She adds.

Rey rocks on her heels, "I'm your best friend, aren't I?" Her tone is more challenging, than curious.

The mask that holds Phasma's face is impressive, even her eyes give nothing away as a polite smile finds her. "You are my only friend in the galaxy." 

Rey seems satisfied enough with the other woman's answer. "Phasma," She draws out her name. "I don't see why there's any need for handcuffs."

Phasma looks calmly down at Rey. "I observed the blasters you plucked from him. Caution is necessary, especially given his newfound allegiance." The taller woman turns to her men. “Confiscate the satchel as well.”

The soldier behind him brutishly rips the bag away, the strap breaking from the pressure. The Stormtroopers dump the contents onto the ground. Phasma watches as Rey pays no mind.

"Hmmm," Rey hums, "Can you blame a man wanting a means of defense, given the war." She reasons as though she hadn't been the one to confiscate his weapons.

A thin smile tugs at Phasma's lips. "I'm only thinking about the safety of our people; I assure you that you'll be able to remove the cuffs," Her eyes flicker to Ben. "In the _privacy_ of your quarters." She tilts her head back to Rey, "Or not." She decides to add.

Her dry quip earns a small snicker- or cackle from Rey, who's still willing to argue her point beyond jokes. "Kylo won't be any trouble."

"I believe that the Supreme Leader would want to be the one to make the decision." A cold flush hits Ben at the thought of being subject to that creature again. “Given the circumstances, he’ll want a face to face gathering.” Phasma catches the panic in his eyes. “ _What_ an honor. One that will have to wait for morning.”

Rey considers Phasma's point, turning to look at Ben. Her smile is less, but still very much present. "We have that _dinner_." She whines.

Phasma nods, "Armitage is waiting." She reminds her.

Rey brings one of her hands up to her mouth, chewing on the nail. "How will he eat?" She questions.

"It will be a challenge, certainly." Her tone was as indifferent as her response.

Rey whines again, her smile finally dropping in exchange for a pout. Her eye never reaches his, instead, she watches his face, trailing up and down his form. A delicate hand reaching out for him, his ribs turning touch at her close proximity. She gently pinched the fabric of his sweater. Wondering lower until her nail taps against his restraints.

Hazel eyes finally reaching him, he can't disconcert their intentions. Slowly, Rey moves to stand next to Kylo, placing her hand low on his back.

"We mustn't keep Hux waiting." She tells Phasma, placing greater pressure where her hand holds him, urging him to start walking.

Stormtroopers parted a path for them. Phasma waits until they've moved well beyond her before she falls in line behind them. Her shadow looming over him and her blue eyes burn into Ben's back as the entryway opens for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, i'd like to apologize for this chapter. i had this idea of where the story could go and i took a risk, so i'm incredbily sorry if this chapter is a let down. also like i SWEAR there will be actual smut in the next chapter. ALSO I can see two directions that the fic could take with either ben staying in the light OR kylo ren embracing the dark; so yeah i need to think that over very carefully.
> 
> i hope this was worth the wait, thank you all so much for reading.


	5. cut me into pieces

He had traversed the galaxy with only his personal desire.

To rescue Rey, prevent Snoke from _ever_ whispering in her ear again, and protect her. Perhaps he would try Naboo again, or a planet with more green.

He would do whatever she requested of him. Ben would protect her in every way he had failed too in the past.

But the large corridor they descended down washes their skin in freezing air. Crisp, silent, threatening. A false attempt at normalcy that doesn't exist in any galaxy.

Like walking through an unopened tomb.

\--

Ben's lips drawl into a fine line, swallowing every word that begged for release. Rey still held onto him, one of her fingers drew careful circles into the sleeve of his sweater. She's close, close enough that her steady breathing keeps Ben from falling through the center of the planet.

He times his breathing with Reys, desperately drowning in the comfort of their connection, their _bond_ swirling around them in a peace they had been yearning for. Her warmth seeks him out, seeping into his clothes to caress his skin. She's so close,

and not close enough.

Ben hasn't heard her heartbeat since he landed.

He needs to talk to her, and everything that followed. Confess his planned devotion onto her, mouth them into her skin, her lips. Rey walked right beside Ben did little to satisfy his longing. His body still begged, yearned, and _craved_ her.

Vocalizing himself was an impossibility. Phasma and her Stormtroopers march behind them; all armed and watching him. A dark impulse flickers and _calls_ Ben. 

He could break his restraints even without assistance from the Force. Charge the closest Stormtrooper, crack their neck before acquiring their blaster.

The urge rips at his rationality. Searching for fleeting clarity.

But their bond was still present. The Force swirled around them, a golden glow that soothed a calming caress along his temples. Rey was here, her signature in the Force holding onto his spirit as she held onto his physical body.

He _had_ to find some way of communicating with her,

And if the Force was willing to bend reality for them to face each other, for them to reach out and hold each other as though their projections where solid flesh; there was no reason Ben _wouldn't_ be able to reach Rey telepathically.

Ben's eyes flutter shut, building a lone request, solidifying each word before seeking out that golden strand that lingers between them, attaching his message to that string, and sending it to Rey.

 _Rey, we need to get out of here._

From her profile, Ben watches her eyes widen, blinking twice. There's a slight hitch in her breathing and he _knows_ that she's heard his voice, clear as day, in her head.

Ben can not wait for Rey's response nor does he possess the restraint to keep himself from intruding upon her mind. Everything he longed to say was being shoved into her all at once. Barely attempting to send a single coherent sentence.

_I've left the Resistance-_

Rey cringes, wincing in pain. Ben feels the equivalent of a metal gate slamming ontop of his fingers. Reeling away from her head by the sheer shock of being shut out.

Irregular palpitations shake his heart, seizing and straining. Ben waits and lingers at the very edge of her mental shield, not daring to press himself against it. 

They attempt to remain neutral as they continue down the hall; though the urgency in his aura remains, as Ben senses the slight reluctance in the small opening she gives him. 

Ben finds restraint, holding back as he searches for what to communicate. He doesn't know how much longer it will be until they've arrived to Armitage Hux, and he suscepts it will take a great deal of time before they'll be able to converse telepathically with any sort of ease

So he settles on a new request, carefully crafting every word and gently guiding them to her.

_We need to be alone together._

Ben knows he's not mistaken by her hazel eyes dilating, Rey's fingers curl around his biceps with a sense of muffled surprise. A light smile lifts the edges of her lips, kind and soft. The bond between them opens, ascends.

She's cultivating a response for him.

Ben watches Rey's face, waiting for her with his heart lodged in his throat. He devours the sight of her. The dusted freckles across the bridge of her nose and under her eyes, the dimple at the center of her cheek, the rising red tint on her cheekbones. Hazel eyes with golden flecks.

Rey's eyelashes flutter close, Ben feels how her message _burns_ the air around them. The anticipation shakes his hands, the rattling of his metal handcuffs defines the silent area. 

When her response arrives, Ben's knees nearly give out, the blood inside of him _screams_. A sound akin to a dying animal whines deep in his throat. Rey hadn't sent him a message, but rather a vision.

One of Rey laying on her back,

and his face buried between her thighs.

His want for her had lingered and flared inside of his body ever since the Force connected them for the very first time a fortnight prior; but now that want might be the very thing that kills Ben.

Clenching his jaw, digging his nails into the palms of his hands. His arousal was surrounded by rage and embarrassment.

There are too many people around them;

Nothing in the galaxy could prevent him from performing the vision she had shared.

But there were still too many people around them.

Rey only dons a coy smile as she floods Ben with more images, of places on her body where she wants to feel him kiss. Ben sucks in hair through his teeth, her visions rattle him to his core. His body quickly turning into stone by a woman who's legacy in the galaxy was more myth than reality.

His stumbling causes the guards behind them to momentarily walk out of sync, breaking the moment, crashing Ben back into the cold base on a barren planet.

He blocks out Rey; as much as it pains his heart.

His hands are still bound and he's certain that Rey doesn't actually hold Phasma's loyalty. He wasn't safe, not at the moment. Though Rey taunted him, Ben knew that she wouldn't let any harm befall onto him.

But watching her fantasies play out in his own mind when he could not perform or act upon them was akin to torture.

His situation was impossible. He had to shut her out.

Yet Ben could still feel her, as though Rey were trailing her fingers along the ridges of his brain. Rey was still smiling, everything about her drowning him.

Until she slowly retreated, and Ben spent all of his focus onto another subject; in the sole name of protecting his sanity.

\--

Seldom does an individual witness one of the myrid of universal truths in intergalactic travel and alien settlements become unraveled or disproved. 

While the First Order constructing a series of bases -with intricate connecting tunnel systems- on a planet like Avirandel wouldn't be _impossible_ , it was a foolish endeavor that no leader of any faction would risk.

The gravitational pull of Avirandel was crushing. The physical pressure of entering the planet, _existing_ on the planet would be suffocating. Blood should be pouring from his ears, from his nostrils. The base should have crumbled above them, ripping open to the mercy of Avirandel's atmosphere. Stealing their oxygen, leaving them for dead among the debris;

Yet Ben remained upright, hands cuffed in front of him and Rey beside him, her arm wound around his. His body at ease, with a quaint army of Stormtroopers walking in sync behind him. 

The entire structure serves as an anomaly. General Organa possessed a plethora of supporters and spies that often found themselves in company with members of the First Order, while the information provided rarely shifts the tide of the conflict, the Resistance archived every leak -though _this_ has yet to be passed along.

Similar to the Empire of Old, the aesthetic of First Order ships were sterile, minimalist; devoid of color and emotion. _"I'm exaggerating of course, but I think that's what I hate the most about them."_ Leia once jested with Ben during the early days of the war. She wore a cunning smile as she joked with him. _"I mean, fascists are supposed to be theatrical."_

Ben wonders if the First Order had heard her complaints.

The farther away they leave the docking bay behind, the more decadent and extravagant the base becomes. A mosaic of broken mirrors line the floor in place of tiles and cement; the walls were painted in a glossy coat of their preferred shade of crimson red, gold trim lining along the edges and around obstructions.

Farse, decorative windows came and went every four steps, black drapes covering up the ones still under construction however Ben still caught glimpses of his reflection in warped plastic. Observational windows were sparse, but still present. Curved outside of the wall structures, tinted dark enough to observe the sun with ease.

The occasional banner with their insignia.

Golden, delicate frames empty of art hung every two and a half steps. Small, circular lights dangle from the ceiling; only providing them with soft, romantic lighting to guide them.

The First Order had spared no expense in creating the glamorous and impossible.

Silence lingers, save for the sounds of their footsteps. Ben watches her face- for looking down her neckline would steal his breath and rationality. He studies her freckles and slightly parted lips. 

Carefully thinking over how to phrase his inquiry- least she actually _vocalize_ her visions this time.

Keeping his voice quiet, Ben leans his head towards Rey. "An invention somewhere between anti-gravity and artificial gravity. That's how this base is still standing." He was thoroughly impressed.

The ability to hide away on planets that have been deemed worthless by the galaxy. A brilliant concept that would far better serve a faction such as the Resistance. It's rather a cosmic shame that such an invention belonged to the First Order.

Rey doesn't answer him. Her lips pull back into a wide smile which she attempts to suppress, tightening her hold on his arm, bringing him closer to her. "Observant, isn't he?"

"Indeed." Phasma chimes in agreement. "An admirable trait for one to possess." Ben's eyes flicker to the shadow she casts onto the wall. Just as unreadable as her voice. 

Rey continues looking ahead. "Though I don't care for him complimenting something divorced from me." Ben watches her profile, waiting for any acknowledgment.

Both women continue talking around him. "There are currently no inventions under your name, though given your many talents I can only imagine what your future _creations_ will behold." Phasma keeps her voice infuriatingly monotone. "Perhaps you will serve as the creative mind for a new generation's Death Star."

Rey grimaces at that, "I'm no conduit for the past, I'm capable of originality." 

"History is similar to that of a poem, it rhymes." Phasma remains steady, unbothered as she responds. "Your scavenger days are not so far behind you."

The reminder of Rey's past only affects Ben. His steps faltering as intrusive visions of her desperately stripping the flesh off of metal and iron skeletons all in the hopes of a one-quarter portion.

Rey's indifferent, continuing on as though she hadn't been reminded of a tragedy.

"I traded greasy hands for bloody ones," Rey mutters, tilting her head just slightly to the side, not far enough to catch Phasma in her line of vision. "Are you undermining my capabilities?" Her nails dig into Ben's biceps.

"Certainly, not," Phasma says. "You are an exceptional warrior, a leader I can find loyalty in."

"Loyalty!" A pause follows Rey's mocking tone. finally, her eyes find him in a quick glance, glittering hazel eyes. Then she stares at his lips. "Have you placed your faith in me?" Her question is rushed, bubbly.

The light sound of cracking knuckles precedes Phasma's response, she's pulled her hands into fists. "Yes." Her answer is chaste.

Rey presses into Ben's side; a select few giggles escape her as they turn a final corner, a grand black door awaiting them. Sculpted, silver skulls rest where the door handle should be.

The First Order has certainly dove headfirst into their new aesthetic.

Her footing stumbles, only her hold on Ben's arm keeps her upright. "Do you-" She's cackling now, "Do you know what _Kylo's_ going to place in me-" Her own laughter prevents her from finishing her crude remark.

Ben swallows the comment, taking no delight in the twitch it inspires from his groin. He's already on edge as it is.

Phasma talks over the sound of Rey's laughter. "Your sense of humor has always been- and continues to be- a delight."

Laughter descends into a whine. Rey's nose is scrunched as she drags out the sound, her mood quickly transcending into quiet aggression; Ben can't look away from her no matter how uncomfortable the situation grows. "So agreeable!" Her voice is dark, as was the energy carried with it. 

Perhaps uncomfortable was the wrong word.

"I'll allow you the honor of entering first." There's a fine crack in Phasmas insistence. A glimmer of something that wasn't fond for the situation at hand.

Dangerous, lightly threatening.

Those were better descriptors of the overwhelming aura lingering in the room.

Rey drags Ben with her on their final steps to the door, his boots squeak against the reflective flooring, stumbling into Rey as her hand grasped the door. "As if you had the _rank_ to do anything first." She's growling as they storm into the room together.

\--

Cold red tiles ground the dining area, black walls create the illusion of an enclosing abyss. Dull electric lights float and scatter the room. 

The chill flowed in here as well.

The furniture adorning and decorating the space perfectly aligned with the aesthetic of the entire base. Circular tables made from a mosaic of black mirrors, sleek chairs with black velvet, golden, and silver silverware.

Rey drags them over to a loan table at the center of the room; whispering to Ben when Phasma remains by the entrance, quietly dismissing her soldiers. 

"You truly saved me tonight." She begins, Ben fails to stop his heart from swelling even as she continues, "I was _dreading_ this, stars know that Hux will inevitably force us into more of this krifshit in the future." Rey takes a quick breath. "But you finally joining me tonight, I..."

She sucks in her lower lip, dragging her teeth over the swell. A brief glimpse of a pink catches his attention.

A warmth growing in his heart, so euphoric that it pains him. A galactic impulse, a craving that blinds him.

An entire galaxy, in the form of a woman.

The other half of his soul.

All Ben can do is _watch_ her as she inspires all that and more. Simultaneously transforming him into a better man, and man no better than his baser desires.

Ben's lost in the action of observing her; he crashes into Rey when she abruptly stops dead in her tracks. Rey's hand slips away from the crook of his elbow, quickly twirling to stand before him. Pressing both of her palms flat against his chest, her hazel eyes wide and wild,

But it's her smile that unsteadies his breathing. The impossible curve of her upper lip, the dimple at one end, how her entire face lights up. The smear of red lipstick. The same sickly color of blood.

If his hands weren't bound, Ben would have reached out to her. He longed to run his thumb along the plush swell of her lower lip, until the color stained his skin.

If Ben _had_ been able to perform such an act, he wouldn't have been able to predict Rey's response to such an intimate moment in the presence of others.

Perhaps she would have welcomed it, smiling as he smudged the color down her chin,

Or perhaps she would have bitten him. Drawn his thumb between her teeth and applied enough pressure to draw blood. Ben would have only stood there, watching as the same shade of red washed over her lipstick.

But his hands are bound, and at Phasma's _insistance_ , Rey was not obliged to remove them. Even if he were to request that of her now, Captain Phasma was only a short distance away.

Their allegiance was already strained, if Ben wanted to save and protect Rey from the First Order, she _needed_ to maintain her allies- her _trio_ /

Just for now.

Perpetually astrayed within his own thoughts, again she surprises him. Using her leverage on his chest to mercilessly shove him backward. His broad shoulders slam against the backboard of a cruelly uncomfortable chair. Nearly knocking the seat over before Rey balanced her hold on the armrests.

Locking Ben in place. Rey's smile remains. "Kylo.." Softy breathing the name as though it truly belonged to him.

Swiftly, Rey comes forward, desperately pressing her lips onto his. Ben leans into the kiss, indebted to the entire galaxy when her kiss remains. His eyes fall close as he commits the feeling to memory. A cautious, yet delicate kiss as her lips work over his.

Rey's so warm, so soft. Her breath sneaks itself between the cracks of his light smile. Ben parts his mouth, running his tongue along her lower lip, _begging_ for entrance.

Rey pulls away instead, only slightly. Whispering into his mouth. "We, will be alone soon enough, Kylo." She kisses him again. "I just need to-"

A feminine voice clears beside them.

Ben keeps his eyes closed as Phasma speaks to Rey. "Will he be ordering for himself?" The fine crack that Ben had heard in her voice previously was gone. A light, uncharacteristic air of humor had replaced it.

Rey leans away entirely from Ben, her hands still remain at either side of him. He can hear her smile in her response. "We'll be getting one of everything."

Phasma hummed. "I shouldn't have expected anything less for the guest of honor." Shortly pausing. "However, you shouldn't _over_ feed him, as I'm also expecting that he'll be eating something else after dinner."

Ben swallows while Rey laughs, his face burning.

She's incorporating comedy along with a Yes-Man persona. Ben had seen lesser politicians using the same tactic- with minimal to nonexistent success- on his mother. He would have to warn Rey after dinner.

However, Ben has little time to register that sort of thought. The vision Rey had shared returns to him with a renewed flame- along with Phasma's comment Ben knows his face is likely flushed, tinted red. He desperately wants to vanish from the room.

Both women continue their conversation as though he weren't there. "What will you be ordering?" Rey asks with a gentle touch of genuine curiosity.

Phasma begins "General Hux has yet to-" Rey interrupts her.

" _You_ should get one of everything as well." 

Ben's eyes open, flickering towards Phasma. She continues wearing a light smile, though her response is noticeably delayed. "If that's what you _insist_ I do-"

"It is." Rey laughs. "It's not as though we _can't_ afford it!"

There is an attempt from Phasma, to mimic the laughter which continues to joyously leave Rey, but Phasma only manages a quiet, breathy exhale.

Rey doesn't pay the unenthused Phasma any attention. Taking a lone, staggering step forward before plopping herself onto Ben's lap. Dangling her legs over the opposite armrest, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Her hold is light, and Rey leans forward to press a soft kiss onto his cheek; but Ben feels as though he's being strangled. Flexing his hands, attempting to move them from the press of her thighs.

Ben was, without exception, an _extrememly_ private man, seldom acquaintances, nonexistent friendships, and a single lover- a man Ben hadn't spoken to in nearly several years.

Perhaps he preferred the solitude, or it may just be that Ben was underdeveloped. Forever trapped in extended adolescence, embarrassed by the intimate affection displayed upon him with a small audience present.

He wanted control, at least a share of it. Ben was lost without it as Rey was the only one of them to possess it.

Rey wields her control in delicate fingers that curl in his hair, displaying her dominance in pepper kisses along his cheekbone.

And Phasma next to them to bear witness.

"You're quite fond of him." She observes as Phasma chooses her place at the table, staying close to them as far away as she can reasonably manage. Her posture was infuriatingly impeccable.

Rey whispers into Ben's ear, loud enough for the attempt to be obsolete. "Phasma here isn't _fond_ of men, as I've recently discovered." Turning her attention back to her friend, "I won't apologize for my wrong assumption about your relationship with Hux, you two shouldn't have led me to that mistake."

Phasma nods once. "There is no apology required."

Rey's rubbing soft circles into the base of Ben's neck when she asks, "What was the word you used to describe men, earlier?"

"Repulsive." She deadpans.

Rey giggles incurably, until an entrance, is made from the other end of the gala.

\--

The mood of the room turns sour upon his arrival.

The man's ginger hair stands out in a stark contrast to the obsidian walls surrounding them. His ghastly pale skin and chiseled jaw are also strange yet strong characteristics. Surprisingly free of freckles, only sporting a sole mole upon his cheek. 

He's wearing a standard crisp, black First Order's General uniform- and Ben knows he's not mistaken by the sight of orange cat hair lingering low on his trousers. There are also medals of honor pinned and stitched onto his blazer. There's little honor displayed, and he fails to hide his scowl.

General Armitage Hux.

Hux stands in place for a long moment, shoulders squared and fists shaking as he observes the room. More specifically, as his eyes burn into Ben.

"What," His voice is strained. "Is _he_ doing here?"

Rey trails a finger slowly down the length of Ben's neck. "Don't talk about Kylo as though he weren't here."

Comical bafflement contorts Hux's features, his nose scrunched up, and lips snarling. " _Kylo_?" He questions.

"Kylo Ren," Phasma confirms.

" _Kylo Ren_?" 

"The most recent recruit of the First Order." She adds, "And by extension: Our _Trio_." Icy blue eyes flicker onto Ben, he holds everyone's attention.

An amused humm leaves Rey, she's nuzzling their cheeks together, Ben can feel her smile against his skin. He wonders if she notices the cold shiver that ripples through his body; the dread that was pressing down onto his chest. Threatening to crack his ribs.

Hux finds Phasma's claim as equally horrific as Ben does. Gapping open-mouthed for a moment before storming forward.

He's attempting to lower the register of his voice as he shouts at them. "If you _think_ ," Hux is, for all intents and purposes, attempting to scare them;

But Phasma and Rey are entirely unphased. Phasma regards the General with annoyance, Rey keeps herself idol peppering kisses on the bridge of Ben's nose.

Hux raises his voice higher. "If you think!" He repeats, "That you can convince me that _that_ man is anyone other than-"

"His name is Kylo." Rey's voice is soft, her eyelashes flutter against his cheekbone. Tenderly curling her fingers around his neck.

"I know what Princess Leia's son looks like!" General Hux's fought, now standing opposite the table where they rested- Rey still perched on Ben's lap. "You've brought Organa royalty into the _Alerdaan_ System!"

Phasma snorts. "And his kingdom has been decimated for over three decades now; unless you expect him to rule over a graveyard-"

Ben's clenching his teeth as Rey kisses his ear. "My Alderaan Prince." Wiggling her thighs against his lap as Hux continues shouting.

"This will not stand! After _Star Killer Base_ do you think-" Rey's nails scratch Ben's skin, immediately rubbing over the area in apologetic, soothing strokes. Phasma's voice cuts out Hux's

Her tone sharp, "You would be wise to keep any and all accusations to yourself, Armitage." Phasma's eyes never grace the General, maintaining a board expression as her gaze casts off in the distance. "Kylo Ren is our guest."

Hux pounds his fist against the table. "Stormtroopers have already begun defecting from our legion! FN-2187 has inspired a rebellion! Now you've brought the _son_ of General Organa-"

If it weren't for the overwhelming sensation of Rey's breath against his throat and the way she repeatedly kept rocking her hips back and forth across his lap, Ben would have found the entire situation more comical than torturous.

Being defined by his grandfathers legacy by the Resistance and by his mother's legacy by the First Order.

He couldn't imagine how he appeared to the others in the room. Hands bound before him, Rey drowning him in affections. Her lipstick which stains his face, the countless comments made by her and Phasma.

The only thing protecting his dignity from completely obliterating was the sole knowledge that once he learned how to block out Snoke from Rey's mind and escaped with her; he would never have to lay his eyes on Captian Phasma and General Hux again.

That knowledge, however, didn't save Ben from the embarrassment that washed over him.

Rey seemed to be too delighted in Ben's surprise appearance to care what her fellow soldiers thought. She also, seemed to delight in the intense reaction that plagued Ben with her suggestive actions. 

He couldn't control his breathing, it was too much.

Ben hadn't lifted his mental guard since he had been overwhelmed by the images and visions Rey had sent to him. Even now they replayed in his mind on an endless loop, his body _begging_ for privacy, _craving_ her; and all that she wanted.

But his focus was required elsewhere. He _had_ to rescue Rey. Squeezing his eyes shut, Ben lifts his mental wards and shares his _desperate_ , emotional state with her. He wants her, and everything that want brings with it; but he needs her to _stop_.

Her lashes flutter against his temple.

She doesn't hesitate in her retreat from him. Adjusting herself to sit on top of the armrest, keeping her legs elevated by the opposite end. Combing her fingers through his hair a final time before resting her palm delicately on his shoulder blade.

Air returns to Ben's lungs, despite the mourning his body feels at the short distance she had removed herself from. She was only inches away yet somehow the room felt colder.

He was going mad. 

Ben was sure of it.

The fight around them around had continued in the brief moments they had left unattended. If either party had noticed the light shift between Ben and Rey, they had paid no attention to it.

Phasma was defending them as Hux continued his- justified- accusations. Captain Phasma kept her stance with pride, no doubt her assumed allegiance with Rey inspiring her jeering to be more reckless.

Her lack of caution likely has driven the General to be less dignified in his actions. His sneer worsens and there's a new twitch along his jawline.

"The Supreme Leader-" Rey's head snaps in Hux's direction.

"The Supreme Leader will be informed about Kylo's presence and _alligence_ tomorrow." She spits at the General; dread once again ripping at Ben's flesh.

Hux's face had taken on a saturated red tint, his fists shaking at his side. "Tomorrow?" Ben desperately searches for the knowledge that he and Rey will escape the First Order before he's brought before Snoke.

Phasma attempt to deflect Hux's new line of accusation. "He no longer questions Kylo Ren's allegiance." Turning to face Rey. "Not that his loyalty was ever in question."

The General does not wavier. "The Supreme Leader will see you dead!" His declaration is directed towards Rey, not Ben.

A desperate pulse of anger leaves Ben in a wave. The Force rattles the floating lights around the room, a metallic creak whines from below them. Hux shakes his head with a righteous, smug demeanor, his pale eyes glimmering as he stares down the female force user; but Rey and Phasma know perfectly well the Ben's the one acting out.

Both women decide to keep that knowledge from General Hux, allowing him to remain under the illusion that Rey was flexing her power.

Still, she squeezes Ben's shoulder, attempting to sedate the budding aggression.

"You don't speak for the Supreme Leader." Rey blandly reminds Hux. 

"You are a traitor to the man who saved you!" He snarls in response. "I was by the Supreme Leaders side when he brought you on board. A pathetic little girl who could barely make rocks float so that she would have the right to eat!"

Rey's quick to her feet, standing her ground against Hux. "Watch your fucking mouth. The _only_ reason I haven't gone to confer with the Supreme Leader is due to you wanting to play house on Avirendal!" 

Hux reels back. "You would _blame_ me-"

"And the Supreme Leader will believe me." Rey gloats. "The Supreme Leader, my Knights, Phasma, _Kylo_." Ben watches her back muscles as she laughs. "The galaxy understands that I am owed, and if I were to call for _your_ execution tomorrow: What's stopping me?"

Hux only scowls before her. "You overestimate your importance. If _we_ hadn't rescued you, then you would just be another skeleton beneath the Jakku desert-"

No words interrupt the General as his voice abruptly stops. A loud gagging sound rips from his throat, his mouth hangs open, gloved hands reaching up to grasp at his neck.

Rey's hands remain at her sides, but Ben feels the immense amount of Dark energy radiating off of her.

"Keep my planets name out of your fucking mouth, Hux." 

She allows him to hang there, offering no other demands, neither lessening or ascending the Force Chokehold she has on him.

She prolongs Hux's suffocation until Phasma speaks out.

"It would be better if you _didn't_ deliver the word of a homicide to the Supreme Leader; wouldn't you agree?" 

Rey drops Hux.

Falling all the way onto the floor. He gasps for air, Ben hears the squeak of the Generals gloves as they slide against the tile.

Rey looks to Phasma first, Hux's desperate breathing their quiet orchestra as they ignore his suffering. "Are we done here?"

There's a victorious glimmer in those blue eyes, as well as a satisfactory smile. The look of a woman who had finally gotten leverage in a losing battle. "Armitage was never one for pleasant company," Phasma smirks. "It will _certainly_ be an uncomfortable dinner if we were to stay," She stands, to rectify her point. "We should make haste back to the Finalizer."

Ben stands before Rey possesses the opportunity to drag him out of his seat. Hazel eyes never catch his gaze, but her hand squeezes his hand before trailing upwards. Wrapping her arm around his. "Come on." She whispers as their unassuming trio glide out of the room.

Leaving Hux behind, who watches and glares as they leave, he's still gasping for air.

\--

It isn't until Ben is once again surrounded by Stormtroopers that the separate aspect of his situation and it's impending doom reached him.

They were taking him to Snoke's ship.

Snoke who still held Rey's loyalty.

A reality which had escaped Ben by inter military political drama between Phasma and Rey, a hasty critique of the bases aesthetic, the flamboyant General Hux, and the intoxicating feeling of Rey's thighs rolling against his lap.

The corridor traps them in freezing air, yet Ben's skin burns with shame.

\--

He truly is the only son of Han Solo. 

Flying into space with an only vague plan and poorly adapting to the unexpected challenges and blockades he found.

Still failing to accomplish anything even as time slips through the cracks between his fingers.

\--

He _had_ to be alone with Rey. There was still enough time for them to steal a ship and hyperjump away from the Finalizer. All of it will soon be a thing of the past.

The First Order, the Resistance. Sith. Jedi.

Ben would rescue them both, he would kill the past if he had to. He just had to remain _focused_ ,

But as they board the small cruiser with Phasma and her troopers, Rey's hand trails lower, to intertwine their fingers together. Her hand is so small, delicate, _fragile_ compared to his. His palm swallows hers entirely, and the _feeling_ of her bare skin against his, the sensation is too much.

She's too close.

\--

Yet not close enough.

\--

Phasma's eyes steadily hold her sights on the graveyard of asteroids in the far distance as they ascend past the atmosphere. An air of victory lingering in her features. 

She surprises the enter shuttle when she speaks, "I'll be taking my meal in my own quarters, tonight." Turning her head to look upon Rey. "In the morning, it would be my _honor_ to stand by your side as you present Kylo Ren to the Supreme Leader. If you'll have me."

To Ben's horror, Rey's smile is light, almost genuine. "Yeah," Nodding for extra measure. "Arrive early, we can eat together."

"Excellent." The satisfaction Phasma wore was sharp enough to cut glass. The Captain of the Stormtroopers certainly had her own flair for manipulation and deception.

Ben could only grind his teeth and bid his time before he got Rey as far away from _this_ as possible.

\--

Neither Captain Phasma nor her Stormtroopers escort them to Rey's quarters, much to Ben's relief. She even allows them to depart from the shuttle before her.

The soldiers that had been awaiting their arrival on the bridge stood at attention, the closest Stormtrooper to the ramp stepping forward, asking through his voice modulator, "Shall I escort the prisoner to his cell?" 

An amused twitch pulls at Ben's lips. While his wrists are still bound by the standard electronic handcuffs of the First Order, Rey's hand was still clasped around his.

Whatever kindness she had displayed for Phasma was gone. Tugging Ben forward with a snapped warning. "Out of _my_ way."

The Stormtroopers scuffle away from her, and even though each trooper dons a helmet, Ben knows they are afraid.

It's a ripple in the Force, underlining fear along with a sudden burst of terror.

It's the same energy that lingered in the ground whenever he and Luke attempted to hunt her down. The scattering of corpses, their missing limbs. How some of the bodies had been stabbed repeatedly and dismembered postmortem. How obvious it was that some had been tortured long before death claimed them.

It was Snoke's posion. His influence. It wasn't Rey. _This_ wasn't Rey.

\--

It wasn't.

\--

Officers of the First Order regards him with suspicion as he and Rey make their way down the endless hallways and corridors of the Finalizer. Each and everyone bathed in blinding white walls and sterile oxygen. So clean and orderly that the effect was disorienting.

Higher ranking members of the First Order whispered amongst themselves, they kept their eyes lowered, giving themselves away with the prolonged glances they dared and how their voices hushed into silence until _after_ they had passed by.

None of the Officers attempt anything, keeping their distance, pretending neutrality. Either they felt the aggressive energy rolling off of Rey or they've seen her do enough damage to know better.

Ben's uncertain whether it was _aggression_ that weighed on Rey or something else. Her Force signature was rough, _intense_. Whatever emotion had settled in Rey, it was overwhelming her.

He could lower his mental wards again, Ben's sorely tempted to.

When Ben allows the bond between them to remain alive and open, Rey _is_ his other half; yet with her blocked so entirely from him, even with her hand wrapped around him.

She was almost a stranger,

One who shared his soul.

A warm light that had saved him, shown him hope. That who knew immense sorrow, pain, and _loss_ ; who had felt the cold talons of Snoke raking across her brain. Both the First Order and the Resistance only saw her as a monster, not the victim of manipulation that she was.

Their opinions be _damned_. Ben had spent his entire life bearing the type of torment and suffering those factions barely viewed as redeemable. Rey bore her suffering with a vengeance, reacting to her trauma with rage.

She's suffered enough, and she would never suffer again; he would assure of it.

She was his dyad, 

And she would never be a stranger again.

Ben chips away at his own barriers and boundaries. Little by little. There are still barricades and reservoirs which keep him prisoner to his own isolation; but even if he's unable to bypass those obstacles _now_ , in the near future they would be rubble.

He wouldn't request of her anything he himself was not willing to provide. He had left the Resistance for her, and Ben knows, she will leave the First Order for him.

Ben stands at the garden gate of his mind. The ironworks have long since been overgrown by dead and rotten ivy, the frame has rusted and threatens to collapse; but there is green beneath his feet, a promise of a new life.

He reaches out to Rey with the gentlest of brushes, who caresses his mental touch. Rey tightens her hold on his hand, firmly locking her fingers between his.

She doesn't flood him with her emotion, only indulging Ben with a light glimpse of what had overtaken her senses. A lone feeling which guided her towards her quarters with _urgency_ , moments later she retreats, closing off her mind from him almost immediately. She's wearing a wicked grin, her nose is crinkled.

He trips over his own feet. That same emotion he had been attempting to burry flared anew within him. Ben sucks in air as wild hazel eyes turn to find him. 

Oh.

 _Oh_.

\--

He _has_ to get through to her when they're in private. He can't allow himself to be distracted.

\--

He _can't_.

\--

At this point, they are very much sprinting towards her quarters.

\--

She's breathless as she attempts to announce her oncoming dorm with quick pants of _Here, here, here_. Ben slides on top of the tile, gliding to a halt as they _finally_ stand before the entrance. When they arrive, Rey slams her hand on the wall panel, the scanner lights in a slow moving, meticulous red glow as it ascends the length of her hand. 

The device emits a polite melody as it flashes green. The door opens with enough velocity to lightly ruffle their hair as they spill into her quarters.

Rey spins from his side to face him, her hand slipping away from his. Her chestnut hair whirling in the air, exposing her long neck along with every freckle and mole resting there. Rey arches up closer to him, her hands delicately cupping his face as she presses her lips against his.

Ben's eyes flutter closed as he leans down into her kiss. Attempting to move his arms to wrap around her waist- to press her body against his- but his wrists are still bound. The cuffs rattle as he strains against their hold. A desperate noise escapes him by the frustration of having the restraints separating them.

Rey, however, lightly grinds against them. Softy gasping, surprising herself by the friction she discovers. With her mouth open and _beggin_ for him, Ben pushes past her lips, rolling his tongue over hers.

A shudder noticeably runs through Rey, Ben adjusts his hands enough so he can press his fingers high onto her thighs. Feeling how her body moves as she grinds against his restraints again.

She breaths into his mouth, muffled and mumbling. "I've wanted this for so long." Her hands move from cupping his fave to running through his hair. "For years," Breathless and light. "Ever since I learned that you were mine, I spent _every_ night thinking about you." Her confession _rocks_ him. 

There's a hard coil building in his abdomen, his muscles spasm as Ben _again_ attempts to reach for her to no success.

So he devours her mouth instead. Flicking his tongue over hers, lapping against the inside of her pretty pink mouth. Savoring the taste of her, the sweet aroma of sweat and eucalyptus. The taste of sunlight and warmth.

Ben begins to suck on her lip for only a moment before gently biting down on it. Mimicking what she had done to him only _hours_ ago to a less extent. Still, Ben rolls his tongue over the light mark in an apologetic motion. Rey gasps and moans at the action.

Moving desperately in her stance, attempting to press herself as fully against him as his restraints would allow them. 

The sounds of the door sliding shut plays gently in the background, finally sealing them in Rey's quarters.

The muffled toll restores a minuscule amount of clarity to Ben. A light, horrific reminder of the First Order just outside of this room.

A reminder of who was awaiting them in the morning.

He's still kissing Rey, but his actions and movements begin faltering. Slowing. A light whine of protest emits from Rey as her kisses take on a more desperate nature. Delicate hands releasing their grips in his hair to once again cup his face. Gentle, almost loving.

A kindness he didn't deserve until she was safe. Ben begins to slowly pull away, only a short distance but again, Rey only follows him. Determined to allow no separations between them.

He can't escape her, and he doesn't want to. Rey rocks her hips against the outline of his restraints again. Pitched sounds of pleasure releasing from her throat. Erotic and electrifying. Completely intoxicating.

Ben can only work within the confines of their mutual arousal, whispering into her mouth. "Rey." His own voice was low, almost foreign. She lightly shakes her head as she continues kissing him. Ben repeats her name once more, and then another time.

When she doesn't respond on his fourth call, Ben attempts something else. Praying to the stars that his desperation outweighed his lust. "Rey, please I need to talk-"

"I'm sorry." She pulls away from his lips, now spreading messy, wet kisses across his face. "I'm so sorry," Rey repeats, she's trembling before him. "I won't do it again, I swear." So soft, so quiet.

She's kissing the sides and tip of his nose, Ben's mind struggles to comprehend what she would have to apologize for. Squeezing his eyes shut as he attempts to recall their last conversation.

Finally, Ben stalls his proposal to ask her what she meant.

"Rey-"

Rey senses his confusion, she presses a final kiss onto his cupid's bow. Her mouth now hovering over his. "On Avirandale. You don't want me kissing you or doing stuff in public and that's fine." Slanting her mouth over his again. "That's so fine."

Her movements are light, sweet, and apologetic. 

Enough so that it breaks his heart. Her asking for his forgiveness for loving him. Ben opens his mouth to offer her reassurance and _love_ ,

But Rey speaks before him, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Her lips are so soft as they move with his. "I'll be good, I promise I'll be good for you." Her words have Ben shaking, almost trembling. "I'll be good for you Kylo, I promise."

Again his body coils, his erection now straining against the confines of his trousers.

Her breath is so hot against his, she won't stop panting. "I'll be such a good girl Kylo, please."

All his breath is trapped in his throat. Ben's eyes snap open the moment those words leave her lips. He doesn't know what darkness she catches in his eyes, but he observes the silent gasp. The way her lovely mouth hangs open. Gaping at him.

And the _sight_ of her. Flushed cheeks, kiss stained lips, the red tint highlighting her collarbone. The way she's looking at him.

"Take off the cuffs. Now." His voice is darker, almost a growl. The demand and authoritative tone in his voice so uncharacteristic of himself.

Rey swallows, a shaky breath preceding the chiming beep from Ben's restraints. Releasing his wrists, falling to the ground.

Ben's on her in an _instant_. Surrounding Rey in his arms, _crushing_ her against him. Slanting his mouth over hers, her lips like silk and her tongue so _soft_.

One of his arms wraps around her waist while the other snakes low on her hips, lifting her off from the ground. Baring her full weight as Ben does everything in his power to taste and _touch_ her.

Rey locks herself around Ben, feverishly kissing him as though breaking for oxygen would kill her. Humping herself against his hold, her thigh rocking and pressing enough friction against Ben's erection to make him growl.

He stumbles forward, making his way deeper into the room.

Still maintaining enough sense to reach out with the Force, understanding the layout of the room.

Least he trips over something and sends them both crashing onto the ground.

Ben keeps his tongue in Rey's mouth the entire duration of his frantic searching. Rolling, flicking his tongue inside of her mouth. Rey, in turn, meets his every move, rubbing her tongue against his.

Ben staggers more as his path becomes more cluttered, more large objects littering the floor. Avoiding and overstepping every obstacle. Until _finally_ Ben's foot hits the edge of her bed.

He quickly lowers her on top of the black sheets, the dark comforter. Criminally cold as well as silky to the touch.

Rey pushes herself back farther into the large mattress, hands fisted into Ben's sweater, dragging him with her.

Ben catches her wrists, binding them together in one of his hands. Locking them above her head. With her laid back fully against the mattress, Rey arches herself, hips bucking into the air attempting to meet him.

Begging for frictions.

He'll give it to her, all that and more.

But for now, Ben kisses the inside of her neck, just below her jawline.

lightly grazing his teeth over her pulse point, Rey's breath hitches in her throat. Arching more, attempting to reach him.

Ben presses his lips down on her skin until he feels the pulse of her heartbeat against his lips. Staying there for a few moments before sending a storm of quick, desperate kisses across her throat. 

Biting down with caution but enough force to leave pretty purple bruises. Marking her the way she's marked him.

His mouth wanders lower, gliding his tongue over the hollow of her collarbone. Rey pants and squirms under him as Ben still had her hands locked in place above her head.

Kissing the top of her chest, lower and lower until his lips align with the velvet fabric of her top.

Ah, that wouldn't do.

Ben releases his hold on her wrists, Rey immediately reaches for his face as Ben's hands take a firm hold on her waist. Lifting her off the bed and heaving her more towards the center. Quickly removing his black sweater, tossing the fabric aside, before finally crawling himself onto the mattress to cover her body with his own.

Placing his hands on either side of her head. Rey panting below him, her lips were swollen, hazel eyes dark and wanting. 

Reaching for the right side of his face, trailing her finger down the length of the scar she had left him. Past his neck, down his chest. Rey's hand then wanders the vast expanse of him. His chest heaves at her touch.

Ben wants her so terribly,

And he hasn't forgotten about her vision. He hasn't forgotten what she wants. What they both need.

Ben doesn't rip her top off as he had planned, he goes for her trousers instead. Pulling at the fabric with desperate aggression. Ready to actually tear the material off of Rey until her hands fall over his. Showing and helping him work the leather off of her body.

She lifts her hips for him, Ben pulls the fabric past her thighs. His jaw entire slack by the sight of her bare skin.

When her trousers snag against her boots, Ben scolds himself as he quickly removes them as well. They thud against the ground, followed by the lighter sound of her trousers joining them.

Her legs were long, free, and though this was not the first occasion in which Ben had bore witness to the sight of them, the moment very much felt like it. Bathed in dim lighting, the inside of her tighs already slicked and glistening.

Rey parts those thighs for him.

One of his hands finds it's way to her hip, his thumb brushing over the dark underlinen.

The material was soft,

And Rey's skin was so warm.

"You couldn't know the countless time I've touched myself thinking about you." She whispers quietly into the air between them. Ben's breathing staggers as the mental image of Rey slipping her fingers inside of herself burns at the forefront of his mind. Rey continues, "The files we had on you, the blurry holoimages. They were all I had to get off on."

A sound breaks from deep in Ben's throat, as though he were a dying man and Rey his murderer.

Her next question causes a quick tremble to burst through him. "Have you touched yourself while thinking of me?" Her insecurity shatters his heart, so he wears the truth on his sleeve.

"Yes." The answer chokes him as it leaves.

Ben doesn't miss the relief that colors her face at Ben's confession. He's masturbated to fantasies of Rey enough to have lost count, despite the short time they had known each other. Pumping his cock as he thought about her panting, calling out his name.

"What did you imagine you were doing to me?" She asks.

He wanted her to rake her nails across his flesh, scatch down his back. Ben wanted Rey to burry herself into him, to dig her fingers deep enough to draw blood. Rip the muscles underneath until she found bone. He wanted her to create wounds she could stay inside forever.

But at this moment, Ben only wanted what Rey wanted.

He wanted to bury himself between her legs and lick her until Ben knew what it would feel like for her to come on his tongue.

"I'll show you." Is the only answer Ben provides Rey.

Ben leans down and presses his first kiss next to her navel. His dark hair falls and curtains his face, splashing across her pale skin.

Rey tangles her fingers in his hair, maintaining a tight hold on him as her breathing remains heavy.

He kisses along her toned abdomen, across the light curve of her stomach. Her hips continue bucking and attempt to roll against him. Begging for friction, begging for attention.

Ben holds onto her hips, pressing them back down into the mattress. Keeping her as still as possible as he continues working his lips across her flesh.

He runs his tongue along the light hollow of her hipbone, kisses along the hem of her underlinen.

Ben must have stayed there for longer than Rey wanted, as a whine again escapes from her throat, her hands releasing their grip on his hair to instead push down on his shoulders. Bidding him to kiss _lower_.

He partly complies.

Lowering his face not _yet_ between her thighs, but rather hovering above that spot. Placing one hand firmly on top of her stomach, holding her down, while the other one palms her inner thigh.

Already slick, Ben ghosts a finger down the length of her underlinen which causes Rey to _shudder_. The material was completely soaked through.

She was already that wet for him.

That awareness made his mouth water. The tension low in his abdomen once again twisting, hardening.

Ben rushes forward, mouthing the gusset of her underlinen. Lapping his tongue over the fabric. Pressing his lips at the tip of her pubic bone, feeling her clit pulse beneath the material.

A glorious moan of wanton pleasure and _frustration_ falls from Rey. Thrusting her hips, _grinding_ against Ben's face. Her hands once again caught in his dark hair.

Though the material was soaked, basically dripping, the taste of her in light on his senses. Ben runs his tongue up the cloth of her underlinen again, attempting a second helping of her.

It's another whine which leaves Rey now. Far more demanding than pleading.

"Stop teasing and _fuck_ me."

Ben's tugging her underlinen down her hips in an instant; however, his own impatience only allows him to get the material past her thighs before he decides to duck under the cloth entirely.

Resting her legs on his shoulders. Both of his hands placed firmly on her hips. Holding her down in place as he gawks at the sight before him.

Her cunt was pink and glistening with her wetness.

Her clit was red, begging for his attention.

His hunger only became more intense, growing to the point were Ben truly and honestly believed that his only purpose in the galaxy was for _this_.

His tongue caresses the outside of her entrance, gathering her moisture and running it up the length of her slit.

Rey's gasping even as his tongue only _brushes_ briefly against her clit.

Ben repeats his previous action, collecting her wetness on his tongue and spreading it along her lips, only ghosting a touch to where he knows she wants him most. Ben keeps his hold on her hips tight as she squirms under him.

He feels the rocking of her body with each flick of his tongue. Feels the motion of her hipbones working against his palm.

Ben gathers her lips in his mouth, sucking on them. Slicking them up with his spit.

He keeps them between his lips as he lightly pulls away, delighting in their short stretch before they slipped away from him. Pushing back forward to gather them in his mouth again. Rolling his tongue against the gentle skin.

It's not enough for her, even with the heightening sensation. She needs more friction, more stimulation.

And Ben would give that to her.

Again, circling her entrance with his tongue, slowly moving upwards.

Soft and slow, until he slants his mouth over her clit. Pressing a gentle kiss onto the tight bundle of nerves before lapping his tongue repeatedly over the little stud.

A hoarse shout rips from Rey. Her hands pulling him closer. Burying him into her to the point where breathing was becoming a struggle for Ben.

Flicking his tongue again, sounds of her pleasure only increasing and heightening. "That's right," He croons against her clit, "Does that feel good?"

"More." Rey pleads. "Please Kylo, _more_." Oh, how her moans make his cock _throb_.

Gliding his tongue over her little bud again, Ben relents his hold on her hips. Allowing her and _helping_ her grind against his tongue. Having her ride his face.

Taking her clit between his lips and working with that new sensation, sucking on as well as adding pressure.

Crying, "Kylo Kylo yes." She's attempting to take a deep breath amongst her panting. "I'm so close, yes, Kylo please." Her moans vibrate across her skin.

 _I'll do this every night for you, I swear._ Ben attempts to share with her over the bond. Shattering his walls for her to know.

Rey's choking on air as Ben continues lapping at her clit. 

"Please, you have to show me how you touch yourself." She tells him. "How you pump your cock when you think of me."

Ben gasps against her slit, stunned by her request for only a moment before kissing her again. Rolling and flicking his tongue with a new, quickened pace.

He will. He will do anything she asked of him.

Her hips rock against his mouth with an erratic, frenzied speed. _Yes_ Rey calls into the air. _Kylo Kylo Kylo Kylo Kylo Kylo_ Repeating his name with greater and greater intensity until,

Her voice cracks on her cry. Loud and hoarse.

She's ripping at his hair.

Then Ben feels the pulsation of her clit on his tongue. Firmly pressing against it, demanding to feel each and every pulse. Every twitch. Indulges himself of the taste of Rey coming in his mouth.

He keeps his mouth on her until the pulsing ceases. Until her hold on his hair lessens, slowly releasing before dropping to her sides. Slowly, delicately, Ben rises above. Feeling her wetness which still sticks to his flesh, dripping down his chin.

A red tint colors her exposed skin, still panting but her breathing was less desperate now. Satisfied, content.

Rey's lips were parted, her freckled cheeks dusted by a light pink blush.

Her hazel eyes watching him with anticipation.

Her shaking hand reaches up to him, cupping the side of his face. "I still want you to show me how you touch yourself," Rey whispers to him.

Ben sucks in air through his nose, a shudder rushing down his spine.

Adjusting his weight above her to one hand, wasting no time in working open his trousers. His erection was straining and _aching_ against the confines. Though as he frees his cock, Ben can't help the slight whine at the loss of constriction.

His tip is already painted red, pre come leaking out in translucent white drips. His cock twitches in the air before Ben wraps his hands around the base of his erection.

Glancing up to gauge Rey's reaction.

Amused and darkly satisfied to see how her hazel eyes almost bulge out of their sockets. Her jaw slack as she gawks at the sight of him. Her pretty pink tongue darting out to lick her lips.

That almost could be enough to bring Ben over the edge. To know that he is still wanted after she's already come.

He won't last much longer, Ben never stood a chance.

That was the effect Rey had on him.

Ben watches her face as he strokes up the length of his cock, an action she watches with intrigue and lingering arousal. 

The flicks of his wrist soon quicken, jerking his cock with building lust and desperation.

Pumping and pumping, only keeping his eyes on her face, her lips, her eyes; but Rey keeps her eyes locked on his cock.

She'd kept her hand on his face, and its the stroke of her thumb against his cheekbone that truly finishes him.

His abdomen coiling a final time as the tension ripples and releases throughout his body.

His come shooting out in thick white spirts, falling across Rey's exposed stomach. Painting her skin. Speckled along her flesh next to her freckles and moles, next to the love bites Ben had left there. New stars and constellations just for him.

With the last of his come releasing from him, Ben nearly collapses on top of Rey. Catching himself at the last moment, but still very much covering her entire body with his. Still bearing some of his weight onto her.

\--

Ben's still trembling as he runs a hand through Rey's hair, pressing delicate kisses against the side of her cheek. She twists under him until their lips meet.

Her kisses are light and soft, her hands trembling as well. Rey's breath tickles his lips, Ben presses harder into her, burning his kiss into her until he feels a smile smashed against his skin. Her arms wrap around his neck, arching herself into him. Ben desires nothing more, than to crush himself against her. To mend their bodies together as permanently as their souls. However, he isn't _so_ spent that he's unaware of the labored breathing coming from Rey.

Ben rolls off of her, the mattress rippling at the shift in weight. Her arms are still held tight around his neck, following him through the short distance that had separated them. Burying her face in the crook of his neck. 

It's gentle, the afterglow that the moment gifts them. 

"You'll hold me as we sleep." It's a plea disguised as a demand. Muffled against his skin with uncertainty. 

There is enough relief and satisfaction within him for the thought _I'll happily die with you in my arms_ to sit heavy in his mouth. He can't say those words, so Ben presses a series of soft kisses in her hair, on top of her forehead. 

"Always." His answer is just as desperate as her question. 

\--

They slowly, silently remove the rest of their clothing as there's no reason _not_ too.

Climbing underneath the black sheets.

\--

Its a promise. A vow. One Ben will never break.

\--

But there is something lingering as sleep gently takes him.

\--

The room is dark when he wakes, all lights extinguished save for dim LEDs. They paint Rey's outline in soft blue and red hues. Sitting upright on the mattress, knees pulled tight against her chest. Chewing on her thumbnail, quietly mumbling against it.

Ben doesn't know how long he'd been asleep, but the waking world brings him fully back into his body. Firmly aware of what morning on the Finalizer would mean for him. He's thrown away from slumber with nothing lingering with him.

He sits up beside Rey, who doesn't acknowledge him.

His breathing has turned rough, uncertain. Unsure of how to phrase his proposal to her now after last night. Unsure of how they would even escape.

She's still mumbling against her hand as Ben lightly touches her back.

Her head whips to face him. Startled by the sight of him, "Kylo." Shocked as though she had expected him to remain asleep for some time.

His proposal sits on his tongue which still tasted of her. Alternative propositions flashing and suggesting themselves to him, but none are the right thing to say.

He should say anything. 

Ben should be leaning forward and pressing sweet kisses against her neck. Pulling Rey into his arms and pulling them both back down onto the mattress.

There's everything Ben should do.

But instead, he only says. "Don't take me before Snoke."

A pathetic, childish plea.

Rey blinks at him, turning away quickly and mumbling into her hand again. Silence follows and flows between them as Rey seems to consider his request. Nodding her head before facing him again.

Hazel eyes staring into him. "The Supreme Leader can wait." She informs this to Ben in the way children share news of granted permissions.

Yet Ben chooses to believe her. 

Leaning forward, pressing a light kiss on her shoulder as he pretends that she had only been mumbling against her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so so so so incredibly sorry that this chapter took so long and i know that it is NOT good. this whole covid thing has me working insane hours and honestly baby is a lil depressed
> 
> also i'm boo boo the fool bc its been brought to my attention that i dont actual know ben solos real home planet and honestly very awkward. i'll be fixing that, i'm very sorry.
> 
> i'm just, i'm so sorry


	6. caught up in a moment

The darkness still surrounds them, temptations of slumber having evaded them both completely. 

However, tiredness hung under the hallows of Ben's eyes whereas a wild- panicked- shift had settled in Rey's. The chaos which opposed the melancholy air he brought into the room.

A tame mixture of anxiety and energy ran throughout the expanse of her skin. Coursing through her, poison in her bloodstream. The sensation of her flesh lightly electrifying him as Ben continued pressing gentle kisses onto her shoulder.

A cluster of freckles rested on her shoulder, almost indistinguishable in the dim lighting.

The glow of the small, distant LED lights shown quietly on her skin, brushing her shoulders, and the swell of her breasts. Flickering in a controlled pattern of blue, green, and red. 

Each shift in color was accompanied by pitched beeping, the only other sound- their combined breathing being the sole companion- in the silent mood.

Through his fluttering eyes, Ben thinks he can observe more freckles and moles. Leading from the cluster on her shoulder up to her neck. Trailing in thinning paths, spaced and scattered by the column of her throat.

Ben brushes Rey's hair behind her ear. He longs for better lighting, but dreads everything that awaits them outside of this bed. The light will only bring attention to what Ben wishes to elude.

Rey's still fidgeting, mumbling in hushed whispers that Ben disassociates from. He changes the direction of his lips, rising to press against the side of her throat. His nose presses into the skin just below her ear. There he finds grooves trapped against her flesh, old scars from when she'd raked her fingernails across her skin in anxious moments. Hidden by the fabris of her clothing, and now hidden by the darkness. Still, Ben could feel the faded wounds where they pressed into his lips. 

Ben kisses along the edges, along imaginary freckles and love marks, moving further back until he's lost in a new abyss. Soft waves that mesh with his own, tickling his skin as he extends his kisses there as well. Completely lost in her hair.

The darkness which surrounds them is soft, despite the harshness and overwhelming amount of it. 

Rey's room defied expectations. Ben would have thought a wide observational window would have been at the forefront of the area. Expanding the entire length of the wall. Given the enormity of the room, the absence of any observer strikes Ben as almost comical, he finds it cruel as well.

She deserves so much more,

His kisses become more persistent on her throat, breathing in the smell of her skin. Sighing as he dips his tongue on her flesh, taste the sweet salt of her body. Ben's knuckles brush against her waist, gently circling there before pressing his palm flat against her abdomen. Palming the muscles hidden under the soft skin, rubbing his thumb along additional scars he'd failed to notice without the aid of touch.

With the hand she isn't currently gnawing at, Rey reaches for the hand he's rested against her. Her free hand rests on top of his, not in an a gentle touch nor in a discouraging touch, rather, she's urging his reach upwards. Over her ribs until he's fully cupping her breast. His hand spans across the soft mound in excess, twisting his grasp, Ben rubs his calloused thumb in quick circles over her nipple, already taunt and pebbled by the chilling air that haunts them.

Rey's leaning more into him now, her mumbling and whispers starting to fade from her attention. He gives a light pinch to her nipple, delighting in the mewl that escapes her.

Ben runs his opposite hand in soothing motions up and down her back, the curve of her spin, his fingertips grazing over the dimples on her lower back, grazing over scars that have embedded themselves even into the flesh there. Slowly ascending, trailing to her side and beyond to grasp her other breast in his hand.

She's no longer whispering, her breathing coming in quicker.

With both of her breasts firmly under his care, Ben palms the slight swells, kneading them as Rey's head tilts backward, exposing her neck to him. Lightly nipping at Rey's throat, Ben whispers "Tell me what you want," His lips make their way across her jawline, "Please, tell me." She inhales a rich breath at the end of his plea, twisting her neck to face him.

He continues massaging her breasts as Rey claims Ben with an insistent kiss. Opening her mouth to him, rolling her tongue inside _tasting_ him with a feverish intent. Her teeth graze over the swell of his lips, Ben stiffens awaiting for a bite which never comes.

Twisting herself towards him again, roughly clasping her hands on either side of his face; fingernails threatening to dig and bleed him but never penetrating his flesh. Ben watches the suggestive snarl that twitches her upper lip. Ruthlessly holding him in place, hovering her mouth over his.

His body had been waiting for this aggression from her, muscles turning taunt and his cock twitching in anticipation.

He searches those wild hazel eyes in the gentle night, anger reflecting in the black nothing of the room. Ben responds to her wordless demand, clutching the small of her waist and crushing her against him. Sliding Rey up onto his lap, the shape of her body curving and arching into him.

Her thigh pressed against his growing erection, Ben drops his hands to leverage her hips, rubbing her back and forth on his lap with haste. White shooting stars flashing across his vision at the friction the action brings him.

Rey keeps her nails in his jaw, digging and scratching at his flesh. His nose has bumped against hers, and Ben can feel where her teeth press over the archers' bow on his upper lip.

Ben keeps one hand firmly on the small of her waist while the other palms on top of her upper thigh, brushing his thumb across the sensitive, soft skin there. Hand flexing on the plump flesh as the urge to wander upwards overwhelms him.

However, with a grand- uncharacteristic- display of self-control, Ben manages to still his hands and erratic movements until Rey vocalizes what she wants. Ben needs to _hear_ her.

"Rey," Her name is deep in his words. Low in register, unrecognizable.

Red LED lights illuminate and highlight her hair, similar to a mythical angel halo. The darkness holds her in that faint, crimson light before flashing to blue.

The blue is softer, despite the brighter glow. Something in the sapphire hue steadies Rey. Her face relaxes, hands gently removing their harsh hold on him. Lightly stroking his jawline in an apologetic touch. Pressing a tender kiss on the side of his nose.

Capturing his lips in the most delicate fashion.

Haunting and uncharacteristic.

"I want your mouth on me again, Kylo." Rey whispers against his mouth, adding "Eat me out while you fuck me on your fingers."

Control slips from his grasp, her demand rushing all of his senses, all of his blood, directly to his cock.

His thick, calloused fingers race up her back, taking a firm- supportive- hold on the base of Rey's skull as Ben lifts her up and drops her down onto her back. Silky black bed sheets rippling around her body.

Rey keeps a gentle hold on his face, but Ben slants his mouth over hers. Tasting her, _claiming_ her with each roll of his tongue.

Their legs are tangled together as his weight leverages on her, his thigh pressed between her legs, his erection pressed in the jut of her hip bone. The sounds of her pleasure and her arousal edging him onwards, driving him over the edge.

Ben continues his passionate claim of massaging his tongue over Rey's, devouring every hitch and gasp that escapes her. His hands storming her body, lower and lower until they grasp on either side of her hips.

Dragging her up and down the length of his thigh, shuddering at the slickness that follows her movements. She was already dripping, before he even had the chance to slip his fingers inside of her, before he had even kissed her sweet cunt.

"How are you _this_ wet?" Ben questions in awe, matching the smile that spreads across Rey's face.

The knowledge brings him unabashed pride, an overwhelming sense of possession. Along with an uncontroable _hunger_. 

Rey wriggling, sliding herself down the length of his thigh. "You enjoy delaying things too much." She breaths. "Put your fingers in my pussy, _now_."

Ben enjoyed the _anticipation_ , but her demand totals him. "Dirty girl," Growling as he grinds Rey along his thigh with rougher motions. Pitched moans and breaths that sound from Rey, hardening his abdomen muscles to stone. Her head rolls back, Ben kisses over her jawline, descending down her throat. Dipping his tongue in the grooves of her clavicle.

Sliding himself lower against her body. His face pressed between the valley of her breasts, trailing off the rails to claim one of her hardened nipples in his mouth. Circling his tongue around the bulb, opening his mouth wider to claim her entire breast.

Rey arches and a surprised yet encouraging sob encased deep within her throat. Ben continues working his mouth over her breast while his tough fingers work against her free nipple, rubbing, lightly pinching.

She's attempting to grind against his leg again, but the friction is too light as his thigh is no longer ledged there. His body shifts and adjusting as he sinks lower down her body. Rey whines in frustration as her tit falls from his mouth with a filthy wet sound. A thin trail of spit still connects them, immediately breaking when Ben moves.

He kisses down her ribcage, silently relieved when he's unable to feel any bones under her soft flesh. Slowly making his way down to her navel, Rey begins bucking her hips against him. Ben presses a hard hold on her hips, gentle but _firm_. Rey fights against his hold, _begging_ for friction, for contact, all of which he denies her, for now.

Rey's hands find his shoulder, her nails digging into him. Enough to _almost_ pierce the flesh there.

"Kylo-" There's more she'd meant to say, but she's lost to calling his name in a quick moan.

Ben hopes that Rey can feel his smile where it's pressed against her stomach. Deep pride and triumph running through him as she rolls against him, rocking and gyrating.

Rey works and worms her leg out from under him, tightly locking Ben in place between her thighs. With their new position, Ben loosens his hold on her hips slightly, Rey's quick to use the opportunity to _grind_ herself against Ben.

The touch and friction is featherlight and _not enough_ , whatever pleasure Rey had found in the movement had only left her desperate for more. She moves to thrust her hips again, yet Ben resumes his firm grip on her hips. A frustrated whimper comes from Rey and Ben's smiling again.

Fighting for her own composure, Rey taps an impatient finger on his shoulder, before tapping her entire hand instead in frustration. "You know how I hate waiting, why play this cruel game with me!" She'd meant to sound cold and demanding,

But her words come out as a desperate requisition.

Her composure had shattered without his notice and she was attempting to maintain some semblance of control. She wanted him, she _wanted_ him, she- 

_I'll be such a good girl Kylo, please_.

He _should_ tease her, continue his slow- torturous trail of kisses down her body; prolonging the act until she was begging for him to mouth her cunt. Until the sounds of her desperation and arousal were too much for his _aching_ cock and he was left with the sole desire and passion to run his tongue down the entire slit of her cunt, drinking in her arousal until he was drunk off the taste. 

They had finally broken through their painful mutual pinning and now they deserved to be here. Drowning in this trembling anticipation.

Ben considers pressing his lips along the edge of her stomach, right over the curve, whispering _Good girls know how to wait_ he'd lower his face until he was hovering over her clit, his lips ghosting over the tight bud as he whispered _I thought you wanted to be a good girl_. Kissing the area around her cunt, giving her just enough to make her beg.

Perhaps he was being cruel.

But the thought made Ben hyper aware of his aching cock, pressed against the unforgiving, cold sheets; and he knew that Rey was perfectly capable of ripping his hair out if he were to pull a stunt like that.

Her nails were still digging into his shoulders. Ben _hated_ how he loved the feeling. He wants her to peirce the flesh there, to drawl blood.

He lowers himself completely unto her. Pressing the full width of his tongue on her clit, feeling how her cunt _throbs_ on it. With a hoarse shout, Rey squirms with renewed vigor under Ben, attempting to grind against his face when his tongue only lingers and does not move apart from light lapping.

His tongue remains still because Ben remembers her other request.

Rey's hands have moved to tangle in his hair, gripping and roughly pulling. Pushing his face more into her.

Adjusting his position, Ben rests his forearm across the expanse of her abdomen; he knows it won't be as effective at keeping her still as using both hands, but his options are limited.

Ben laps at her clit, in quiet swirling motions. Repeating and growing more insistent as his fingers trail next to her slit. Rolling, flicking his tongue over her clit as his fingertips brush past her lips, ghosting over her entrance.

A shudder ripples through them both, she's _dripping_ wet.

A low groan of arousal comes from Ben, the sound vibrating against her clit. Possessive and animalistic. Thousands of things he longs to tell her, to praise of her, flashing across his vision. _Good girl, getting so soaked for me._

_Your cunt tastes so sweet._

_I can't wait to fuck you on my fingers._

_I can't wait for you to take my cock._

_You're such a good girl._

Ben must have said one- if not all- of those aloud as Rey moans at the dirty endearments. The dirty suggestions and innuendos that she had whispered and said onto him ever since the Force had first connected them. Those words had _destroyed_ Ben. Fueled countless fantasies to distract him from his omnipresent loneliness.

Ben hadn't expected the dirty talk to have such an effect on him; but the filthy things he wanted to say and _hear_ overpowered any reservations he might have possessed. "Is your pretty cunt ready for my fingers?"

Rey moans, calling in name in _warning_. Wriggling her hips, begging for him to act.

He circles his middle finger around her entrance, slicking up the digit with the warm evidence of her arousal as he pushes into her. Rey clenches down onto his finger, her sex rejecting and accepting him in a mixed sensation. Pushing him away and pulling him in.

She's tight enough to make his teeth clench, enough to steal his breath.

Rey's panting as she takes his finger up to the first knuckle.

Ben listens carefully to her breathing, to the sounds she makes. Keeping his ear open for any signs of pain on her side as his finger slides into the second knuckle. Her cunt tightening the farther Ben pushes his finger inside.

Lapping and sucking on her clit the entire time, keeping her stimulated and wanting.

He works more in, flexing his finger, attempting to stretch her but she's so _tight_. Ben could add a second finger inside. He could pump and fuck her with one until her sex relaxed enough to add in his ring finger; however the added width and girth might still be too much of a stretch, how would Ben even-

Everything in Ben stills to a frightening halt.

His cock hard and twitching with _expected_ anticipation.

His cock which he was suddenly unsure would even _fit_ inside of her.

His dilemma over his unruly cock lingers for a moment too long. Rey mistakes his hesitation as more taunting teasing.

Grinding, as well as pushing his face more into her sex. _"Kylo."_ Her words are a tightly laced warning.

Ben kisses her cunt again, taking the bud between his lips and working the nerve that way as he thrusts his finger in and out of her. Feeling as her walls relax and pull him in deeper with every motion. Feeling as her body accepts and begs for him, 

Waiting until the resistance has lessened almost entirely, pulling his finger out and slowly pushing two inside.

Rey hisses at the addition, a sound she attempts to muffle,

But Ben hears her.

He pulls his fingers out of her at once- which causes a desperate whine to ring from Rey- rising ever so slightly to gaze upon her. Rey's face is flushed, that much he can tell in the dim lighting. Her lips have a slight swell to them from her gnawing on them and her hazel eyes are dark and _hungry_.

She runs her fingers in soothing strokes through his hair before returning to their tight grip. "No, no," Rey begs, "Please don't stop, you don't have to be gentle." Panting turning into deeper gasps. "Be rough, but please don't stop."

Aggressive and mature. Commanding like an ancient deity unto her subjects;

And Ben was her devout follower, claiming his mouth over her cunt once again.

Mercilessly sucking her clit as he begins to sink two of his fingers inside. Moving them in a scissoring motion as they work deeper inside of her. There is still resistance and despite her claim, Ben doesn't want to hurt her.

So he pumps his fingers into her with short thrusts, lapping her sex as her body relaxes further- as her _cunt_ relaxes.

Ben can feel her body beneath where his arm holds her down. He feels the sensation of her skin grower hotter and hotter with each passing moment. Her abdominal muscles are hardening beneath his fingertips. A thin sheen of sweat covering her skin.

He loosens his hold on her, licking her cunt as Rey grinds into his face. The angle is awkward, but her rocking helps sink his fingers deeper inside of her. Thrusting them in and out with a growing ease.

She's dripping over his entire hand as Ben changes the angle of his fingers, twisting them, fluttering them against her inner walls, searching for-

The mental wards of their bond crack as his fingers find _that_ spot.

Quick flashes of light scattered across her vision as though they belonged just as much to Ben. Sharing the same white shooting stars.

His fingers hit that same spot again and that light grows, it's blinding heat building.

She was so close, the entire sensation about to encase her- _drown her_.

Over the sound of his blood roaring in his ears, Ben hears her call in a hoarse voice. "Yes, yes Kylo-" A shocked breath, her voice losing itself in a high pitch, "I'm gonna come, Kylo more, yes-"

Ben increases his tongues pressure on her clit, rolling over the bud and _sucking_ with as much force as he could manage. Thrusting his fingers over that _tight_ spot inside of Rey again and-

It's a crescendo of hoarse shouts. Rey, calling his new name over and over until her voice cracks on it. Her legs quivering on either side of him, her clit _pulsing_ against his tongue.

Her entire body trembling in the aftershocks of her orgasm, ripples of released tension and pleasure coursing through her.

 _Good girl_ , Ben thinks as he lightly continues to mouth her sex in the afterglow _Good girl_.

Ben can feel the burning white heat of her orgasm through the bond. The sensation threatening to break him but not strong enough to release him.

He strokes his tongue up the length of her slit one last time before removing himself from between her thighs. Carrying with him the _taste_ of her pleasure.

Ben presses a kiss next to her hip bone, one between her breasts. He aims for her throat next, pressing gentle kisses there as Rey begins sitting up. Soft, soothing whispers of protest leave Ben as he nips at her next.

Rey defies him, sitting upright as her hands cup his face, bringing Ben's lips against her own. Loving and lazy as they move together, far too slow for Ben.

Righting his position, Ben keeps his lips on Rey as he takes himself in hand. _Squeezing_ his aching cock with more pressure than needed. The desperate need for friction rips through him. A deep moan escaping him and sounding into Rey's mouth.

"Stop, I can handle that." She murmurs against their kiss.

Ben's quick to shake his head, though the _suggestion_ knocks against his sanity. "No, Rey it wouldn't fit-"

He manages to pump his cock once before Rey responds, her words drowning out the whine that leaves Ben. "That's nonsense, what do you mean it wouldn't-"

There isn't even a warning brush of her fingers, Rey's hand wraps around his cock just next to his own hand and all the air leaves Ben's lungs.

He drops his hand from his length, sure that he's about to drop dead from the very _feeling_ of her delicate fingers curled around his cock.

Fingers which Rey flexes around his length not once- but _twice_.

"I can't even wrap my fingers all the way 'round." She whispers between them, pulling her face away from Ben to _look down_ and-

When her eyes meet his again, her jaw slacks, completely _gaping_ at him.

A sight that might have fueled his ego if her hand wasn't still holding onto his cock, and Ben so desperate for her to-

"Rey."

He only says her name, deep and desperate.

Her lips are on his again and she starts pumping. Short and experimental at first, attempting to find the rhythm and pace he had shown her only last night.

Adjusting her wrist to accommodate his length, gently working her tongue inside of his mouth. Her other hand trails down his torso, dropping on top of his thigh, working it's way closer to her.

An action he's _aware_ of as Rey's pumping is too slow and short and _not enough_ and oh he's going to have to _beg_ isn't he, he shouldn't have teased her so-

Rey's hand continues wondering up her own thigh before dipping down to her cunt, her fingers slipping down the slit, emerging between their bodies _dripping_ with her arousal and-

She wraps those wet fingers around the base of his cock, her dry hand dropping between her thighs as well before wrapping around his cock. Finally _pumping_ with the pace he needed and-

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Ben's head falls into the crook between her neck and shoulder deep and desperate moans escape him and vibrate against her skin, his trembling hands attempting to brace on either side of Rey and

She is _so_ good. The praise leaves his lips in a deep moan as he again repeats "Good girl," 

Rey's perfect, everything about her, in every way. Her pretty little fingers can't even fit around his cock and-

Ben is a man undone, completely shattered.

Rey knows this, understands perfectly. Pumping Ben _fasting_ , but he's already thrusting himself into her hands.

White light at the edge of his vision, Rey's whispering and breathing against his ear. _Come all over me, Kylo_ Her words are hot against his ear, echoing and pulsing through his body with each pump. _Cover me with your come_.

His arms can no longer support himself, Ben reaches for her, fingers digging into her hips as he bears his weight onto her.

Rey only waivers slightly, keeping her rhythm as she repeats _Come on me_ and does-

Muscling hardening and coiling-

Shockwave after shockwave pulsing from his cock-

White hot spurts of come shooting from him, continuous and thick, Rey maintains her pace, coaxing all of it out of him.

Moaning into her shoulder, grasping her flesh.

His orgasm still controls him even as the last of it spills into Rey's hand. As she wraps her arms around him, falling back down onto the mattress- Ben collapsing on top of her.

He can feel where his come had spread through her stomach, her tits, all of it now pressed and smeared against his skin.

His breathing is still coming out in pants, desperate and wild. Rey circles her hands on the thick expanse of his back in soothing motions.

Ben still maintains enough sense in the afterglow to not crush her with his weight. Lazily rolling, pulling Rey with him to his side.

\--

She was the first to leave. 

Just a short time later, with a light kiss and announced destination of the 'fresher. Rising from the black silk sheets which stuck to her skin and followed her for a short distance before falling to the ground.

Ben watches her back as she walks away, bare and indistinguishable in the dull lighting. Red LED lights highlighting her curves and long legs. The darkness only stays for a moment longer until Rey signals for the artificial lights to turn on. All of it much softer than Ben could recall, unexpected. Similar to the rest of her room.

Grand in size, completely covered in plants and wildlife. Green life ranging in various sizes from monstrous to delicate. Bushes of cool toned green hues, whose branches and leaves fanned out and shadowed the plants surrounding it.

Homely, stunted trees in the coroner, with thin trunks and branches bent against the ceiling. Plush white flowers, thick petals fluttering to the ground. There were also potted flowers, which sat on dressers and shelves, larger flora hanging above them, ivy stringing and swaying from the pot.

There _was_ an observational window, spanning the entire wall just opposite of where their bed rested. A dark tint resting over the panel, a switch next to the screen with a red glow. 

A function standard of even the most ancient of ships, Ben should have figured.

A paranoid voice quietly whispered that Rey had kept the observational panel dark on purpose, in an attempt to keep him from studying the stars, using their constellations to summarize their exact location;

But Ben knew the thought to be illogical. He was never going back to the Resistance, Rey understood that. There was no risk in any knowledge Ben found in the First Order.

Not that he was staying here for long.

Ben only needed to untethered Rey's loyalty to her faction- to Snoke. Keeping the tiny flare of light inside her ablaze until it grew brighter.

They won't be on the Finalizer for too long, they were a dyad, Rey would choose him. She would just need a day or so. Rey had already delayed the _Supreme Leaders_ orders to have _Kylo Ren_ brought before him.

Ben only needed to bide his time til then, he could stay in this bed, this room.

The entire room was rife with love and care, years of delicate arranging and building. Rey had brought life onto the ship, a spark of light against the First Order. There was also an abundant amount of clutter among the plants, a collection of odds and ends, most of which was shelved and held against the wall opposite the entryway.

Hardbound novels, something that looked like a doll, wearing a faded orange jumpsuit. He wonders if that's from Jakku; as for all other items in the room, Ben thinks about the corpses that followed Rey. The countless dead they had found. Always faster than them.

Much faster than they had ever thought possible if she had the time to amass a collection this size. _How much will she want to take with her?_ Ben thinks to himself. _It will be impossible to rebuild-_

Ben's thoughts halt at the sound of the water cycle in the 'fresher coming to life.

The sound of Rey's footprints precedes her appearance at the doorway to the 'fresher. Wild eyed and smiling. Her body was still bare, less pale in the soft lighting; his come was still specked and cooling on her skin. 

The sight of her inspires newfound arousal, despite his recent release.

Or perhaps it was something else that was being brought out in him. A lightness above his lust, whatever that emotion was, it was _choking_ Ben. Before, Ben might have compared Rey to a black hole; but so was softer and kinder than that.

A magnetic force, a gravitational pull that could keep him at a safe distance or crash into each other. 

She extended unto him a wordless invitation, one Ben didn't hesitate to accept. Leaping to his feet, finding his way to her side with a few long strides. Pinning her to the doorframe, crushing his lips over hers.

\--

The 'fresher is much grander and spectacular than anything the Resistance would have ever opted for. Ben had _witnessed_ luxury such as this, despite the tragic fate of Alderaan the Organa Vaults were digital. Every credit was accounted for along with titles to palaces and retreats on various planets.

Then, there was everything Padme had left for Luke and Leia. The Amidala Palace had been sectioned off and preserved, everything of hers that hadn't been destroyed in the days of the Empire had been stored there until her children claimed items they had wanted.

With the fortune of two distinguished monarchies funding his family legacy, Ben was no stranger to the _concept_ of the finer things in the galaxy; But Leia lived modestly, and believed in charity. Keeping herself and her family _comfortable_ despite the vast amount of wealth at her disposal- All of which belonged to _her_ since Luke Skywalker stuck to a strict Jedi lifestyle.

Ben didn't _want_ to think about his family and his childhood at this moment. Not when Rey insisted to press herself into him, hot water washing over them both. She hasn't started kissing him- not yet- Rey's content to place her head on the crook of Ben's neck. He can feel her smile where it's pressed against his flesh.

The layout of the area reminded Ben too much of the 'fresher of his home back on Chandrila. Sick memories and unwanted nostalgia scratching his skin, raking their nails across his mind.

Ben fights against the sensation, turning his sole attention and all feeling to Rey. He only needs to drown in her more.

"I'll wash your hair." His offer is soft, true. Rey humms lightly in response, her smile never fading. "I'll brush and braid it once it's dry as well, if you'll let me." 

She doesn't refuse, Rey only wraps her arms tighter around Ben. "I've never seen you wear braids in your hair." Rey tilts her head back to press quick kisses along his jawline before turning around.

Ben's quietly thankful that she can no longer see his face. The familiar setting easily brings back past memories. His father screams at his mother about Ben's appearance. Just one of the myriad of fights that had occurred between them. 

They were fine with him braiding Leia's hair, her hair was as long as it was thick. Even Han Solo took delicate care when brushing his fingers through it. Attempting sloppy braids that Leia would playfully mock but still wear with pride.

Leia had told Ben about their honeymoon, keeping the private details _private_ but still even the suggestion of the act had been enough to burn Ben's face with an uncomfortable feeling with unwanted knowledge, but Leia spoke in grand detail of Han undoing her hair with the greatest hair. How he took out each and every pin with delicate precision, kissing each one before lowering them to rest on his thigh. 

Han undid each braid with care, slowly unraveling them, running his fingers through the brown locks. Even after Leia's hair was completely undone, following in long brown waves down her back, Han brushed her hair for her. 

He didn't know it as a child, but in the culture of Alderaan, the length of one's hair was a symbol of pride, honor. Braids were a symbol of greatness and victory. Something that should belong to Leia and not her son who would never be able to know what the earth of Alderaan felt like. 

Ben's hair _was_ long enough to braid, sitting only an inch above his shoulders. Short enough to bypass military standards but not long enough for _his_ liking.

He could grow it out now. Even if he lacked pride and honor.

He never answers Rey, then again she never asked him any question. Ben only leans forward, pressing a gentle kiss to her cheekbone before stroking his hands through her wet hair.

\--

After he's finished washing the last of the soap out of Rey's hair, Ben drops to his knees without reservation. Spreading her thighs apart with an urgent touch, Rey backs into the tiled shower wall behind her, arching against it as she allows Ben access to her. Evidence of her arousal still lingers, dripping down her slit, down her thigh, merging with the water which washes over them. 

Ben runs his tongue down the length of her slit again, nudging at her entrance. Still relaxed and ready from their last sexual encounter. Ben places his palm on the inside of her thigh, urging her legs apart more; but the stance is awkward for Rey, and Ben instead lifts one of her legs up over his shoulder. Rey grasps at the shower wall, attempting to find something to help balance their new situation. 

His access to her cunt is immaculate, Ben laps up what's leftover of her arousal, savoring the taste before sliding his tongue inside her cunt. Bringing a new wave of pleasure from Rey. Thrusting inside of her in short movements, tasting her inner walls as they clench and flutter against his tongue. 

Drinking up her essence as his nose bumps and stimulates her clit. Rey gasps with delight, grinding herself down onto his face and she again attempts to balance herself in the 'fresher. Calling his new name in quiet moans, repeating them with growing insistence. Ben knows that her recent orgasm still has her on edge, it only takes a few bold strokes of Ben's tongue before she's coming in his mouth.

\--

Childhood memories still haunt him as he runs a comb through her hair. The cluster of freckles on her shoulder is more visible in the better lighting. Ben leans down and presses gentle kisses there, basking in the distraction.

But it isn't _enough_ , the comb slips from Ben's hand as his fingers ghost over Rey's skin, searching and searching until he's cupping her breast. Rey arches against him, grinding her ass into him in slow, tortuous movements. His cock waking up, twitching with anticipation when Rey whispers, "Kylo..." again and again

Thrusting against her again, Ben works his hand in between her thighs, Rey rolls her head back, burying her face into the crook of Ben's neck. He circles his fingers around her clit, coaxing her next orgasm out of her, her every breath tickling his skin until she's come on his hand.

\--

Ben bears her weight as her body slumps against him. 

"If you keep doing that I'll be too over sensitive," Rey lightly taunts him, "How do you expect me to take your cock then, Kylo?" Her smile is wide and lovely, Rey's hand slithers down his torso until she's gripping his length.

Ben only raises his hand to his mouth, sucking her arousal off of his fingers.

\--

Exactly like the layout from his home on Chandrila; there's an adjacent room to the 'fresher; leading into two separate wardrobes. From the color of the walls to the shadows cast by the light fixtures. The entire scene was like something from his memory.

How many times had his father found Ben digging through his clothing? Dressing up and playing pretend smuggler. Han would only laugh, taking countless photos and holos of those days.

He poorly attempts to bury the memory, focusing his eyes on what belongs to _Rey_. From what Ben could observe at his distance, Rey's clothing was arranged neatly. Clean and orderly, all similar shades of black with seldom differences. Various textures and touches to the garments. There _was also_ a white chest hidden in the far back corner.

A mystery Ben knew would have to wait for a moment.

"I kept myself from buying you clothes until recently," Rey tells him, water droplets still falling from her hair. "There isn't much, we'll have a proper fitting soon and order more." Her nose crinkles as she smiles up at him. "I'm commissioning a new outfit for myself as well."

But only dread finds him. He had witnessed General Hux's uniform, Ben could only imagine what was awaiting him.

"I'd rather not dress like a First Order Officer." He sounds more aggressive than he had meant.

Rey matches his energy in an instant. Her face dropping into a scowl. Ben can feel the flames of her Force signature circling around him. Rage which he _knows_ Rey is attempting to suffocate. He can observe this in the way her jaw works and the cracking sound of her knuckles.

She's successful, in some regard. "Get dressed." She deadpans and she enters her own wardrobe.

\--

It's all black. Dark and strong. Rich fabric with his name stitched into the inside hems. White thread locked in crooked lines. She had embroidered 'Kylo Ren' into every garment that she had acquired for him.

\--

His tunic slips over his frame with ease, loose and flowing down his torso. His trousers are loose as well, but not uncomfortably so. There's a thick black belt, bearing the First Order insignia in place of a buckle. When Ben reaches for it, he catches his name stitched into it as well.

There's a droplet of blood on the white thread, as though she had pricked her finger while threading his name.

\--

Her Force signature has lightened, but there is still a slight tension in it. Regardless, Rey is smiling when he exits into the room. There's a glimmer in those hazel eyes, holding Ben in a kind, almost forgiving gaze.

"Did you notice the gloves in there?" Rey inquires as she approaches him with determination.

He's reaching out to her before she's even close enough to grasp. Quirking an eyebrow at her question. Once Rey is in his arms, both of Ben's hands skirt down her lower back to grope her ass. Rey responds by arching upwards to press a kiss against one of his freckles.

Murmuring against his skin, "I want you to be wearing them the next time I see you." His fingers flex and squeeze the flesh they hold.

He doesn't answer her, because her words had been an order. He leans his cheek along her chestnut hair, now dry and ready for him to braid.

\--

They don't address his comment or her anger.

\--

They've sprawled out on the unmade bed again. Rey's perched between Ben's legs, there's a small crimson pouch resting next to her thigh. Filled with small ties and pins, a hairbrush and hand mirror made from matching silver. Thrones had been etched into their handles. Chips of silver stick to his thumb when Ben runs his thumb over the grooves.

"Are these new?" He asks as he begins running the brush through her hair in light strokes.

Rey humms in confirmation before elaborating, "Phasma purchased them for me," Ben grimaces at the reminder of her _friend_ , he opens his mouth to protest their relationship when Rey asks, "So, what kind of braid will you be doing?"

As far as Ben understands, they are still in the Alderaan Sector. It seemed fitting to him that he styled her hair in some form of Alderaan fashion. The tension between them had eased enough for Ben to jest. 

Sectioning off part of her hair, pinning the brunette locks in place, Ben mummers "Good girls like surprises, don't they."

He can't observe her face, but he _feels_ the flare in her Force signature. A golden pulse that circles and swirls around them. 

Rey liked it when he called her a good girl.

Starting on his first strand of braids, Rey takes the initiative to lead the conversation. "You'll start training with my Knights soon." Ben's hands remain steady despite the spike in anxiety. "I've no doubt in your abilities, but you'll need to understand how we work together."

Voicing any protest would only fan the embers of their last misstep, Ben only responds "I've no lightsaber."

His saber was held in a lead containing, guarded by Jedi Master Skywalker. The kyber crystal that was a reflection of his soul. He should have known that the moment Skywalker stole the saber from him, Ben would never see his weapon again.

Rey doesn't ask him and questions over his lightsaber. "The hilt will be simple enough to build, we've all the supplies you could need." Ben begins another braid. "There's a workshop on this flight of the Finalizer, you'll create one this evening."

Her words are a subtle demand. Absent of all suggestions and choices. 

Ben intertwines the two braids. "Will I be training with your Knights after?" 

Rey would leave with him, that moment in their timeline was an inevitability. Their soul was one, there was never any doubt that they belonged to the other. Rey _would_ leave, busy work couldn't delay that.

"Not for another day or so, I'll be introducing as well as inducting Phasma first." Her answer brings unprecedented relief, an emotion Ben's quick to suppress before Rey takes note of it. "I'll call up a spare holopad for you, you'll be connected to my account if you should want to buy anything."

He pins a section of her hair in place, overlapping the metal with a third braid. He should buy jewels for her hair, small diamond pins. Small luxuries that they could take with them. 

Ben should purchase another calligraphy set as well.

"And Kylo," Rey swallows, taking a moment before continuing "You won't be brought before the Supreme Leader until you're ready. Once the darkness within has settled and whatnot."

The implication brings him unease, but that doesn't prevent Ben from a choked "Thank you."

\--

Phasma arrives the moment he's done with Rey's hair. Donned in a chrome Stormtrooper uniform. A black cape hung over her shoulder, cascading down her torso. Her helmet in tucked under her arms.

Her pale blonde hair pulled back in the same standard military it had been the night before. Phasma's eyes were the color of ice that sliced through Ben even at the distance between them. Greeting him with a curt _Kylo Ren_ , a greeting Ben doesn't return. Rey rises from the bed without a word, the silver handmirror left untouched.

\--

Rey doesn't kiss him or acknowledge him before she leaves. Quiet whispers are exchanged between her and the other woman as they exit.

Two separate kinds of heartache linger when she leaves.

\--

Ben heads back into the ‘fresher the moment the doorway separates him from the view of Rey. Their bond still hums between them, warm and peaceful at close proximity. There’s a sensation under Ben’s skin, running in his blood.

It’s her heartbeat, pulsing in unison with his.

Sounding as a melody as Ben turns a corner and finds his way back into the familiar wardrobe. Seconds escape him as he searches for the gloves that Rey had spoken of. 

They’re wrapped in a thin white paper. Transparent and layered, held together with white thread. Ben carefully undoes the binding, opening her present.

The gloves are a rich leather, black and coarse to the touch. He pushes his fingers inside, flexing and adjusting them until the gloves fit comfortably. They make a harsh squeaking sound when he draws his hands into fists.

\--

He’s wearing them when he leaves Rey’s bed chamber. She hadn’t locked the door, she knows he wouldn't run.

Kylo Ren is the newest member of the First Order. Ben’s curious at what exactly that entails for him beyond access to workshops and training rooms.

The lighting in the hall is harsh. Florescent and pure, the walls are made from white metal, the ground is black marble. Both Rey and Phasma are far beyond him, not a trace of evidence of them exists out here. There are no Stormtroopers standing guard, the hall for all intents and purposes, empty.

Save for the light thud of military issued boots approaching him. Ben takes in the other man's appearance, he _looks_ just as he had the last time they had come face to face, however, his jacket was missing the various medals and badges it had proudly displayed yesterday evening.

Once he's a respectable distance away, General Hux stands at attention. "Ah, Kylo Ren." The other man falls to mask his emotions, Ben knows the name 'Kylo Ren' must taste like ash in the Generals mouth. "I have a," His hesitation lingers for a moment too long. " _Proposition_ for you, _if_ you are interested."

"I'm not."

Ben turns immediately, stalking down the opposite direction. Hux follows in his steps. "You'll want to reevaluate my offer!" The General sneers. "I guarantee it to be a beneficial one."

Ben takes a sharp right corner, spiraling off in a new area. He's no idea where he's headed, the location of the workshop Rey had mentioned was not something he could find by wandering a ship where the halls all mirrored the other.

He scolds himself for leaving before the holopad Rey had sent for had arrived; Still, Ben takes long strides as he attempts to leave Hux behind. "I've no interest in being associated with you." He snaps when the General continues his pursuit.

But Hux is determined to weasel his way under his skin. "The Resistance has updated their information on _Ben Solo_."

 _Shit_.

Ben ignores his claim, turning another corner, heading deeper into an unknown area. Hux follows him for some time. Walking in quiet formation, willing to play the long game until _Kylo Ren_ falls for the bait.

\--

He's weaker than either of them had known.

Lost inside a ship with no sense of direction, the smug aura wafting off the General, the blinding white walls, the former allegiance to the Resistance-

The distance of Rey's heartbeat. Still present but _less_ with every step he took away from her.

The leather of his gloves strains as Ben draws his hands into fists. Grinding his teeth, scolding himself for giving in,

"What information?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at 7k words, this is the shortest chapter of this fic i've posted. i am BEYOND sorry for that. it's 3k less than what i wanted, but i'm uploading it because i want to see if my attempt at 'dirty talk' and if the use of the phrase 'good girl' has made anyone uncomfortable (plus ending the chapter here helps with the flow of what i'm wanting to do with the next chapter)
> 
> i swear on my life that rey is getting dicked down next chapter, i really just needed /this/ chapter as a base of what we can expect from them in the bedroom. i love it when ben calls rey a good girl in fics, but i really don't know how everyone else feels about it.
> 
> thank you so much for reading, i love you all very much


	7. all eyes on us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you like disappointment, this chapter is for you

The taste of Rey still lingers on his tongue, his fingers still tingle at the memory of her touch. Even hidden beneath black leather gloves, Ben can't rid himself of the sensation of her skin that now abstains itself from him.

The metal frame hiding behind the glossy, aesthetic walls creek as a slight shift takes hold of the ship. There are LED lights placed on top of sleek white panels indicating an invisible entry to another room. So streamlined the not even a crease is found on the flat surface of the wall.

A small sweeping droid rolls around them as General Hux allows the silence to prolong into the needless. The General is attempting to create desperate anticipation and restlessness in Ben, but the only emotion that was now raging inside Ben was a reluctant annoyance.

He stood only several steps behind Ben, his shadow resting by his heels. Though not a molecule of Armitage Hux was Force Sensitive, the signature that the General carried with him in the Force was overwhelming as it was _soaked_ in a layer of smug nature. 

Ripe in the artificial air pumping through the vents.

The General was waiting for another announcement of defeat; not at all satisfied with Ben asking him only _once_. Hux remained silent, clearly unaware of Ben's exceptional talent at waiting; however whatever had shifted in him only days ago startles ben himself, as he finds this information something he _cannot_ wait for. Ben was resigned to turning and facing Hux.

His smirk at Ben's resignation bore too strong of a resemblance to a scowl.

Standing tall with impeccable posture, very much a picture of a man beckoning an animal to his side. Ben has more pride than to oblige the silent demand, widening his stance as he waits for the General to indulge him with whatever information he possesses.

Hux's scowl deepens as he is now the one to yield to their minor duel line. Clasping his hands in a taut grip in front of his body, taking long strides until half of the distance between them is crossed. The sweeping droid just beyond them runs itself into one of the walls, pitched beeping rings out as it's wheels roll backward and in the _right_ direction.

Though the distance between them has lessened, there is still half way to go. Half way crossed and half way more, an impossible paradox of two objects that can never meet; and Hux continues playing his weak gambet. "Interesting, Is it not?" The General speaks with more glee than he truly feels. "I've heard gossip about you-"

A twitch builds just below Ben's right eye before he interrupts. "You claimed to have _information_ , Hux." He knew that the other man was being far more difficult than he needed to be. Hux was _enjoying_ this.

" _Please, call me Armitage._ " His request is coated with venom and is spoken through clenched teeth. "I believe a friendship between the two of us would be interesting and beneficial -"

Now Ben steps forward, "I've _no_ interest in-"

The energy between the two of them intensifies as Hux takes his own step forward as well, "Rethink my offer _Ben_ ," Hearing his true name spoken aloud in the heart of a First Order ship stumbles Ben momentarily, allowing Hux the time he needs to further drown him with annoyance. "Ever since you arrived on Anvirendale with those pretty handcuffs on your wrists I knew that _she_ was up to something. I'm not the sort of man to overlook the details you see."

Ben should have searched the halls for holo cams before indulging Hux in his power trip. While Ben knew that he would have little trouble - and greatly _enjoy_ \- throwing Hux with a strong enough velocity to literally knock him unconscious; being spotted doing so wouldn't bode well.

It could be viewed as a brawl that got out of hand and nothing more or Stormtroopers that felt more loyalty to Hux than Phasma would open fire.

Even _if_ the Stormtroopers in the halls surrounding them _were_ loyal to Phasma, she has no reason to ensure Ben's safety without cause.

Ben also knows that Rey will not be willing to abandon her _home_ with the First Order over a petty issue such as this. 

Hux continues, "I tried and tried to understand why the only son of Rebel heroes Leia Organa and her husband would join our faction with no reason. There was _talk_ amongst the higher ups about the potential _Ben Solo_ would have in that dark side, but all the evidence the First Order had gathered on you suggested that you wouldn't turn,"

He wouldn't turn.

The General lightly leans forward, his scowl fading into another smug smile. "Yet, for some reason, that very same Ben Solo ends up on a private First Order base under the name _Kylo Ren_ and has our beloved Sith Lord Rey perched on his lap and her lipstick smeared across his face."

Ben towers over the General, "You said that you had _information_." His words are ripped from clenched teeth, there's a twitch forming in the hallow under his left eye.

Hux is silent, standing his ground for a moment before one of his hands move to reach into a small satchel secured to his utility belt. Producing his own personal holo pad, clicking on the screen, and holding it before Ben.

It takes a moment for the screen's brightness to adjust accordingly to the room, but when the picture clears Ben is faced with his own portrait along with the following text.

BEN SOLO.

6'4 BLACK HAIR BROWN EYES.

DESERTER.

WANTED ALIVE.

FIVE MILLION CREDIT REWARD.

The Resistance had placed a bounty on his head and felt so inclined to pass the information far enough into the galaxy that even a First Order General could access the information. Leia Organa was an effective leader like that. Either they would secure a harsher punishment for him or Ben would be on janitorial and sanitation duty until his death. True deserters were executed, his previous stunt wasn't desertion but what he did last night qualified as such. Leia wanted to make sure that it was the Resistance that ended Ben's life. Or maybe she wanted him home.

"It's funny," Hux's comment steals Ben away from his thoughts. Looking back up into cold eyes that held faux humanity, as artificial as the air they breathed. "Here Kylo Ren stands before me yet the Resistance, your own mother, they truly don't think you capable of joining the First Order."

Ben keeps the General steady in his gaze, "They thought me _plenty_ capable." All those years with whispers behind is back, concerned looks, and hovering. The Resistance had been waiting for Ben's betrayal, he likely surprised them by making them all wait so long.

But Hux shakes his head. "It's in the wording _Kylo_. Ben Solo is a deserter, not a traitor. There's quite a difference between those words, don't you agree?"

No, "The Resistance not labeling me as such does not mean they are unknowing. They've had their suspicions for some time now." All of those holo messages, and that insufferable notification that announced their arrival.

"I doubt that." Hux keeps his comment low and monotone. "Tell me, why _did_ you join the First Order? I hope you won't expect me to believe that you crossed the galaxy to be nothing more than a bedwarmer?"

A snicker flows along the edge of Ben's consciences, ebbing and raking her fingers along the brim of his mental wards. A familiar presence that's been wrapped around his soul with an unbreakable thread. Golden and as sickly sweet as wine.

_Rey?_

Her laughter flows again, a gentler caress reaching out to him. All his attention turns to Rey and her presence within his mind, there's a space just beyond Hux's shoulders where Ben _thinks_ he can make out her silhouette.

It's a _suggestion_ of her body, a fleeting shadow, a transparent form crafted by his memorization of Rey's body. The curve of her back, the length of her neck, each and every freckle that watered his mouth. Ben waited for the image to cement itself in the hall, for the Force to bridge them together even if they were less than a meter apart. 

But the image scatters and her presence remains. Swaying around his body, whispering _Please don't be upset with me, Kylo. You were getting so angry and it's a bit distracting._ Her Force signature coming from inside of his own, seeping out into the surrounding area. The Force wasn't connecting them, Rey was inside his mind.

Ben tenses up, fearing the possibility that Rey had access to his entire conscience and devolved herself completely into his mind. This fear spikes his anxiety, raising his hair on end, and draining the blood from his face. Ben's reaction prompts Rey to reassure him, 

_Don't worry, I won't take anything you aren't willing to give. That is, as long as you are willing to abide by the same vow._ Pauses, then says _Besides I can tell that you have thoughts you wish to remain private, I have the same ones._ She was nothing like the last monster that had crept into his mind.

Ben extends himself rather than his thoughts to her, and he can _feel_ himself sifting through her mind. A vast palace that feels like safety and home and so very _Rey_. Little emotions find their way to him, fleeting thoughts and bright memories. Then there is something beyond them. Thoughts and memories belonging to Rey which catch his attention but maintain a dark lock on them. 

Ben couldn't even attempt to breach them without her notice, not to mention the epic mental battle that would spring from the invasion of privacy. His personal thoughts must appear the same way to her.

His brows furrow, not at the truth of her statement - it was a particular amount of trust they held between each other, Ben isn't certain that that level of trust would translate had their roles been reversed - but at what had come before it. Ben solidifies the words before extending them onto Rey. His message traveling along the golden thread between them.

 _How were you able to know that I was angry? You called it distracting, are you alright?_ Ben sends the question with gentle intentions, so as not to hurt her further.

Humor flares in Rey's Force signature, answering _Armitage has accused you of being nothing more than my_ whore _and you're still considerate enough to ask about my well fair?_

At the reminder of the other man, Ben turns his gaze to look upon him while maintaining his mental conversation with Rey. Hux looks completely baffled by Ben's expression and silence. The General is _speaking_ to him, but his words are all muffled.

Static, white noise in the background as Rey says, _You were projecting. It was very much like a migraine, a hammer pounding against my skull so sudden that I was worried at what trouble you had gotten yourself into._

Hux is still talking, waving a hand before his eyes; completely ignorant to what had turned his attention away from their conversation. There is a small part of Ben that feels embarrassment to acting as an empty shell in front of the General, but he knows this is only a momentary issue. After another day or so, Hux won't be his problem any longer. 

Ben steps back and heads away from the man. Leading himself back into the labyrinth of the First Order ship. Hux declines to follow this time. _Nothing more troublesome than a snake. I apologize for concerning you._ He turns a left corner and is sent walking down an impossibly long and narrow hallway.

Just as Ben thinks that he should inquire about _directions_ to whichever workshop Rey had wanted him to construct his new lightsaber in; Rey gifts the information to him. The entire layout of the ship with her own personal notes and thoughts about specific locations.

Thankfully, Ben isn't too far off from where he wanted to go. _Kylo, about your debt to the Resistance, I've more than enough credits to pay a five million credit debt so don't worry about that. You can thank me for that later tonight._

_I've no debt to the Resistance, that lump sum is for my capture and delivery to the Rebels. Besides, I don't need a_ reason _to 'warm your bed'._ More humor and something greater was flaring on Rey's end, the sensation was intoxicating. 

_Fuck them, they don't even know that your eyes are an olive brown and not a true brown._ After a moment Rey adds _Want me to keep you company while you tend to your saber?_ Rey attaches suggestive imagery along with her comment. Flashes of her rocking back and forth on his lap, quick bursts of their desperate fornication from the last day cycle.

Ben sucks in air through his teeth, clenching his gloved fists at his side. _Here I thought you were busy with Phasma_. Despite his words, Ben sends just as many suggestive imaginations towards Rey. Glimmering images of his head buried between her thighs, her legs wrapped around his waist, her laid flat on her back with her legs hanging over his shoulders.

A shudder ripples through the bond, and although he was not able to see Rey in this moment, Ben was keenly aware of the fact that she was squeezing her thighs together. _It would be rude to leave my friend, but if you called for me I would happily answer_.

He was so, _so_ tempted. Ben wanted nothing _more_ than to -

But they were on a fixed schedule, Ben needed to construct a new lightsaber before they left the war for good; and as much as he needed to get Rey away from Snoke, from _Phasma_ if she were to enter the workshop with him now -

_I'll take you tonight then, good girls know how to wait._

Another shudder, the bond warms around him, heating his face in a soft crescendo. A sigh emits from Rey, as she parts with _Tonight then._

she withdrawals from his mind quietly as Ben surrenders from hers as well. Slowly until they are both left in their empty bodies and their own thoughts.

Lost from the other save for the faint sound of the others' heartbeat still echoing on a thin thread.

\--

There was an original design that he had in mind, when the time had come for young Padawan Solo to ascend from his training saber and construct his own Ben spent weeks pouring over ancient designs and their functions.

Leia had been fashionable with hers. A rose gold tint and an old Alderaan myth engraved into the handle. Han had left the day she began drafting ideas, searching out materials and exotic touches she could add to it. He was away for upwards of two months and returned home with only a handful of items. 

By then, Master Leia Organa already had the hilt completed, and a long sapphire light beam emitted from the entrance. They both had more than enough harsh words to flame the fires of arguments.

Ben could hear every word they shouted at the other through the thin walls. Snoke snickering and delighting in the quiet distress that settled within Ben at the raised voices. Still, he ignored all distractions and continued his research.

His original design was based on and inspired by the ancient Jedi of the High Republic. A crossguard lightsaber, unique and entirely his. The model would require double the amount of material for the hilt, least he travels around with exposed wires on his lightsaber.

He was proud of what he had designed, Ben remembers the excitement that fluttered in his chest as he wrote down the exact amount of metal and materials that he would need, but as he came to the end of his list the seeds of doubt as always plagued his thoughts.

His calligraphy brush slipped through his hand before he finished writing the last word. The monster in his head whispering _They're so tired over your crying, and now you're going to cry over this?_

He _wasn't_ going to cry. Ben only picked up the design he had crafted and held it over the candle he had lit. Waiting until the paper was too hot to hold before dropping it down to his metal desk.

Once the fire died, Ben brushed the ashes away. Most sticking to his hand as he attempted to destroy the evidence.

Cleaning his desk, and beginning a new design.

\--

She had directed him towards her own personal workshop. Potted plants hang from the ceiling, white moon flowers blooming with artificial purpose. Peddles littering the floor and floating shelves. There are leather bound novels with bent bookmarks, small trinkets that were gathered from various planets. Even one of her brassieres is draped over the back of the metal chair.

Ben's gloved finger trails down the length of the binding strap, his hand lingering there before taking the delicate fabric in hand and pocketing it. There is paper scattered across a fancy First Order desk sat at the back of the spacious room, charcoal sticks of varying lengths lining a dent in the table.

Tiny fingerprints marked in black graphite also litter the table, markings, and further evidence of Rey's presence on the ship. Ben wonders what she had worked on in here? If she had built her own duel bladed lightsaber staff in this room, and what further purpose this room could bring her after that task was accomplished.

He'll have to remember to ask her once they are both far, far away from here. Across the stars and leading a new life.

A blank piece of yellowed parchment sits on top of the pile of work on the desk. Using the Force to bring the chair under him, Ben sits down. Keeping his gloves on as he takes a stick of charcoal in hand, silently regretting his decision. He loves the feeling on ink and graphite on his hands, yet still, Ben makes no move to correct his mistake.

He remembers the design he had crafted years ago well enough. Ben jots down the measurements in basic at the bottom of the scroll before lightly beginning his outline. There is an assortment of kneaded and electronic erasers which Ben uses liberally. Crafting and detailing his new sabers schematics to his liking.

\--

What had originally taken Ben months of careful planning and research is redesigned in less than twenty standard minutes. He then begins jotting down additional notes for himself, detailing the types of metals and wiring he wanted to use.

There was also the issue of his new kyber crystal. Ben found himself writing down the meanings of all the colors known to the galaxy. His old saber had been a strong purple beam, rare and telling of his inclination to aggression and dark side influence. Not average of a sith user and nothing that would have garnered suspicion in the Old Republic.

But of course, Ben's life had been different. Disappointment and pain reflected in his family's eyes as they witnessed the beam of his lightsaber. Now here in the First Order, every color except for one would be unacceptable.

It didn't matter what beam of light found his kyber crystal, Ben would be expected to bleed it. To pour his pain, anger, and _anguish_ into the crystal until blood clouded and poured from it.

How long would he be able to avoid that, if at all? Rey had been only fourteen when she constructed her own saber, she had only been fourteen when she herself held onto her kyber crystals. At such a young age, she had suffered enough to bleed two separate crystals.

Rey had suffered because Ben had been too selfish to acknowledge the suffering of anyone other than himself. Blacking out the visions of her grief and sorrow as he lived out his own.

Ben didn't doubt that he possessed enough pain to bleed two kyber crystals, but there was such a horrific difference between how old he was now and how old she was _then_ ,

And how was Rey right now? However far away she was on the ship, her heartbeat still playing a quiet melody next to his own. Rey was doing force knows what with Phasma, were they with Snoke? Training? Was she safe?

A soft panic settles in the back of his throat which Ben quickly swallows. Rey _was_ safe - well she _wasn't_ safe but- she's on a ship of soldiers terrified of her. The new generations Sith, a Jedi Killer, and Master of the Knights of Rey. Ben had no need to panic.

His eyes search the room, adamant to return to his task of constructing his saber. Ben finds a small silver holo player sitting on one of the floating shelves, with a wave of his finger he switches the machine to life. Static music beings to fill the room, easy and distracting.

A material archive is sat near the desk, most of the labels written in sloppy basic. There are some shelves and files which have ivy growing outside of it. Messy, chaotic, and hers.

There were more kyber crystals than the First Order would ever have use for, unless the were truly building a sith army. It had taken them fourteen years to recruit Rey and twentynine to recruit Ben. The two of them couldn't possibly find a use for all of them.

Luke Skywalker had forced Ben to scavenge his own on the deserts of Tattoonie. A planet so hated and despised by his family that they refused to step foot back on the surface. Yet they had been cruel enough to send _him_ knowing what the planet did to members of his family.

Now there was a pile of kyber crystals just an arms reach away. All Ben had to do was reach out and -

Again Rey enters his thoughts, how long had it taken her to build her own saber. The day that cold spot washed over him, was that when she bled her crystals or had that been when she followed Snoke into the dark?

Snoke told her about him, about their connection before Ben had any inkling of it. That _monster_ promised Rey hope and a family and she accepted and fell.

Had she thought about him? How often had she thought about him?

_You couldn't know the countless time I've touched myself thinking about you._

His hands retreat to his upper thigh, fisting over where he had pocketed her brassier.

_The files we had on you, the blurry holo images. They were all I had to get off on._

A heavy breath leaves Ben, he was procrastinating he knew it but still he extends himself down the line of their bond.

She's bored and growing restless. Rey was still thinking about the comments they had passed back and forth not long ago. Rey notes his presence, reaching back out to him with a warm touch.

Perhaps they both could use a distraction, and now Ben knew the layout of the ship. He sends her an image of a storage closet that should be halfway between where they both were. Though he can't see her, Ben knows Rey doesn't hesitate to stand and head in the direction he requested.

The chair Ben had been sitting on tumbles to the ground when he stands. Rushing towards the exit of the room and out into an empty hallway. His feet slide against the sleek floor as Ben rushes forward.

Half way there with still half way to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey it's been a minute.
> 
> with the protests going on, it felt like a bad time to write and update this story, so i held off and then the longer it was between updates i began to feel guilty. from now on, i'll no longer be posting super long chapter updates, as much as i love them they stress me out too much and hopefully by only posting chapters that are 3k+ i'll be able to update more frequently.
> 
> im sorry for the long wait, and i really hope all of you are staying safe out there, sign petitions, wear your mask, and stay safe. ily.


	8. Chapter 8

Rey _burns_ ,

The heat which rests under her skin burns brighter than any furnace in the galaxy, only a sun could rival her flame yet Rey was able to blind him all the same, her image _haunting_ him even when she was gone.

Ben can feel her fire as it ignites their bond. Coursing towards his body, flaring, and scorching. The golden thread that connected them strikes Ben with a _punishing_ touch of safety, branding his flesh with lashes that spell out her name. Marking whatever portion of his soul that still belonged to him as _hers_.

Flashes of Rey are endless at the edge of his vision, even as Ben navigates impossible hallways, racing further down into the heart of this dreadnaught ship. Cold eyes of judgemental Officers follow him, bucketheads turn as Ben continues sprinting towards where the bond told him Rey was.

She's a phantom of night, haunting him, _hunting_ him through artificially familiar architecture.

And she's _smiling_ , Ben can feel the curve of her lips in the surrounding air. Rey was drowning him in the sense of her, his body awaking, already straining and begging for her as though she had not already come on his tongue less than an hour or so prior.

Bens mouth _waters_ at the memory. His gloved hands' fisting. 

A vibration ripples in the Force, Rey's chuckling, her sickly sweet laughter caught in a nonverbal vacuum until it quietly echos down an adjoined passageway.

Once again, his feet slide against sleek tile; but he sees her.

 _Ben sees her_.

Rey's standing at the opposite end of the hallway. 

Her face already flushed from racing to him, panting with glorious heaves of her chest. Even from his distance, Ben catches sight of beads of sweat trailing down the side of her face, sliding to the slope of her neck, until it's finally absorbed into the fabric of her tunic.

His breath is caught in his throat, Ben thinks there should be an air of triumph to match the swell in his chest, but there isn't.

There's a note of danger that attempts to rival the hunger seeping into the bond; and the _look_ Rey bestows upon him is absolutely feral.

Only a heartbeat passes until she's charging.

Adrenaline electrifies Ben as pounding feet lead him. Grander than any battle he'd ever been a part of, more terrifying than anything he encountered in his darkest moments. Ben felt younger than he was, he felt awake.

Yet the woman before him does not strike, she has no intention of attacking him in that sense; nor are her actions overtly sexual, Rey abstains herself from Ben's lips just as she refrains from rutting with him in a public environment. No, nothing of the sort comes when she approaches.

When they are within arms reach of the other, Rey launches herself onto him. Locking her arms around his neck, knocking the air from his lungs.

Ben pins her in the embrace, both of his arms caging her to him. As his footing sways, Ben's all too aware of Rey's dangling feet following his movements. Nuzzling his nose against her ear, Ben whispers.

"You're so fucking _tiny_ ," Ben feels the bubbling laughter that rocks her through her, Rey buries her smile into his shoulder.

Her fingers curl in his hair as she says, "You're a fucking _monster_ of a man, so much taller than any man has any business being." Rey's words are muffled and slurred with humorous intent.

Ben adjusts his hold on Rey, heaving her _higher_ up the length of his body. He's rewarded with a reprisal of her candescent laughter, along with a reminder of their gathering.

The movement of her body against his, the feeling of her pressed into him- Rey's nails scratch at his neck, sparks of his arousal had been unwittingly projected unto her. Ben hears her sharp intake of breath before she _floods_ him with erotic visions.

Namely, of them locked in this very embrace with Ben bouncing Rey up and down the length of his cock.

The vision continues playing out as reality slows to a halt. Ben watches, a voyeur to Rey's fantasies as her projection displays Ben lapping at the sweat which drips down her clavicle. Her tits bouncing in a small blur as he thrusts his cock in and out of her with animalistic intensity.

Ben was using her hips as leverage, Ben could see the indents his fingers left on her skin. Rey was rolling herself against his shaft, following the frenzied rhythm set by Ben. Grinding her clit into his skin whenever he was buried to the root inside of her.

 _Force_ how he needed to be inside her.

Rey's vision fades, the reels burning and dissipating Ben back into his own body. His cock twitching and _straining_ against the confines of his trousers.

Her fingers are still intertwined in his dark hair, twisting the locks around her little finger. Ben lowers Rey slowly, wanting to savor the sensation of her body just as much he wanted _her_ to feel his building erection. Ben needs for her to know-

Oh, but Rey _knows_. Lightly rocking against the bulge once her hips were level with his, her hazel eyes were glowing and devoid of any innocence she could have claimed.

Then she _runs_ ,

And their short-lived chase begins.

\--

Rey bounds back to the opposite end of the hallway, skidding ontop of sleek tiles as she momentarily backtracks when she surpasses her destination. There's a short distance between them that Ben could easily dissolve, but he allows her this chase. Keeping her just out of his grasp,

Both of them are well aware of what comes next. From instincts that flare and warn, to the Force with predictions that guide them, to their bond which sings and _vibrates_ with anticipation. 

The sterile air that surrounds them is thick with their mutual want, Rey looks over her shoulder as she places her hand on the entrance to the supply closet. The braids Ben had so delicately placed in her hair still perfectly in place, neat and untouched.

Her smile spreads across her face, Ben's eyes follow the impossible curve of her lips to the lone dimple resting on her cheek. He's mapping the constellation of her freckles when the pathway to the supply closet slides open,

And Rey steps into its dark holdings.

The lights only flicker awake once Ben follows her inside.

\--

Orderly, metallic shelves line the walls of the small side room. Supplies hidden away in matte gray containers, there is a faux scent of lavender and vanilla that sits thick in the atmosphere, mingling with the harsh orders of the cleaning products they were meant to cover.

Florescent lights locked into the ceiling loomed over them, holding them in a spotlight neither could shy away from, and Ben refused to take his eyes off of Rey.

She was close enough that Ben only needed to lean forward to close himself around her, but Rey kept her distance. Pressing her back against the shelving as she attempted to circle him, her bum pushing back the containers that were neatly lined behind her.

Ben matched her smile as one unfortunately bundle knocked to the ground when Rey pulled her hips away from where she was pressed against it.

Bottles and products roll along the ground which Ben takes a careful step over. Rey's smile continues to blind him as she backs away, until the door of the supply closet stops her. Drawing one arm above her head, Rey arches her back against the door, attempting to smother her smile with a fine press of her lips.

Those red lips part with delight as Ben takes another looming step, her teeth running over the swell of her lower lip. Rey's eyes burn into his own, holding him in a secret he isn't apart of, a joke he doesn't understand.

Slowly, his gloved fingers trail down her side until he clutches them at her waist. Then, Ben presses himself against her.

If he were expecting his cock to find some relief at the pressure, he was mistaken. Ben's body only begged for more as Rey kept her hips lightly rocking side to side. His other hand trails up the length of her arm, until gloved fingers brush over her neck.

Rey gasps at the sensation of leather caressing her skin, leaning into the touch even as goose flesh ripples along her body.

Ben runs his touch along her jawline, until her chin is pinched between his thumb and forefinger. A fluttering breath leaves Rey, it brushes against Ben as it goes. He closes the distance between them, stopping only when his nose bumps into her cheek.

There are still nerves and doubts that linger within him, but Ben swallows them. Keeping his voice low as he says, "I already vowed to take you on my cock _tonight_." Ben _swears_ he can hear the palpitations in her heartbeat, encouraging him to ask more smugly than he intended, "So, tell me what you need me to do _now_."

Quick as lightning, delicate fingers wrap around his wrist, forcing his hand to move and cup her face. "Please," She breathes, placing a kiss into the palm of his glove as she guides his touch. "Put your fingers in my pussy, Kylo." The breath he sucks in rings out like a hiss as Rey continues, "Fuck me with the pretty gloves I bought you."

Ben _crushes_ his lips over hers, Rey moans into his mouth as she forces her way inside.

Her tongue was lapping and rolling against his, drinking him in as Ben's hand dropped from her waist to the deep split in her skirt. Squeezing a handful of her exposed thigh before dipping himself into the slit.

Gloved fingers traced the length of the thick shorts she wore underneath her outfit. The action stalls Rey long enough for him to take the lead in the harsh current she had set for their kiss.

Ben cups her sex as he sucks on her tongue. Rey gyrates herself into his hold, grinding into his palm seeking friction.

He takes his time with his teasing, flexing his fingers as Rey continues to rock her hips. She bites into their kiss, feverishly burning into him. _Want_ burns into Ben as well, adjusting his own stance to momentarily rub his clothed cock against her thigh.

Both of Reys' hands surge forward, reaching for his hair which she mercilessly rips at. "Stop teasing!" She orders, nipping at his lips. "I don't want to tell you that again, _Kylo_."

A snarl tugs on the corner of his mouth, and Ben knows she feels it; Rey _returns_ the remark. The work and roll of her tongue ruthless as she devours him.

Rey, as if to prove a point, begins to wedge her thigh between his legs. Rubbing herself against his cock at a brutal pace. A hoarse moan pulls from his vocal cords, his hand which cups her face flexing, _digging_ his fingers into her pretty face as she continues to fan the flames of his budding frustration.

Ben doesn't bother moving the gusset of her shorts, he doesn't seek an alternative entrance. With one aggressive movement, Ben rips open the seam of the thick cloth. An outraged huff raised by Rey is immediately replaced with a _desperate_ moan as Ben dips his fingers inside the opening he made.

Rey continues to sound outpitched moans, and a slick sound begins following Ben's fingers moments as he curls them down the length of her soaked panties. Ben can't _feel_ the evidence of her arousal, but he knows its there. A phantom sensation pooling on top of his gloved hand.

Just as Rey begins to grind herself once again into his hand, Ben follows her warning. Hooking a finger around the fabric of her underlinen, tugging until the threads give out.

"Oh, _fuck_ ," Rey moans, " _fuck, fuck._ " Ben swallows her obsenities as his fingers run the length of her cunt.

Rubbing her clit with three harsh circles before dipping back into her slit to coat his gloved fingers with her arousal.

Ben breaks their kiss when Rey continues to muffle her pleas into his lips. Twisting his wrist into a better position, he began running his thumb in slow motions over her clit. Ben watches her face _intensly_ as he waits her to be drowning in one sensation before he breeches her entrance with the tip of his middle finger.

It's slow, gentle.

Which Ben knows she hates. 

She clenches around the slight intrusion, pushing him away with one pulse and pulling him in with the other. Ben's thumb works her clit with renewed energy, bidding for more arousal to drip from her. 

A quiet moan parts her lips. Her lovely hazel eyes roll back, fluttering around her lashline when Ben thrusts his finger the rest of the way inside of her.

Rey clutches onto him as her head rolls back now, a tremble unsteadies her legs for a long moment before she begins rocking herself against the digit inside of her.

Ben keeps circling her clit, leaning his head down just enough to run his tongue along the exposed skin on her neck. Soft whimpers emit from Rey as she removes her thigh from between his legs and locks it around his waist.

_Stop teasing, stop teasing, stop teasing_

Ben can't stop himself, "Hmm, you like that?" His question is murmured into her skin. He's now pumping his finger in short thrusts, working her until he feels her relax. 

"Faster." Rey clearly doesn't count their dirty talk as teasing, "Please, go faster, I need it." But then again she's outright _begging_.

Ben quickens his pace, as well as crooking his finger against her walls when he's rooted inside of her. "You need it, huh."

Rey moans her response, but Ben wants more than that.

"Say it." After a moment passes, he repeats "Say it, Rey."

She's burring her face into his hand, Ben runs a gloved finger over the swell of her lip. It's not a whine that leaves her, more of - more of a mewl. "Yes! Marker _please_ I need it, please."

 _That_ goes straight to his cock. The very edge of Ben's vision has turned into the darkest shade of black. Quickly, he pulls his finger out of her entirely, slicking up a second digit before pushing them both inside of her.

Rey grinds into their movements, thrusting her hips into Ben's palm, urging his thumb to press harder into her clit.

She's clenching around his fingers, her movements becoming more frantic. Rey's face is entirely flush, a dark look of wanton pleasure in her eyes. Even as Ben stills his movements, Rey continues bouncing up and down the length of his fingers.

A dangerous amount of pride burns through Ben as he mercilessly rubs her clit, pumping his fingers in and out of her in a blurred motion. "I can't it-" His voice is almost a growl, "The sight of you fucking yourself on my fingers."

A shudder ripples across her skin, her pupils dilating. "It feels so good, Kylo-" Rey was getting close, she was so close, "I need your cock, tonight, please."

Ben's grip on her jaw tightens. 

Hovering his mouth over hers, Ben chides "You'll be coming on my cock soon enough, Rey, but right now I need you to come all over these pretty gloves you bought me."

A chorus of gasp falls from Rey as her walls flutter around his fingers. Her head moves to roll back but Ben keeps her in place. Slanting his lips over hers as her moans echo and reverberate inside his mouth.

Her leg gives out from under her. Ben presses his weight against her, keeping her upright as he continues to pump his fingers inside of her.

He doesn't stop until her shaking subsides.

\--

Once Rey's stance is able to hold herself again, his fingers slip out of her.

Immediately searching out and rectifying the restraint of his trousers. With only a few movements his cock springs free. Long, hard, and _red_. Beads of pre-come already leaking from his head.

Ben takes his length in hand, coating it with Rey's arousal. Even dipping his fingers back along her slit, collecting more to spread along his shaft.

Ben pumps his cock once, barely suppressing the groan that the friction brings. Awkwardly swallowing his request as he overthinks his words in his messy thoughts. Just because they were waiting until tonight, doesn't mean he could thrust his cock between her thighs, or down the slit of her cunt-

Would she want that, _Force_ , Ben needed to be inside her, he needed to feel his cock be dragged along her cunt. He only needed to ask-

He removes his weight off of Rey, who immediately slides down the wall to her knees.

Concern moves him, stumbling backwards, "Rey, Rey are you-"

Her hand reaches up to grasp his cock at its base, "Let go, I've got this." Her hand bumps next to his and she moves her wrist in short pumps. 

Ben drops his aching cock from his grip, his hand immediately reaching for Rey. Fisting in the braids he had placed there only this morning.

He expects her to jerk him off like this morning as well, but Rey surprises him by surging forward. Sticking her pretty pink tongue out and running it down his shaft.

His hold on her hair tightens as Rey laps her tongue over one of the veins on his cock. Oh, _fuck_.

"Rey, I won't last long." His voice is desperate and pleading.

She teases him with a few slow pumps, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "It's alright, I want to know what it will feel like for you to come on my tongue."

Rey parts her lips and takes the tip of his cock in her mouth. His hand which is likely ripping her hair trembling as he fights against the urge to thrust himself in more. White flashes and stars are surrounding him. Pulling him into the abyss.

Oh, her mouth is so warm, and wet and-

Rey works slowly, running circles with her tongue over the head before attempting to take in more of him.

Ben's teeth were going to be ground into _dust_ , his body impossibly still, trembling. Completely at her mercy.

A few inches sit on her tongue when Rey decides to _swallow_ \- His other hand fists in her hair, holding her in place as Ben keeps his hips from bucking forward -

Ben can feel her smile, he can feel it in the bond just as he can feel it wrapped around his cock. Rey swallows again and- Oh, he can see every star in the galaxy, Ben can see the entire universe. He sees their future.

Rey bobs her head on his cock, her lipstick staining and smearing along his length. Keeping her tongue on his shaft and she _sucks_ and -

He's coming.

He's coming in her mouth.

\--

She keeps his cock in her mouth until the last spurt of come has left him.

A trail of saliva connects them for a few moments longer when he slips past her lips.

Ben collapses on the ground next to Rey. His gloved hands untangling themselves from her hair to cup both sides of her face. Ben's watching her face as she swallows his come. Rey's lips part with a strenuous gasp.

There's still some of his come sticking to the corner of her lips. His thumb brushes over the white mark delicately before he pulls her into a kiss. Rey's lips were sticky with the taste of his orgasm still lingering but they were soft and _home_.

It's a gentle kiss, full of kindness, gratitude, and-

There's a rapping on the door. Hard and metallic.

Like pin needles raking across his flesh, the movement of his lips halts as Phasma asks from beyond the door.

"Have the two of you finished then?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone is safe, stream folklore and have a good time. thank you so much for reading!!


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